to be completely and utterly fed up with myself?

[MarchelineWhatNot]

OK, my life is good. It hasn?t always been this way. Don?t want to dwell on this, but it will maybe help with context. My childhood and early adulthood was pretty horrific, I then lost my fiancé and daughter in quite tragic circumstances. I only mention this to illustrate that I do know what real problems are!

So now I have a wonderful husband and kids, a job, somewhere to live and enough money. Not a lot, but enough. We have some family problems but live abroad, so are distanced from them. The problem is, that I am so miserable and grumpy and can?t get anything together. I know what I need to be doing, but I just don?t do it.

For instance, I am overweight, I know this. I have been told to lose weight by my doctor and the fitness trainer at the gym. I have a beautiful gym 2 mins from my work and can go anytime I like. I have been 4 times in a month. I just sit at my desk and comfort eat. Then I go home and comfort eat some more. I don?t know what?s wrong with me. I sit at work making all these lists of things I should be eating, then go home and order a takeaway because we had cockroaches in the kitchen and I don?t want to go in there to cook. However, I know this is an excuse as I eat rubbish at work, as well. I am so lazy. And I feel sorry for myself all the time. I feel so inadequate. When I see young, sporty people, I think I would like to be like that. Well, I can. I have the resources available to me, so why don?t I just do it? I feel I am getting old. I am beginning to look quite old, but part of that is because I am overweight and have this bloody miserable look on my face all the time!

I am pissed off with my boss, I hate my apartment, I worry that my DH is looking at pictures of other women on the internet (I caught him out a few years ago on this). I am sure he doesn?t, but when I imagine him doing this, I feel so betrayed. And then blame myself for being so fat and unattractive. He always tells me I?m gorgeous and he loves curvy women and he doesn?t want me to change, but none of the women in these pictures looked like me. They were all young and slim.

Aside from my DH, I want to look good for me. I have all these lovely work clothes that I bought when I started my new job in September, and gradually I have ruined them all. Two of them have split at the back as I?ve put on weight, one of them has split around the arms and the last one lost two of its buttons yesterday when I sat down in a taxi. They weren?t cheap, either. I now have no clothes.

I just don?t know what?s wrong with me. I am so grateful for all the good things in my life. So why do I feel so bloody hard done by all the time? I just don?t know what to do.

Can somebody help me, please?

Thanks everyone for replying. This is my new strategy. I am going back on Dukan and am going to hit the gym starting on Friday morning (we have our Christmas Party tomorrow, so I would be setting myself up for failure if I started before then).

Dukan:
Breakfast: plain yoghurt & oatbran
Lunch: turkey ham omelette
Dinner: salmon or chicken or steak.

Gym:
Sun to Wed: running (15 mins) and try some machines
Thu: swim
Fri: Combat class (10 am)
Sat: Pump class (10 am).

I really do need to lose the weight, not just for my self-esteem, but for my health also.

Please wish me luck, everyone. And if anybody has any more advice, I would be very grateful.

Thank you.

Hi,
Have you looked at / heard of myfitnesspal.com? I was feeling much the same way as you at the beginning of the year and a few of my friends said to try myfitnesspal...and I've loved it.

It's basically a free on line tool where you can track calories...and the more you exercise the more it allows you to eat, which is a great incentive to exercise. There is a great community there and on the whole the community promotes healthy ways to lose weight. They have a 'success stories' board which is really inspirational.

I joined in January and I've lost 33lbs and feel great. I've belonged to the gym for years and used to go once or twice a week, with little effect! Through myftinesspal encouragement I now run a few times a week and it makes a huge difference to my weight, but also to my mental health.

I realise I sound like an advert....I've got nothing to do with them, just love it!

Good luck Marcheline. This Easter I weighed 3 stone 12 pounds more than I do now and I never thought I could lose weight ( really tight size 16 and 13 and a half stone to a normal size 12 and nine stone nine pounds). One tip is to reward yourself with non food treats as you lose weight. I buy myself magazines, candles, nice bubble bath and body lotion instead of chocolates and crisps. I also cut down gradually otherwise I think I would have packed the whole diet thing in. First three months I ate normal meals but no chocs, sweets, cakes, crisps etc. Then I switched to much smaller portions and cut out most carbs. You can do it.

Losing weight is never easy, but I think the difference between those that have been successful and those that haven't is finding what works for you. That goes for both cutting back on food and for exercise. For some people it's low carb, for some it's not snacking between meals, for some it's eating little and often, for some it's counting calories. And exercise; some people hate the gym but love running, some people prefer workout classes or DVDs, or walking, or swimming, or dance classes. You just have to find something that you can stick to.

The other part of it is getting into the right frame of mind; you have to want to lose weight more than you want to eat that 3rd (and 4th, and 5th) biscuit.

Thats a good plan op.

Dukan is quite hard and very restrictive so be kind to yourself. If you find you're getting fed up of it, don't just give up and head straight for the biscuits, just try to adapt the plan to suit you.

I know I have to eat lots of veg on a long term diet otherwise I get fed up and constipated. Half my plate is veg. It includes sweetcorn, squash and other veg that are meant to be a bit more carby (not potatoes though)
They are still healthy and do your body a lot of good whilst still enabling weight loss.

I think fluffys approach is a very good one for someone who is a food addict and loves food too much. I did something very similar when I realised that I snacked so much that I was never actually hungry for meals.
I just had normal meals but cut out all snacking except 1 portion of fruit and realised that eating meals was much more enjoyable when I was actually hungry.
I ate less too as got fuller quicker and felt like I had more control over food, rather than the food controlling me.

Good luck and do whats best for you to keep you healthy and lose weight.

Hey, well done Fluffy and Almondreca! I'm off to check out MyFitnessPal...

By the way, how do you deal with the self-deception (f you suffer from it?). For instance, I tell myself I look great all curvy (I clearly don't) or that all my skin will sag if I lose weight and I'll look old. I also tell myself (if I'm hungry) that I need to eat otherwise I might faint and have a car crash

Yes, I think you definitely have to have your head in the right place to tackle over-eating

I hear what you're saying. I understand very well. I comfort eat too.

Please, please have a look at www.nhs.uk/Livewell/c25k/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx - I never ever thought I'd say thus but I can feel a longterm change happening because of couch to 5k.

Having said that, I think the comfort eating is a separate issue as I still do it. But I feel so, so much better about myself that I think it's likely I will do it less now anyway.

Good luck. It is a really horrible way to live and how can you not be angry with yourself when you're choosing to do this to yourself? We shouldn't be hard on ourselves but that's easy to say.

I'd say put the faddy diets to one side, you will find them unsustainable over the long term and just go round in circles

just start with eating healthy and increasing your exercise. Once you start to shift the pounds, you will feel incentivised to carry on

You dont need to ever be hungry on a healthy eating lifestyle

Also, foodfocus.co.uk is a free calorie logger, I find it helpful :)

Also, www.foodfocus.co.uk is a free calorie logger, I find it helpful :)

The early phases of Dukan are, as someone else says, very restrictive. I would add to that list you gave: a bowl of homemade vegetable soup, a couple of yummy 0% yoghurts, an apple and natural yohurt, more oat bran (I used to eat a couple of pancakes with lemon and sugar/sweetner in the evening too).

Plus, personally I always eat vegetables when I feel like it, even on the diet. You can't have too much broccoli and lovely salads.

If you are too restrictive, your pleasure loving side will simply rebel. If you have a meal out with dessert, so what?

Cutting back on snacking in the eves and comfort eating is really hard, and I think that's key for you, more than worrying about actual meals/exercising plans.

I also agree with those who say things run deep. I have learnt that the hard way, there's only so many years you can put a lid on stuff before it pops up. It might be no bad thing to think about having some counselling, as you sound very down on yourself and incredibly harsh, given you do have, in your own words, a nice life now with a loving husband.

Thanks so much for all your messages of support. In the end, I decided to start my new regime on Sunday (today). I went for a run on the treadmill this morning for 15 mins. I am going to download the Couch to 5k podcasts these evening and put them on my iPod.

Foodwise, I plan to do Dukan. I had a big bowl of fat-free yoghurt, oatbran and Splenda this morning and will have a turkey ham omelette for lunch and chicken curry for dinner. I will stick to the 'Attack' phase all week, then do the protein & veg one at the weekends.

I caught sight of myself in the mirrors at the gym this morning, and my heart sank. I can do this, can't I?

Of course you can! :)

I would suggest you ditch the diet though. It'll make things harder for you, not easier. Did you have a look at the foodfocus site?

Ditch the diet? Why?

I used to go to the gym regularly and would use the sight of myself in the mirror to motivate myself - as I ran/cycled I'd watch myself and chant (in my head - before I sound to much like a nutter!) 'get-ting thin-ner, get-ting thin-ner' - in pace with my workout, which really helped. :)

Also I was told to do:

• 10 mins cardio to warm up
• then do some of the weight machines (to build muscle and tone without bulk you do lots of repetitions with a small weight - choose the 2nd weight from the bottom and do 2 x 8 reps, if thats easy, add a 3rd set of reps the next time you use the machine - just in case you don't feel it at the time, but do the following day!). Choose 3 or 4 machines - 1 arms, 1 legs, 1 torso? (Hard to be specific without knowing what machines are there.)
• then finish with 20 mins of cardio where you try to break a sweat. Interval training works best for burning fat - this is where you go as fast as you can for a minute or 2, then really slow your pace to catch your breath... and repeat

Forget lunges and free weights - if you find them scary you won't go and you can always lunge at home if you feel the need to! :)

Keep a record of what you're doing, so you can see what you've achieved - just jot it on the calendar - every little thing you've done can be an extra note and it'll help you to feel positive about what you're achieving.

Oh and photograph/weigh/measure yourself with a tape measure - record this and then repeat in 2 weeks after going to the gym regularly.

Can I just echo what others have said, that you have to find what works for you and ignore all the others. Funny how in RL a lot of the advice comes from overweight people or slim people who have never had to diet or work at it in their lives. For example, for me what works are group exercise classes which are repetitive and predictable: Body Combat, Body Attack, Body Pump. I know I'm rubbish at motivating myself and I'm too embarassed to walk out halfway through a class so I will stay to the end. I am also very uncoordinated but these classes have stayed basically the same for aeons so you only have to go through the embarrassing stage once. I don't like the personal trainers at my gym and also have made myself unpopular with the sales staff by complaining about lots of things but I just smile sweetly when I see them, after all they're making money from me despite them being lying d*cks. i love my food too much to diet strictly and would personally rather exercise more to keep my weight steady rather than restrict myself, but when I do I go for fat counting or calorie counting, not faddy diets. I don't believe that carbs are all that bad: look at the mediterranean diet which is one of the healthiest out there! My parents are on Low GI diet because of my dad's diabetes and they lost weight without being hungry or very restricted as for the most part it just takes small changes e.g. switch white pasta for wholemeal, salad dressing for lemon juice, white potato for sweet potato etc. Sorry I am hugely oversimplifying low gI but I'm sure you can find plenty more online if you're interested. Good luck, I do believe that sometimes you need to hit rock bottom with your self esteem to make significant changes as it does take a lot of dedication but small changes can also make a difference to how you look and your mood.

I say ditch the diet because if you want long term sustainable changes then taking up running will give you that. Your body will change shape accordingly if you try to eat mostly sensibly. Dieting is unnecessary, is basically what I'm saying. Quiet low level effort kept up regularly is going to be more effective and sustainable than a tough brutal regime - and Dylan is pretty tough!

With respect ohbugrit, that is ridiculous advice. No-one lost weight on 15 mins running per day and 'sensible' eating, that is just not enough on its own.

Why is it that whenever you go on a diet you have people telling you not to do it?

On the clothes front, how about buying a few cheap bits in the size you are now tat you can mix and max that will keep you going until you Lise some weight. At least you will feel better about yourself now.

Sorry I meant that not tat.

Marcheline, I've lost 5.5 stone this year without dieting. Good choices and lots of walking is all it took. But I did need a "click" iny head where I didn't want to be fat any more.

Well done frosty.

Please do try PMcK as linked earlier in the thread.

Strangely in order to lose weight you need to like or at least accept yourself at the weight you are now otherwise you will self sabotage.

Because of your awful childhood you may be using over eating as a way to block out unhappy memories ( something I read in PMcK) and you may require RL support as Bonsoir has suggested to move you forward.

Exercise is great, but you don't need to go to the gym to do it and if you are overweight sometimes the gym is very depressing as it seems to be full of perfect bodies. Commit to at least a 15 min walk a day, buy an exercise DVD - I love the 30 day Shred and it costs about £6 on Amazon.

Your diets fail because you have an all or nothing approach and aren't dealing with the fundamental reasons you overeat. I have nothing but sympathy for you as I find it hard to keep to a reasonable weight and I don't have any underlying reasons for overeating.

Good luck.