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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'a few nights in a b&b' is rude in these circumstances

51 replies

GeorgeEliot · 05/12/2011 21:00

DH's recently divorced American cousin and her recently widowed mother are coming to stay with us for 5 nights over New Year period, DH is very close to the family and this has been planned for several months partly as something nice for them after losing their father/husband.
Cousin recently met new bloke, and asked if he could come too - we said no problem, we'd love to meet him, he'd be very welcome etc.
DH just got email from new bloke asking us to recommend a local B&B so he and cousin can spend 'at least a few nights' alone together. They are only staying with us for 5 nights altogether, and as they are travelling from the West Coast don't know when we'll see them again.
We have plenty of space, so that is not the issue (2 spare bedrooms with double beds and spare bathroom).

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 05/12/2011 21:01

I think that's fine really.
Presumably they want to go back and shag like rabbits, being a new relationship and all, and they don't want you or her mum to hear it.

'Tis not at all rude if you'll be spending time with them during the day at some point.

SantasStrapon · 05/12/2011 21:02

I'd be very grateful actually.

Callisto · 05/12/2011 21:04

Gosh, not rude at all. In fact extremely polite imo.

piprobincomesbobbobbobbinalong · 05/12/2011 21:04

Sounds quite thoughtful to me.

Kayano · 05/12/2011 21:06

Not rude at all!

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 05/12/2011 21:06

Agree with DamnBamboo, they no doubt don't fancy taking the risk of you all overhearing them Grin

I wouldn't find the idea of them sleeping in a B&B rude, tbh. Although I would actually find it very rude of someone to say that they want to "spend at least a few nights alone together"

Oooh, we want at least a few nights alone together aka we don't want to spend the whole time with you

But then, I overthink things

And so, I suspect, do you Grin

DeeOfTheNorth · 05/12/2011 21:06

I think they're just being thoughtful. Why not respond with a few suggestions for B&B's but also say that they're very welcome for the full 5 days at yours (not too much trouble, etc, etc). Says it's totally up to them though and either way is ok by you. Smile

Catsmamma · 05/12/2011 21:07

I don't think that's rude at all!

It's your cue to make the point that they are ALL very welcome to stay at yours, plenty of space etc and to ensure that he feels part of things

But it is very thoughtful and discreet of them to suggest the B&B option, and may work better if the new man wants to stand back a bit from the family, under the particular circumstances as he will have his own neutral space.

TheOriginalFAB · 05/12/2011 21:07

Not rude at all.

Original poster
GeorgeEliot · 05/12/2011 21:08

But think it will make logistics harder, and feel sorry for the mother being abandoned by daughter and new bloke, who wasn't even on the scene when trip was planned.

But it's looking as if IABU according to the MN jury ...

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 05/12/2011 21:08

why don't you say that he is welcome to stay with you too? but suggest that they have a couple of day trips out for their "alone" time

i have to agree, i think it's kind of rude if you invite people to stay with you and they then go off somewhere else with someone else.
presumably she can see this new bloke as and when she likes? whereas she doesn't often get to spend tiem with you?

LoveInAColdClimate · 05/12/2011 21:08

Not rude.

PattySimcox · 05/12/2011 21:09

I would say it is the opposite of rude - they don't want to be shagging in your house, and presumably they want to be sensitive to the newly widowed mother.

herbietea · 05/12/2011 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheFallenMadonna · 05/12/2011 21:10

So the mother is staying with you? Sounds OK I think.

Sirzy · 05/12/2011 21:10

Why will it make logistics harder? You plan for 3 days with everyone there and then 2 days with his Aunt. As long as you know which days they have booked then where is the issue?

DamnBamboo · 05/12/2011 21:10

Well are they planning on just staying away for three full days, or will they just 'retire' to their B&B in the evening.

In which case mother will have had an accompanied day, hopefully doing something nice and in the evening will be ready for cup of tea/glass of wine/crossword/tv etc...

I really don't see the problem, unless of course they're dumping mother at yours. Do you know if this is their plan?

pictish · 05/12/2011 21:11

They want to get down to some serious humping, and would rather do it where family isn't going to hear.
I can see where you're coming from, as it seems as if they are prioritising their luuuurrrvve over seeing your dh....BUT I say hooray! House guests are like fish, after three days they start to stink. Wink
Heave a sigh of relief and be glad OP. Grin

thisisyesterday · 05/12/2011 21:11

wow am surprised the amount of people who don't think this is rude.

you invite a guest over, and plan everything out for their stay

and they then go and stay somewhere else with someone they could spend any other time with?

actually... does the cousin know that this new bloke has even sent the e-mail? i would speak to her first before doing anything else.
it would be a real shame not to spend the time with her given that you hardly see her

maybenow · 05/12/2011 21:13

it's a big ask for 'new bloke' to spend five whole nights with extended family he's never met before... i would find that hard... i think it's reasonable that they want a bit of space to shag to themselves after a couple of nights (it is new year and most new couples dont' get to spend much time together outside of holidays)

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 05/12/2011 21:13

maybe he feels awkward. He is the new bloke coming to meet strangers who are so close to these women - and to the men they have loved and lost.

I bet he's really not looking forward to it at all Grin

flowerytaleofNewYork · 05/12/2011 21:14

Actually I think it's possibly a teensy bit 'off', yes. Presumably cousin and new bloke get plenty of opportunity to spend nights alone when at home? So if they are concerned about...er..making noise at night, they could refrain for a few days.

Not rude but a little bit Hmm, assuming as I say that they spend plenty of time/nights together ordinarily.

DamnBamboo · 05/12/2011 21:15

But if they're just going back to the B&B in the evenings, why would it be a problem?

My DB's did this when they stayed at mine. Went back to their B&B's late evening and came back in the morning; although I didn't have the room so there was no choice.

I saw them loads.

piprobincomesbobbobbobbinalong · 05/12/2011 21:17

I was also wondering if the cousin was feeling rather overwhelmed with her own divorce, the death of her father and (presumably) spending a lot of time recently supporting her mother. Perhaps they have decided to take the opportunity for the cousin to get away for a night or two safe in the knowledge that her mother is with family. Perhaps she needs a break from her mum?

FredFredGeorge · 05/12/2011 21:17

Absolutely not rude, you can try and re-assure them that they can hump like rabbits in your house - tell them the walls are very thick, or their bedroom is miles away from everyone elses. But generally I'd say arranging to spend a couple of nights away from the group and give you time alone with the aunt is a good idea.