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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sell the school they can sing for this?

77 replies

giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 13:57

ds1. 11, 1st yr high school came home monday minus his school shoes. he had P.E. left his clothes in the changing room, as they all do, and when it came to getting changed back his shoes were gone. he asked the P.E. teacher who said, nothing i can do, ask the lads sitting near you if they have seen them. he asked and had a look and then got told to get to his next lesson. at the end of the day he went to the office to see if they had been handed in then went back to the P.E changing to see if they had apperared.
they havent.
when he came home i called the school to see if they had been handed in by any of the cleaners etc but they hadnt.
he came home with a pass so that yesterday he is allowed to wear trainers, which he did.
he text me on his lunch hr to tell me his form tutor has said he only gets a pass for one day and he needs shoes for tomorrow or he is on detention.
my thought is no farking way.
i called the reception to see if they had apperaed yet and was told no so i said that until they had been found he would be continuting to wear his trainers. the receptionist said that wasnt allowed and he would be put on detention, i said please get his form tutor to call me when he is free as this was not acceptable, teacher called me back after school to tell me that if he wasnt in regulation uniform he would be put on report and detention until he had the correct uniform.I said he had no chance and that i have already supplied him with the uniform and until he had gone up a size in shoes, ( so when he trainers are too small so i know his shoes would have been too small) i would not be buying more school shoes.
apparelty i should now expect a call from the head.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 16:19

i am getting steadily more angry the longer i wait for a return call...
must calm down.
must not ball the teacher out.

OP posts:
TardlyWhiptrack · 07/12/2011 16:20

Yes, be very very FO.

I would be informing them that your next two calls will be
a. to the police to report the theft
b. to the governors to make a complaint about the school's lack of action over thefts, bullying, and the complete lack of a joined-up policy to tackle this issue... it seems as if they are indeed finding it easier to pick on a single pupil about unform policy rather than go to the trouble of unpicking, and dealing with, a far more damaging series of events.

Abra1d · 07/12/2011 16:20

Combination padlocks are the only answer.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 16:25

Abra - ?? One would actually need a locker first woudn't one.

Give - stay calm. Going off on one would be theraputic - short term, but get you nowhere long term. Make an appointment for tomorrow morning and tell him that you expect him to know how he plans to deal with both the theft and the bullying by then.

scurryfunge · 07/12/2011 16:27

Combination padlock for a kit bag is a good idea. I use one for my kit at work.

Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 16:29

but a bag can get picked up, so unless they provide a locker things will still get nicked.

OP posts:
Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 16:44

ok, tutor just called, he is going to look into all the issues, speak to the head of yr and the anti bullying co-ordinator, and will be calling me back tomorro.
poor bloke sounded scared..

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 16:51

Good job, well done.

PopcornMouse · 07/12/2011 17:00

Well done shiny! Their handling of the situation so far has been very lacking - good luck for tomorrow.

himynameisfred · 07/12/2011 17:06

YANBU AT ALL.

It's the school's fault that his shoes were theived.

Well done for standing up for yourself.

I rememeber missing my favourite lessons and being stuck in detention ecause my swollen akle was too big to fit into my shoes, as the nurse even said.
Got put in detention for NOT coming to school (2 mile round walk) in one shoe and one trainer. And just wearing trainers

F*cking idiotic rules.

himynameisfred · 07/12/2011 17:18

fantastic that you'd stand up for yourself.
I'd probably struggle to buy new shoes and then quietly seeth.

mummytime · 07/12/2011 17:42

Start writing a diary of the incidents. This can be used by the police to prosecute bullies.
The bullying is far more serious than a uniform infraction, and if the school do not see that then they have very serious issues.
I hope they do something now.

gothicangel · 07/12/2011 18:32

oh my your poor ds, i would be going nuts at this point,

hope things get sorted x

Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 19:44

im going to get him to detail all the issues so far, and then take that to his teacher tomorrow.

OP posts:
Abra1d · 07/12/2011 21:36

The padlock on the bag stops the opportunistic, 'I've lost my trainers so I'll just 'borrow' his' approach, I've found. Most pilfering seems to be people just unzipping other people's bags and helping themselves, sorry, 'borrowing' bits and pieces. Or hiding them for a prank. I don't think they intend it to be a permanent theft but they 'forget' to replace things or give them back. That's my charitable interpretation, anyway.
At my daughter's school all PE tops have to have embroidered names on them. If you're wearing someone else's you have to explain yourself.

timidviper · 07/12/2011 22:14

These problems have been going on forever in schools. I remember DS ringing upset when he was 11 that his brand new rugby boots were gone, teacher not helpful, etc just like yours. I rang the head and told him I would come in at 4pm to search for them and expected him to personally assist me. That soon motivated the teacher to look. They were found, covered in mud, hidden in the changing rooms.

I told the school at the time that they needed to take the line "borrowing without permission is theft" but they never seemed to care.

Incidentally I always sewed an extra name tape on the inside of the sleeve seam that would never be noticed unless turned inside out. It meant we still had a chance of identifying a garment if the name was removed. Sneaky but useful

mummytime · 07/12/2011 22:36

But not all schools ignore these kids of incidents. If they jump on the first signs of bullying then it is much less of a problem. And boys bullying are still more obvious than girls (where it can just be a couple of words whispered as you walk past).

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/12/2011 23:23

At ds1's previous school, all the boys had to have a load of expensive PE kit, that you could only buy from the school, plus football boots and two pairs of trainers. Most of them also had the school kitbag, and since the lockers were too small for the kitbags, shelving was provided around the school, for the kitbags to live on (they weren't allowed to take their kitbags into lessons). It was a common occurrance for someone to pick up the wrong kitbag and, when they discovered their mistake, to just dump the bag on the nearest racks, rather than bothering to take it back to the rack they'd got it from - so some other boy's kit would be missing, and he'd have to search the whole school for it.

It was also considered a huge joke to take someone's kitbag and hide it, or even to take everything out and hide all the items in different places round the school - which was an utter nightmare if this happened to you. And it happened to ds1 twice! The second time, the bag wasn't found for months and months - by which time we'd had to spend over £100 replacing his kit - and it would have been more if we hadn't bought cheap trainers and footie boots in case the same thing happened again. The bloody rugby socks at that school were £6.50, and they had to have indoor PE kit, outdoor PE kit and rugby kit - all only available from the school.

I was very cross indeed about this - I didn't see it as a joke - I saw it as theft, and told the Headmaster so - but as far as I could see, the school couldn't have cared less about the issue. It was never even raised as a 'this isn't funny, boys, don't do it' in assembly.

Oh - and he had his shoes taken off his feet and hidden - again, another 'prank'. One shoe was found, but the other never reappeared, so we had to buy a new pair - so I can understand your anger, OP.

My line with the school would be that your son had taken all possible care of his shoes, and that as they'd they had vanished whilst he was out doing PE, he cannot be held responsible for their disappearance - and that the school should be investigating to find out what has happened to them - tbh, it sounds like more of the same bullying, and the school are clearly not dealing with it.

You and your son have my sympathy. And well done for sticking up for your son re. the bullying - it's more than my mum did for me (which has blighted my life - the fact that she dismissed the bullying was a worse betrayal, imo).

TwoIfBySea · 07/12/2011 23:58

I wish you luck in this OP, schools seem to think we are an endless pit of money. Even worse that they have either a thief and/or bullying problem at the school.

My dts1 is bullied, the main child who does it has well-off parents who seem to let him do whatever he likes. While neither dts1 or 2 are materialistic he wasn't successful in teasing him over his lack of iPad/iPhone/Facebook acc (they're primary 6 I'm not letting them on it & don't agree with spending that kind of money on gadgets to be used as toys - even if I did earn enough!). As that didn't work the little sod began calling dts1 a 'loser' and 'stupid' at every opportunity. It's starting up again but luckily this year the teacher has a better handle on things.

Plus the kids know me (I'm a parent helper @ school) & know I brook no nonsense - sometimes its good to have them a little scared/in awe of you! Be tough, be strong OP!

(Sorry if this posts twice, using mobile as internet down again!)

empirestateofmind · 08/12/2011 00:13

My school gets very cross about thieving. Every incident is investigated and lockers are protected by CCTV. There is no CCTV in the changing rooms (for obvious reasons, though it would be useful). Students are interviewed individually by the scary Deputy Head if something goes missing to work out what happened. It is seen as extremely serious so thankfully it rarely happens.

empirestateofmind · 08/12/2011 00:13

PS I meant to say good luck OP. The school need to take this much more seriously.

WetAugust · 08/12/2011 00:23

I'm sorry you son is being bullied. You can already see just how stressed he is because of this and the way school are handling this.

You wrote that school were more agitated about the uniform than the bullying - YES that's the usual behaviour when parents conatct schools about bullying, - school denies it's happening.

You really do need to have a meeting and get very tough with school and demand that they start to protect your son against these bullies. i would threaten to call the Police to investigate the theft of his shoes. That may sound extreme but you need to make school take this seriously and this is one thing that may achieve it.

If you don't get harsh with school your poor DS will contiune to be subjected to this hate campaign, won't be able to focus on learning, will get increasingly stressed to the point where his whole ducation is at stake..........

People don't like to make a fuss but this is something that you really do need to kick up a big stink about with school. It simply cannot continue.

dancingmustard · 08/12/2011 03:04

Some great advice on this thread and agree that the bullying needs to be addressed by using the police if the school don't step up to the mark.
In my experience schools have been complacent if not downright complicit where bullying in schools are concerned.

skybluepearl · 08/12/2011 07:16

it's theft. go to the police and report it. it also maybe bullying? if it is it needs dealing with. suggest they get lockers.

don't buy the shoes until he is up a size. tell the school they have to replace shoes if they are that keen to have him in different footwear. you are not made of money. write to the goveners if you get no joy from the head. also phone the LEA and ask what thier take on the matter is. he should not be on report or in detention. your son should simply be able to carry a note to show teachers - highlighting the fact that his sheos were stolen.

KittyFane · 08/12/2011 08:02

Good luck OP, I am a secondary school teacher and you need to stand your ground. See what the FT comes back with but If you are not happy make an appointment to go into school and talk to the HT.
Go armed with a written list of things that have happened.
Nobody should put up with this.
Your DS should not be punished for wearing trainers however, the school needs you to give them ALL of the facts ( written down if you don't think they are hearing you) in order for them to take action.
I hope it goes ok. Be persistent if you are fobbed off.