to be completely and utterly fed up with myself?

[MarchelineWhatNot]

OK, my life is good. It hasn?t always been this way. Don?t want to dwell on this, but it will maybe help with context. My childhood and early adulthood was pretty horrific, I then lost my fiancé and daughter in quite tragic circumstances. I only mention this to illustrate that I do know what real problems are!

So now I have a wonderful husband and kids, a job, somewhere to live and enough money. Not a lot, but enough. We have some family problems but live abroad, so are distanced from them. The problem is, that I am so miserable and grumpy and can?t get anything together. I know what I need to be doing, but I just don?t do it.

For instance, I am overweight, I know this. I have been told to lose weight by my doctor and the fitness trainer at the gym. I have a beautiful gym 2 mins from my work and can go anytime I like. I have been 4 times in a month. I just sit at my desk and comfort eat. Then I go home and comfort eat some more. I don?t know what?s wrong with me. I sit at work making all these lists of things I should be eating, then go home and order a takeaway because we had cockroaches in the kitchen and I don?t want to go in there to cook. However, I know this is an excuse as I eat rubbish at work, as well. I am so lazy. And I feel sorry for myself all the time. I feel so inadequate. When I see young, sporty people, I think I would like to be like that. Well, I can. I have the resources available to me, so why don?t I just do it? I feel I am getting old. I am beginning to look quite old, but part of that is because I am overweight and have this bloody miserable look on my face all the time!

I am pissed off with my boss, I hate my apartment, I worry that my DH is looking at pictures of other women on the internet (I caught him out a few years ago on this). I am sure he doesn?t, but when I imagine him doing this, I feel so betrayed. And then blame myself for being so fat and unattractive. He always tells me I?m gorgeous and he loves curvy women and he doesn?t want me to change, but none of the women in these pictures looked like me. They were all young and slim.

Aside from my DH, I want to look good for me. I have all these lovely work clothes that I bought when I started my new job in September, and gradually I have ruined them all. Two of them have split at the back as I?ve put on weight, one of them has split around the arms and the last one lost two of its buttons yesterday when I sat down in a taxi. They weren?t cheap, either. I now have no clothes.

I just don?t know what?s wrong with me. I am so grateful for all the good things in my life. So why do I feel so bloody hard done by all the time? I just don?t know what to do.

Can somebody help me, please?

rookiemater, I have the Paul McKenna book. I read a while back, but the hypnotic aspect to it scared me. Still, there were some good ideas in the book, so I'll try and read it again. I also have the 30-Day Shred . Exercise is a worry for me, as I suffered a back injury a year ago. I also cannot walk outside as I live in the desert. So, I have no choice really but to grin and bear it and go to the gym.

Ohbugrit makes a valid point. It all depends on how your mind works.

For many people, they can start a strict diet and then a couple of days in their subconscious starts going 'fuck this, you're not telling me what I can eat' and they end up eating a packet of biscuits almost out of spite.

It's a change to eating habits and addressing the reasons for them that result in sustainable long term weight loss.

Good luck with the diet.

I guess it does. For me, I need to see results. Quickly. I am very impatient.

Try and imagine yourself the summer or next Christmas or the rest of your life at the weight you want to be and not think about quick results.

Marcheline, if you follow a running plan you could easily build up to 30 minutes a day in 2 or 3 months. Running is one of the best calorie-burning exercises available. The heavier you are, the greater the calorie burn because you're carrying extra weight. Therefore sensible eating and regular running can definitely be enough for you to lose weight in the long term.

You've had a lot of past trauma. I don't think the weight is so much the thing as your mental state. If you cure the mental state you would stop the comfort eating. If you weren't eating bad foods your mental state might improve.

As said above start slowly. Start with 3 very good healthy meals a day and have your snacks etc after each meal. Get that established first. Forget the gym at first, although exercise does make most people feel better too. Just start with healthier foods and bit by bit change your diet to a healthy one for life.

(Don't worry about your husband for now but talk to him about how you feel and may be together you can help things - eg if there were no junk food in the house then it would be much harder for either of you to eat any)

marcheline I was in a similar position to you a few months ago and I am a little way down the road now. I joined Slimming World and have lost 2.5st. I feel so much better and that weight loss is a good incentive for me to keep going.

Anyway, wanted to tell you what helps me- I think about what I will eat the next day when I go to bed each night, I plan my meals in my head and imagine myself eating this healthy stuff. I also think about how I want to lose weight and how it is the right thing for me to do, I think about what it'll be like when it's all off. I suppose this is sort of meditation but it really helps me keep focused.

Good luck :)

Where do you live op?!

I know you dismiss it, but it totally sounds to me like you have depression and that you're expecting to feel better when you lose weight. You won't.

I know you dismiss it, but it totally sounds to me like you have depression and that you're expecting to feel better when you lose weight. You won't.

What a terrible thing to say. Here am I trying to do my best to sort out my weight problem (partly for health reasons) and you come out with something like that.

I do not have depression, I am miserable because I am fat. That is not depression. Even if I did have it, there is fuck all I could do. Unlike you, I don't live in a land of free medical care, counselling and anti-depressants.

You said in a couple of posts that you wanted people to be harsh with you. I was harsh with you. You're not miserable because you're overweight, you're overweight because you're miserable. For people who don't have depression or other emotional problems, eating sensibly and doing regular exercise is a sure-fire way to lose weight. For people who use food as a comfort because they have depression or other MH issues it is far from that simple, and that is the problem you have. You can't just eat sensibly and exercise because food has become a focal point for your problems. Unless you deal with those problems food will always be a focal point and you may lose weight but you'll either put it all back on again once you need food for comfort again or you'll transfer your focus to something else, possibly something more dangerous like alcohol.

It must be very hard to deal with these things when so little help is available. Is it impossible to get to a doctor to discuss your problems?

CailinDana, you know nothing about me. You are talking absolute drivel.

Fair enough. Really sorry to hear about what happened to your fiance and daughter. I hope I'm completely wrong and that you have great success in losing weight. Good luck with it :)

Yeah, off you go, and take your amateur psychiatrics with you

Sorry for upsetting you Marcheline.

That's harsh, Marcheline. You come on here and ask for opinions, and get shirty when you don't agree with them.

YANBU to be fed up. YABU to kick off when you don't like the answer.

Sorry I agree with CailinDana and unfortunately I am in that boat she describes ie overeating and overdrinking.

My post was along the same lines. The type of foods we eat can determine our mood. In fact it's more important to eat a balanced diet for health and mental health reasons than how we look/weight issues. Completely in line with people moving to refined foods, lots of biscuits etc people are getting fatter and fatter and depression is off the scale compared to how it was when we were eating 3 balanced meals a day. So get the food right in stages and then you will feel happier and it will be win win on all sides.

When I'm feeling lazy as hell and want to lie in pjs watching soaps and eating my own weight in trash I remember that I NEVER regret going to the gym after but often regret not going. You feel so amazing afterwards it's worth forcing yourself.

Definitely cut out sugar. It's hard but it's like an addiction and as soon as it's out of your system you'll stop needing it.