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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by the ladies in the school office?

56 replies

mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 10:52

my dd is in year 1 and goes to the local school.

The teachers are generally lovely and approachable but because i work I do sometimes have to deal with the office staff as I am not always there at drop off and pick up

The office staff are so rude and unhelpful,

today, dd's teacher had very kindly allowed me to watch the dress rehearsal of the school play (I am a teacher in another school and my head will not allow me time off to go to either of the real performances, so I know this was a really kind thing of her to offer). So I turn up at school office this morning and say why I'm there and they basically accuse me of lying and say I shouldnt be there and then slag off the teacher in front of me for allowing me to come. They phoned through to the class room saying "there is a lady here at the front desk claiming to be the parent of X and she seems to think she's allowed to come to the dress rehearsal" they eventually let me go through but were really nasty about it!

This is not the first time I have had run ins with them. Every time I phone up or pop in (about 4 times since she started school last sept so I am not a pain!) they are defesive unhelpful and make me feel like crap for even being there!

I really feel like complaining but know its not worth it as then they will just be more crappy to me probably.

I am really happy with the education dd is recieving but these ladies really are awful, and make me not want to ever have to ask anything. I am soon retruning to work full time and am dreading ever having to phone up about anything (which I will have to do as I wont ever be there to drop off and pick up)

OP posts:
marriedandwreathedinholly · 05/12/2011 10:57

You need to raise it with the head. These women are role models for your dd as much as any teacher is. Having dealt with these sorts of people for a long time now, I am far more minded to pull them up directly when they are rude.

Having said that, I have come across some exceptionally rude school office staff in the last 13 or 14 years. Some lovely ones too though.

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 05/12/2011 10:57

I'd complain. But that might backfire.

They do sound horrid Sad

BourbonSprouts · 05/12/2011 10:57

The office staff at my DDs junior school are rude like that too. It's as though any dealings they have with parents is an inconvenience to their day.
You could always mention to the teacher. ''Oh I hope it wasn't a problem me coming to see the rehearsal. The office ladies didn't seem too pleased''

TheRuderBarracuda · 05/12/2011 10:59

My experience of people in an office like that is they're never that smart so a few nice gestures (dropping off a tub of sweets for christmas as a thank you for all their help - if it doesn't stick in your throat too much to say it!) usually has them purring about so and so being nice and they're busily onto pulling apart/being shitty to someone else.

I would definitely drop in where you are not asking them anything with something christmassy and edible (get in early) and make sure they know who you are and just be a bit gushy. i know i must seem a complete bitch writing this but seriously, ppl like this get off on their tiny bit of power because they don't have much else going for them and are generally easily flattered.

CleverClod · 05/12/2011 11:01

Sounds like they're a little too full of their own self importance if you ask me!

I used to be a school secretary, there is no need at all whatsoever for their attitude. They are there to work, part of that work is to deal with visitors. If they can't do it with good grace then they really shouldn't be there.

I'm sure the head would be very interested to hear their attitude towards visitors. If they continue to do it after you've had a word, continue to let the head know. It'll soon stop if the heads any good.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 11:02

Yes, it is like I am an inconvenience!

I did mention it to the teacher, I just said "I hope I didnt get you in trouble with the office staff because they seems pretty unhappy about me being here!" I did also thank her alot for letting me come as I know it was a privilage. She didn't look that surprised tbh Grin so I am guessing it is not personal.

The trouble with complaining is that if a teaching job ever came up at the school i would really like to apply for it, it would be so handy, and the staff there are amazing. I am pretty sure though that if I am the parent who complained, I wont become the parent who works there!

OP posts:
Mum1369 · 05/12/2011 11:02

You should realign complain politely to the head. But understand why that might cause problems. Sympathies to you though ( our school office is lovely) but a lot do sees themselves as guardians of the school and go a bit power crazed ! Politeness should be a pre requisite really.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 11:05

Ruder - I like your style! However, I did that last xmas and was met with a "oh, okay Hmm leave them on the side then!" no thank you, not even a smile. These ladies went to special training school to be who they are today Grin I suspect they thought I had poisononed the chocolates, I got such a funny look!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 11:08

Many school admin staff are under a delusion that they are teachers, or are in charge... it is a bit like Doctors Receptionist Syndrome. Grin

Original poster
mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 11:10

Hmmmm, yes maybe the ladies in the school office are related to my doctors receptionist! But why would being a teacher, or being in charge make it okay to be shitty to people?????? I am a teacher, I dont talk to people like they did.

OP posts:
whatstheetiquette · 05/12/2011 11:17

No need for them to be so rude and nasty. The (one) lady who does our school office is always nice, polite and does things properly. Since they are nasty to you anyway, I don't think you have anything to lose by raising it with the head. The head is their boss, presumably (?) and might be giving them an annual review (?). I don't think they should be allowed to get away with being so needlessly nasty.

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 11:18

It doesnt make it okay, but some of them do seem to take great pleasure in trying to exert authority that they dont have.

hackmum · 05/12/2011 11:21

It seems quite common - I certainly had problems with the admin staff in DD's primary school. Might be worth complaining to the head? I never did, because I didn't want to stir up trouble but I regret it now.

JWIM · 05/12/2011 11:22

Can I suggest you contact a Governor and just explain your experience - perhaps compare it with other school receptions you have experienced. You should then ask if the Governors might be concerned that these ladies are the first point of contact for anyone contacting the school be it in person or by phone. You could suggest the following possibilities - their attitude may dismay parents but could also colour the view of an Ofsted inspector on first arrival, put off a potential new member of staff visiting school prior to applying for a job, make a difference to a prospective parent coming to look at school for their child.

LingDiLong · 05/12/2011 11:25

Complain, definitely complain. If the teaching staff are friendly, helpful and professional then the attitude of the office staff is obviously not in keeping with the general ethos of the school. It may well be that the headteacher is itching to do something about them but because no-one ever complains she has no grounds to start formal disciplinary proceedings. Communication with parents is really important to most schools and these women are really undermining that.

Original poster
mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 11:29

Unfortunately I get the impression that the head is equally unnapproachable to the parents as the office staff are Sad but apparently fine with staff. It's almost like they think is them (staff) against us (parents)

OP posts:
Llareggub · 05/12/2011 11:30

What is the HT, and other senior staff like? I find that the attitude of many employees is coloured by the treatment they get from colleagues. I suspect that receptionists and school office staff may well get plenty of stroppy parents giving them grief.

I can't remember where I read it but I read something about staff who are treated badly are rude to customers very quickly, even if they are perfectly lovely to begin with.

I once crossed a nursery off my list because the owner showed me the grimmest, cell-like staff room with some glee. He said he did it deliberately so that they wouldn't take breaks. I surmised from this that staff turnover would be high and that it would be a miserable place for my son.

TheSecondComing · 05/12/2011 11:39

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BurntToffee · 05/12/2011 11:41

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Original poster
mycatoscar · 05/12/2011 12:06

I've been in or spoken to the 4 times since she started in sept 2010. Seriously, is that keen???!!! Once was about a consultation, once today and twice because they've asked me to pick her up when she was unwell! I don't think I've been particularly demanding Smile

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 05/12/2011 12:11

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BendyBob · 05/12/2011 12:12

Dearie me they sound dreadful. Honestly give some people a desk and a phone and it all goes to their head. What is it with receptionists? Hmm

The office is usually the first port of call for visitors to the school. They're not setting a very good impression.

Hardgoing · 05/12/2011 12:13

I am really surprised by this, because in my children's school, the reception staff are just lovely, and very accommodating to requests, changing silly things (e.g. can my child have a jacket potato at short notice) and even keep back disco tickets for me as I can't get any as I work. They are also lovely about holidays, illness, I chat to them quite often and am amazed at how sensible and patient they are with parents and their endless issues.

There must be a ringleader who is negative and horrible and she sets the tone. I don't know what you can do about it except be calm and professional. Also, address just one of them when you go in, so they can't gang up and roll their eyes so easily.

But this is very much a tone thing and one horrid person can end up dominating, unfortunately.

BurntToffee · 05/12/2011 12:19

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mamasmissionimpossible · 05/12/2011 12:24

The office staff at ds' infant school can be rude and off hand too, even though the teachers are lovely. I thought I was alone in this problem. I usually go in smiley and friendly and after speaking to them I feel like the life has been sucked out of me! Sorry to hear you find the office staff difficult, just wanted to know I share your pain!

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