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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say something to school about this, or would I be seen as an intreferring parent?

38 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 07/12/2011 12:43

I had the joy of spending the whole day in my youngest DC's school yesterday. Hmm

I was in the hall and could see the PE lessons.

There's a girl in Y6, who, due to medical reasons, can't take part in PE, and has been unable to, on and off, sine Nursery.

Yesterday she sat in the hall and watched the other 29 pupils gave their lesson. No book, nothing at all to occupy her, just watching her friends have a great time. Sad

Now, surely, anyone with an ounce of compassion would see how sad this would make her feel?

Would IBU to suggest to staff that they find her something to do for the hour and a bit, just to distract her from the fact that she is, yet again, unable to take part in what her friends can? I can remember how great it was at school to be asked to do something non-lesson related - photocopying, putting stuff in envelopes, stamping the new books with school address. Surely anything like that would be beneficial to the girl and the school?

Should I keep my nose out?

«disclaimer: she could have been given choices and watching the class could have been her decision - I don't know that»

OP posts:
backwardLFDTpossom · 07/12/2011 12:45

«disclaimer: she could have been given choices and watching the class could have been her decision - I don't know that»

That is why you should keep your nose out.

whostolemyname · 07/12/2011 12:46

Gosh how sad. I dont think that would be unreasonable. She needs someone to look out for her. I wonder if her parents know?

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 12:47

It's hard to say really because as you say, she might have been offered an alternative.

Is she permanantly disabled or does she have a condition that's likely to get better?

If she's likely to get better, then perhaps she's learning whilst watching IYSWIM?

greenbananas · 07/12/2011 12:48

I agree with you completely. How sad!

Maybe there aren't enough staff to keep her occupied with something else - but I still think that's no excuse. They should be thinking creatively about how to meet her needs.

It's true that the school might see you as interfering, but I wouldn't let that stop you raising it.

nickelbabe · 07/12/2011 12:48

interferring.
i was worried for a sec that you hadn't made a typo!
(can't advise i'm afraid, just wanted to say hi)

Marne · 07/12/2011 12:48

Seems a bit Sad, my dd2 cant always join in with PE as well as a few other things, luckily my dd2 has her own TA and gets extra music, art or maths when she can't take part in other things.

I would be tempted to say something.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 07/12/2011 12:49

She's well enough sometimes, WorraL.

I know backward, that's what makes it hard, but what if they hadn't thought it through?

OP posts:
Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 07/12/2011 12:50

Ooh hi, nicely, are you still in one piece?

«rubs back»

OP posts:
ShellyBoobs · 07/12/2011 12:51

It would be a difficult one to approach without coming across as interfering. Do you know anyone (staff) in the school to whom you could voice your concern in passing?

As you said, it could be her choice to sit and watch but if it's not it would be nice of you to try to help her somehow.

nickelbabe · 07/12/2011 12:51

it is shit that she's not given anything to do while tehy're doing PE.
maybe you should say something

nickelbabe · 07/12/2011 12:52

(thank you for the back rub, that's nice)

backwardLFDTpossom · 07/12/2011 12:53

It must be hard to see the kid sitting doing nothing as an outsider, Chaos but I'd be VERY surprised if she hadn't been offered something else to do.

I teach a child who is in a wheelchair (I'm PT, hence not in today!) and she point blank REFUSES to do reading/games/other work when the others are doing PE - she does take part in PE sometimes, but obviously there are things she cannot do. I think she's scared that her disability is seen as a weakness? I would hate to think that someone would accuse me of not thinking about her needs when she's sitting watching the class. She tell me she enjoys seeing the others running about.

Just a thought.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 12:54

If she's well enough sometimes then I think they're probably doing the right thing as not observing any of the PE lessons she's missed, may end up holding her back in some way.

Do you know her parents? Maybe you could ask them if they're aware of this?

PresentsRibbonsAndMerrySantas · 07/12/2011 12:54

do you know her mum, maybe you could tell her what you saw, then she would be able to say something, i would be greatful if another parent told me, then at least i could send her in with a book to read

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 07/12/2011 13:00

It would appear that she's NT (as you haven't said otherwise) so I assume if she's not happy with the situation she would tell her parents - therefore I presume she's chosen to watch or there's a really good reason for it.

PresentsRibbonsAndMerrySantas · 07/12/2011 13:15

not always, my dd2 would sit in the learning zone at school playtime upset because she was missing her best friend, she never told me, nor did school, her older sister told me!!!!!

lljkk · 07/12/2011 13:17

I would think by y6 that the girl will have had ample opportunities to sample alternatives & voice her own preferences, so by now she full knows what she prefers; it's also possible she gets up to mischief when doing alternatives. Maybe she was even being punished the other day (not allowed her usual alternative) for some spot of mischief.

I know if DD couldn't do PE she'd at least like to spend more time with her friends, making silly faces while they pranced about.

Sticky beak out, OP.

wannaBe · 07/12/2011 13:20

I would keep out of it.

You are there to help in your own child's class, if this child was in the same class I could perhaps understand you asking why she didn't do something else but that's as far as I'd think it appropriate, but absolutely not on to start questioning/suggesting what staff should be doing with a child in another class with whom you have no involvement. I imagine they will have made suggestions etc - after all a child not being able to do PE even as just a one off must be a common occurrence, so highly unlikely they wouldn't think what to do.

"Do you know her parents? Maybe you could ask them if they're aware of this?" Again no no no. Op is in the school in a voluntary capasity to help out, not to go feeding back to parents about their children. Presumably this child is nt, and in y6, and perfectly capable of speaking to her parents...

lljkk · 07/12/2011 13:21

Also, if she usually sits & watches the others then when she is well enough to do PE, she'll understand how to play/what to do without further explanation; she'll catch up faster.

It is even possible that she uses her condition to malinger -- pretend she's not up for it just because she doesn't feel up for it. So staff might feel it best that she always sit in so that she doesn't get in habit of pretending to be ill to get out of PE & do something "funner".

I suppose that kicks off into discussion about whether PE really should be compulsary (for those able) at this age.

Anyway, OP, so much you can't know. If I knew the parents well I might casually bring up the fact that she looked bored.

titchy · 07/12/2011 14:03

Are you sure 29 of her friends were having a great time? Quite a loaded statement that! Of the 30 kids in ds' Year 6 class at least half a dozen (ds inc) would be having a dreadful time becuase they hate PE! DS would probably give his left arm to be allowed to sit and observe, even though he'd be bored!

I doubt she was feeling that sad about it tbh. So no, do not tell the staff how to deal with this particular child - they really do know better than you.

EdithWeston · 07/12/2011 14:09

As she in in year 6 (so 10 or 11), she should be able to speak up in school, or tell a parent who can speak for her if she wants to alter what she does when she cannot participate.

She is not your child; it is none of your business.

slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 14:16

It's none of your business.

At my ds's school they expect children who can't take part in PE to watch.

I quote from a letter we got. A large part of the PE Curriculum is about developing observation and analysis skills, gaining knowledge for healthy lifestyles and also leadership skills. Your child is able to work on these during lessons, even if he is physically unable to take part.

This is year 7 though.

Indaba · 07/12/2011 20:38

I am usually in the "mind your own business camp" in these type of debates....

but having read the OP, in my opinion,......

I would hope that in a primary school one could have the type of relationship with the teachers just to be able to ask very nicely if it was the usual situation that she "had" to sit and watch.

Is it so bad to ask a friendly question?

If it is too personal or too complicated surely a teacher could tell you to butt out, gently?

Willowisp · 07/12/2011 21:37

I think you should say something...I remember a teacher telling us off at school saying we'd never get that time back...which was a bit highbrow given we were 9, but I still think of it now.

Willowisp · 07/12/2011 21:39

For the detracters, would you like to sit & watch an aerobics or exercise class ?

At the very least she should be able to read a comic.