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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to sell the school they can sing for this?

77 replies

giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 13:57

ds1. 11, 1st yr high school came home monday minus his school shoes. he had P.E. left his clothes in the changing room, as they all do, and when it came to getting changed back his shoes were gone. he asked the P.E. teacher who said, nothing i can do, ask the lads sitting near you if they have seen them. he asked and had a look and then got told to get to his next lesson. at the end of the day he went to the office to see if they had been handed in then went back to the P.E changing to see if they had apperared.
they havent.
when he came home i called the school to see if they had been handed in by any of the cleaners etc but they hadnt.
he came home with a pass so that yesterday he is allowed to wear trainers, which he did.
he text me on his lunch hr to tell me his form tutor has said he only gets a pass for one day and he needs shoes for tomorrow or he is on detention.
my thought is no farking way.
i called the reception to see if they had apperaed yet and was told no so i said that until they had been found he would be continuting to wear his trainers. the receptionist said that wasnt allowed and he would be put on detention, i said please get his form tutor to call me when he is free as this was not acceptable, teacher called me back after school to tell me that if he wasnt in regulation uniform he would be put on report and detention until he had the correct uniform.I said he had no chance and that i have already supplied him with the uniform and until he had gone up a size in shoes, ( so when he trainers are too small so i know his shoes would have been too small) i would not be buying more school shoes.
apparelty i should now expect a call from the head.
AIBU?

OP posts:
spiderpig8 · 07/12/2011 14:27

primary school have just returned to me one of DS2's shoes thay found behind something in the cloakroom.He is in Y9 now!!! So things can get lost for a long time.But I think the OPs case is different.i think someone has hidden them .Don't capitulate over this.the school need to be taking this more seriously.You need to threaten the school with letters to governors etc.

startail · 07/12/2011 14:29

YANBU I would send him in trainers till the end of term and tell him not to go to any detentions.
Casual theft, moving things for a joke and a totally lazy attitude to handing things in to lost property by pupils and staff drives me crazy.
DDs clearly labelled coat turned up 3 months after she lost it. She is a bit dizzy, but she sorts fucking lost property some lunch times. So I think she'd have spotted itAngry

ddubsgirl · 07/12/2011 14:31

ugh just had this,not lost but ds has ripped his shoes,he has had to wear trainers,told school that until i could get a new pair not much i can do,waiting for new shoes to come,£11.99 in sports direct,i refuse to pay out much as only just over a week left of school and hes wrecks them playing footy.
i had my shoes nicked when i was at school,never did find them :( and ds1 had his whole bag taken,uniform was in there as he was doing pe,bag was found next day lucky uniform still in there but wallet & pencil case were gone.

Scholes34 · 07/12/2011 14:32

I thought this thread was about the unreasonableness of a school expecting the OP to buy new shoes within 24 hours?

Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 14:32

oh, i hate the thought of him being bullied.
he is lovely.

OP posts:
HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 07/12/2011 14:32

I would be really cross; the school are being obtuse, unfair and skirting over the real issue that someone has stolen the shoes and turning it round into being your son's issue, which is unfortunately something that many schools do to children that are bullied or picked on.

I would tell the headteacher that you will buy a new pair of shoes (get cheapos from Tesco or Primark or somewhere like that) but that you want to make an official complaint about the shoes being taken and about the lack of input from the school in resolving the matter. Then put it in writing and copy the governers in too. Really kick up a stink about it and don't let the school get away with behaving in this lackadaisical way.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 14:33

Definitely take this as far as you need to, to get it sorted. The bullying is clearly continuing and neither DS nor you should be punished for it. Clearly they need to provide lockable lockers (or a locked room) for PE time. The shoes being stolen in class time is something they need to take responsibility for. It's not like DS could choose not to leave his things there is it.

UnexpectedOrange · 07/12/2011 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ddubsgirl · 07/12/2011 14:39

theft is a big thing at my twins school, dst2 had brand new coat taken last yr 1st day he wore it,both have had brand new jumpers taken,my dn has had her lunch box taken,my friends ds had his jumer taken,dn had her dinner money stolen from the classroom and heard many other parents complain,i did kick up a stink about the jumpers and school replaced them,the head was schocked when we told him parents keep the stuff and just cut the labels out,told him to look at all the stuff in lost proberty,99% will have label missing.

BourbonSprouts · 07/12/2011 14:41

Seems most schools are becoming this strict with uniform regardless of the reasons.
YANBU.

Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 14:45

they seem more concerned with uniform than they were when i contacted them about bullying.

OP posts:
DartsAgain · 07/12/2011 14:52

I agree parents cut the labels out. DS (at primary school) had a jumper go missing, he frequently takes them off and forgets to bring it home. Having lost one, I went into his cloakroom to check for the latest jumper and picked one up to check. It was DS's previous jumper with the label badly cut out, and part of his name still visible!!!

Needless to say I took that one home and sewed a new label in it!

At DD's secondary school, they have lockers, but I'll ask how the stuff is secured during PE.

eurochick · 07/12/2011 14:52

When the head calls, ask why the school thinks it is appropriate to punish the victims of crime and how that fits in with the school philosophy.

And definitely mention the bullying.

Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 14:55

ok, so far this term he was pulled off his bike, told he was going to get beaten up, and one of the boys got into trouble for harrassing a girl and said it was my ds that had actually done it. ( my ds had NOTHING to do with it, but i was called by a teacher to tell me what action they would take against him BEFORE they had spoken to him)
those things along with this ring true to bullying dont they?

OP posts:
ddubsgirl · 07/12/2011 14:55

its wrong isnt it darts,whenever my kids have come home with someone else stuff i have always returned it,you know its not your childs.

DartsAgain · 07/12/2011 15:07

I return stuff when DS brings home things that aren't his, usually because he hasn't properly checked. But the OP's problem sounds like someone's taken the shoes, and the school is in denial about the larger issue this is bringing up.

sillybillies · 07/12/2011 15:26

I would complain to the head and wouldn't rush out to buy new shoes. The shoes were lost during a lesson so the school is responsible. As a form tutor I would expect the student to wait a little while to see if the shoes show up first.
Make a big fuss about it - shoes aren't cheap after all so its reasonable to expect them replaced by after christmas?
Should note - i am a form tutor in a secondary school. It does smack of punishing a victim of crime (as said above)

MamaLazarou · 07/12/2011 15:28

YANBU. I would just tell the head what you have told us. What are they going to do - physically detain him? They can swivel.

VivaLeBeaver · 07/12/2011 15:30

I'd tell the head you're going to get the police involved seeing as its theft and the school aren't doing anything.

SantasHat · 07/12/2011 15:33

Theft is theft. You are not being unreasonable.
But, on a practical level, how do you prove which pair of shoes is your son's out of all the same size shoes in the school? Unless you marked the shoes somehow, with some kind of branding (burnt in sole maybe?) there is no proof.
However, you should make a fuss and not let this get past your defence.

Original poster
giveyourselfashiny · 07/12/2011 16:04

ok, now i am pissed off. very very pissed off.
he has just come home in tears and worried he is going to get told off by school.
when he went to get his bike after school, 2 boys, ( 1 who has caused probs all term) started with name callling and asking him if he wanted a fight, he got on is bike and they started kicking it and the wheel trying to pull him off, he got off and pushed one who ffell and banged his head, he then got up and started trying to hit ds who got on his bike and cycled off.
i have called the school and am waiting for the form tutor to call me back.
so far i have been nice and polite, and now i am very very fucked off.

OP posts:
TubbyDuffs · 07/12/2011 16:11

I'd go with the threatening the police too, its theft and if the school are going to stick their head in the sand then I would take matters into my own hands.

Ridiculous that they expect you to buy another pair of shoes within a day of him "losing" a pair, if they had been mislaid, the likelihood of them turning up in that timeframe is slim.

I am fuming on your behalf.

awayinaminger · 07/12/2011 16:13

How awful Shock poor ds

BourbonSprouts · 07/12/2011 16:17

Fucking fucking bullying! Angry
I feel your pain just remembering my own years at secondary school and awful kids. Some are just bloody vile.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 16:19

Poor DS :(

I'd be organising a meeting for tomorrow morning.

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