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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by the ladies in the school office?

56 replies

mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 10:52

my dd is in year 1 and goes to the local school.

The teachers are generally lovely and approachable but because i work I do sometimes have to deal with the office staff as I am not always there at drop off and pick up

The office staff are so rude and unhelpful,

today, dd's teacher had very kindly allowed me to watch the dress rehearsal of the school play (I am a teacher in another school and my head will not allow me time off to go to either of the real performances, so I know this was a really kind thing of her to offer). So I turn up at school office this morning and say why I'm there and they basically accuse me of lying and say I shouldnt be there and then slag off the teacher in front of me for allowing me to come. They phoned through to the class room saying "there is a lady here at the front desk claiming to be the parent of X and she seems to think she's allowed to come to the dress rehearsal" they eventually let me go through but were really nasty about it!

This is not the first time I have had run ins with them. Every time I phone up or pop in (about 4 times since she started school last sept so I am not a pain!) they are defesive unhelpful and make me feel like crap for even being there!

I really feel like complaining but know its not worth it as then they will just be more crappy to me probably.

I am really happy with the education dd is recieving but these ladies really are awful, and make me not want to ever have to ask anything. I am soon retruning to work full time and am dreading ever having to phone up about anything (which I will have to do as I wont ever be there to drop off and pick up)

OP posts:
Notquitegrownup · 05/12/2011 12:26

Agree that they are either stressed or suffering from over confidence/bullying you.

Alternative strategy: be confident. Next time don't apologise for being there. Enter briskly, smile confidently and say, "Good morning, I have an appointment with X. She is expecting me at the dress rehearsal at 4" If necessary, do a little power dressing. You have a right to be there, you have organised it with the teacher. Go for it.

If they question you, smile confidently and say, 'No, that's not right. I have an appointment.' Any further problems, do go to a governor. You shouldn't have to put up with that again.

octopusinabox · 05/12/2011 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ceebie · 05/12/2011 12:57

I rather suspect complaining will not improve anything and is more likely to make them worse.

I agree with Notquitegrownup - be pleasant but ultra-confident, insist politely that you are correct etc and treat it as if it was a business transaction with a difficult client whom you have to be nice to. In fact be as lovely and friendly as possible, but above all completely unfazed by their frostiness. Don't let them bother you!

BurntToffee · 05/12/2011 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

camilla2010 · 05/12/2011 13:12

yanbu to be upset but yabu not to have burst out laughing! It's so rude it's like something out of a comedy!

sleepevader · 05/12/2011 13:13

Does you child go to the same as mine?

Watching and reading with interest

HSMM · 05/12/2011 13:25

You have had bad luck. DD 's receptionists at primary and secondary have been lovely.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 13:35

Sleepevader I'm in the south east Wink much as I'd like to think these ladies are one of a kind I doubt it sadly

Yes I should have laughed and it is funny now but I've got a lot of crap going on at the moment and am just so fed up and knackered that I'm surprised I didn't burst into tears tbh.

The advice to be confident and know what I want is excellent thank you Smile

OP posts:
Feminine · 05/12/2011 13:41

I agree with squeaky

I'm sorry you have to deal with them...:)

But, you have every right to be there... you might just have to grow a tougher skin and try to block them out.

oliandjoesmum · 05/12/2011 13:45

Same here, one of office ladies seems to hate me, not sure if is just me or everyone. Even if I go in to ask the most reasonable things (do they have a polo shirt in for DS3 in/ how much do I owe for lunch money) she looks at me like I am the most demanding and objectionable woman on earth. Think it is the same principle as doctor's receptionists - guardians of the head teacher/ doctors and so feel it is their job to protect them from crazed parents/ patients. Sure it is not universal, am certain there must be loads of completely lovely school receptionists around.

lljkk · 05/12/2011 13:47

We have a nice school receptionist, very accomodating.
My dentist's receptionists I used to rate as highly bitchy... then I got to know one of them out of hours (toddler group with her granddaughter). She is actually quite shy & probably a little insecure, who would have thought!? We are on good terms, now, and all her colleagues are now fairly friendly to me, too.

Just laugh at them, OP and come on here and tell us all the juicy details whenever you need to let off steam.

MabelLucyAttwell · 05/12/2011 13:49

CleverClod

I also used to work in a school office ao know what work has to be done and what it's like there. If the office women are impolite to parents, what are they like to other visitors eg deiverymen, local councillors, postmen, teachers, caretaker?

gladbag · 05/12/2011 13:55

My son's school had a breath-takingly rude and grumpy receptionist, who was commonly complained about in the playground, and had been for years.

When I actually plucked up the courage to speak to the Head about a particularly abrupt and unhelpful encounter I had had with her, he asked me to put the complaint formally in writing. The gist was that he knew full well what she was like, but without people actually making formal complaints, there wasn't much he could do about it. So that would be my advice to you. Good luck!

(She's since left, of her own accord apparently, and the school office is a much friendlier place Smile)

AWimbaAllTheWay · 05/12/2011 13:56

They sound very rude!

The admin staff at my dcs school are wonderful, go out of their way to help, know all the children's names and always have a friendly smile. Which I think proves the job can be done both efficiently and politely. No excuse for such behaviour.

randommoment · 05/12/2011 14:00

One of the greatest moments of joy in the primary years was when the dragon in reception resigned and was replaced by a normal human being... The dragon was fantastic with accounts and school finances were in excellent order but her people skills were zero.
Strangely enough I see her regularly in the supermarket, and now she works in a big companies accounts dept we get on fine. The trouble with a school office is that staff have to cover a multitude of roles, esp in a small school which may have only one admin.

BurntToffee · 05/12/2011 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Robins · 05/12/2011 15:01

Bit of a silly (childish) post on here from somebody that is a teacher really! That is not to say you shouldn't complain and if I were you I would complain to the Head.

Fecklessdizzy · 05/12/2011 15:24

There are two receptionists at DS2's school, one is lovely and the other is a total Cow-Bag From Hades ... Phoning up about anything is like russian roulette as you never know which one you're going to get!

berylmuspratt · 05/12/2011 15:29

Iwork in our village school office and jobshare with someone, it is a job when you get constantly interrupted etc, etc but as BurntToffee said it goes with the job, we knew how it would be before we started. I blimmin love my job, the children are ace, the parents in the main are lovely and the staff are lovely too.

I was working this morning, listening to the children doing Christmas play rehearsals and thought how lucky I am.

The woman who did the job prior to me and my job share partner, had been there for 25 years and to be honest was a dragon, she was very rude and intimidating. We just try our best to help, that's what we're there for. I would defo complain to the Head if I were you OP.

PS we're not thick btw, I have a degree and my partner is an accountant, we just both happen to have school age children :)

auntpetunia · 05/12/2011 18:12

Whilst she shouldn't have been rude, it would have helped if the teacher had bothered to let the office staff know you where going to see the rehearsal, especially if it's not normal practice as appears to be the case. There is nothing more annoying than staff arranging things and not telling the office, it makes you look and idiot when you have no idea what they talking about. But in my experience teachers are the rubbish at this, they will make arrangements like yours but tell no one about the alteration to the norm.

And to the earlier poster who said all office staff are dim... you are rude. Office staff have to have at least a degree as well as the School Business Manager diploma /certificate to work in any school in our area. Between us me and my colleague have 2 degrees, certificate /diploma in School Business Management, 7 a levels.

snetter · 05/12/2011 18:27

mmm.. SouthEast you say? Maybe I know which school you're talking about! Grin

YANBU.

Hardgoing · 05/12/2011 19:13

AuntPetunia but even if the teacher hadn't told the office staff, it's surely no trouble for them to go and check when someone turns up, not insinuate they are in the wrong. It's an attitude thing, misunderstandings and miscommunication happens all the time in schools, doubly so with children, but handling it all with grace and a sense of humour should go with the job. Our office staff would be mortified if a parent went away feeling belittled, they are genuinely there to help out and answer queries and find missing things and take messages, they are the hub of the school really (note to self to get them something nice at the end of the year).

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 19:17

You can imagine the conversations that these admin staff have with their friends...

"oooh that school wouldnt be able to run without me you know"

and even the "my staff and pupils.... yada yada"... trying to insinuate that they are in charge.... Wink

auntpetunia · 05/12/2011 20:27

Hardgoing according to the OP they did go and check, to quote the OP "They phoned through to the class room saying "there is a lady here at the front desk claiming to be the parent of X and she seems to think she's allowed to come to the dress rehearsal" they eventually let me go through but were really nasty about it!

Ok not the best of words, but as the OP says she's only been the office about 4 times since the start of the year they won't know her from Adam . I agree about miscommunication and the need to be polite to visitors but it's a two way thing if it's never been the case that people are allowed to go to the dress rehearsal you can understand them being sceptical.

And squeakytoy any admin who says they couldn't run the school without me is telling the truth , you ask any Head teacher or teacher and they will admit it. My school recently had the horror dawn on them when both myself and my colleague caught a vomitting bug from the kids and were off for most a week..caos, no registers read, no dinners ordered, no money accounted for, no bills paid, parents phoning up asking questions that the TA's/supply staff who covered the office had no clue about. Fortunately our staff all appreciate everything we do, as do our parents who where all so glad to see us back the next week.

rufusnine · 05/12/2011 21:25

Aunt petunia - I'm with you!!! Our school secretaries rock!! I know I am one of them!! We are being type cast by some on this thread I think. I go the extra mile for "my" kids and "my" school! It's a really demanding job these days and you have to think on your feet to sort out the many many problems, but I love it!!! We have lovely parents and children in the main, however some can be challenging to say the least. One of the main things I would just like to say to all parents -LABELS!!! Label your kids clothes, label your child's possessions and please, please, please send money in in NAMED purses or wallets or sealed NAMED envelopes!! The nightmare of loose money AArgh!!!!! To finish I'd like to say I think I'm a nice person who helps everyone I can whether at work or not!!! Don't tar all school secretaries with the same brush!!

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