to be annoyed with DP's Mum? - Petty and long - sorry :0(

[ButternutSquish]

There's a well documented thread about me and DP (Fiance now) and how he's been in the past overly influenced by his parents.

In August he went to see them (they're in the North, we're in the South - Phew!) to see some cricket about a month after we'd had a 4 day visit to them.

I've lost quite a lot of weight this year and I do this by eating when I'm hungry and stopping when I've had enough. With this plan I can still eat out which is something which DP & I do quite alot. My stomach has shrunk and I now physically can't eat as much as I used to be able to, even though I love food. When we go out I still order a starter and a main course, but never a pudding. I rarely finish the main course, but still really enjoy my meal.

When we were up with them we were taken out for a meal in a nice restaurant and I ordered what I wanted and left some of the main course, again as per usual.

As a side issue, his mum is bullemic and is very slim.

After this visit the first issue that came up was that his Mum burst into tears that she's not going to become a 'grandma' & couldn't he do something about it. I'm infertile and we don't want to adopt. I'm also too old for IVF, & I have a low egg stock. He was really angry with her as it isn't something that's just been dropped on her, she's known for 3 years but felt as she was crying that he couldn't have a go at her.

Anyway, 5 months on and they're coming down this weekend and we've booked a restaurant. We were having a curry out on saturday and we were discussing my diet and I said 'it's worked well because I don't feel under pressure to eat everything on my plate' which then sparked off the comment 'oh yes, just to warn you but my Mum was really annoyed that you ordered loads of food when we went up and then you left all of it!'

Err, no I didn't! They chose to pay for the meal, I didn't expect them too and I didn't actually leave that much because it was lovely!!

Up until recently we've got on really well, but now I can do nothing right!

I know this is stupid but I hope it really snows and they can't make it down this weekend! Not sure I can put on my 'happy face' & grin and bear it

I don't see why the OP should just order a main meal. Even if she did it doesn't mean she'd finish it. I know I'd could eat a soup followed by a main meal but I couldn't eat two bowls of soup because I can only eat so much of one type of food. I don't see why people have to finish what's on their plates either. I believe my weight problems are, at least in part, down to the fact that as a child I was always told to finish what was on my plate. Nowadays I find it very difficult to leave anything on my plate and a lot of places serve large portions, more than is needed really.

OP well done on your weight loss, so far, and good luck with the remainder

Ma in law mustn't have much to engage her brain if all she is worried about is how much you leave on your plate. Buy her a puzzler magazine for Christmas. Oh and tell dh to keep it zipped regarding her opinions.

When DS2 was younger he used to declare himself 'bored' with his meal. If we were out for a family dinner he then got leapt on; e.g. 'if you didn't finish your main you can't have pudding' to the degree where I think he forced himself to do the one in order to enjoy the other.

OP, is this what you mean by had enough which isn't the same as being full?

Intriguing concept: sometimes after a roast lunch my sons will ask what's for dessert, tho they're clearly not hungry. I'll certainly think about smaller mains with a small pudding in future!

Oh & well done; seems like the optimum diet. Weightloss with no deprivation.

Don't ask for a doggy bag if you don't want one, don't over eat and learn to nod and smile a lot. Order what you want, and offer to pay, if they don't want you to pay then nod and smile if they have a whinge.

Some people like to interfere and control, thing is they can only do this if you let them.

You MIL is not going to change, you can however, just nod and smile, nod and smile. Don't answer any questions you don't want to and don't get into any conversations about food you don't wish to have.

I find the Nod and Smile approach very useful in many situations.

yanbu

it's horrible being moaned about behind your back. There's nothing wrong with ordering a starter and main course if you're not going to clear your plate. You may not have a huge appetite but still want to taste both dishes and enjoy them.

Good luck, smile and nod, they're her problems not yours.

Spermysextowel (God I love that Name! )

Something obviously just clicks in my brain to say that I've had enough. I'm not full and certainly could eat more. The trick is to listen to that signal and just stop. Occassionally I'll have a forkful more, but usually I just stop. Sometimes it's really annoying because I'm really enjoying my food and want to eat it all. Guess you really can't have it all!

You MIL sounds very self possessed. So
she asked your DP if he can do something so she can become a grandmother?! It's not about her though is it? It's about him and you and if you're ok about it she should keep her mouth and tear ducts shut in front of any of you two.

Also, the need to clear your plate is ridiculous, you don't buy somebody dinner and then expect them to lick their plate clean... Well done for having a healthy appetite and being able to stop when you're full. I think that's what most of us would love to be able to do!

Ignore your MIL's comments and ask your DP to not repeat them to you.