Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

to not want to be the "wacky but really nice" one?

50 replies

SenseofEntitlement · 05/12/2011 00:26

Gah. I feel so mean.

DD1 has just started reception. Most of the other kids went to the nursery, and the parents (esp the pta) tend to know each other out of school through church or through living in the area forever (I moved here a couple of years ago)

Anyhow, the night after the school christmas fair, which I helped with, me and DH were in the local pub, where one of the dads came up to say hi. He was really friendly and nice, but was very drunk.

Anyhow, he said that I must be the "wacky but really nice" mum from school.

I know it was meant as a compliment, but I felt like I was back at school myself, being judged for having funny shoes.

I suppose I dress slightly out of the ordinary, but I don't think all that much - flat clarks shoes, coloured tights, full skirts, t shirts and big headphones being my usual kind of outfit. I'm rubbish at talking to people, so just tend to smile nervously and sometimes come out with cringy stuff by accident, but nothing huge.

I just don't want the other kids to notice that DDs mum is odd. I am odd, and it affects DDs life enough without me bringing it to school.

IABU, aren't I?

How can I blend in more?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 00:29

Why blend in?

That was a compliment, and one I would be proud to be given .. (and often have been, as I am not the most conventional person, dress or hair colour wise)...

There is a difference between being whacky, and being Sue Pollard.. and so long as you are not waltzing around in yellow platforms, green tights, polka dot silky blouses, and a furry handbag, I am sure you look great.

Dont change just so that you dont stand out from the crowd. Being an individual is what will make your daughter proud of you being her mum!

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 00:31

Although, maybe take the headphones off.. they are anti-social...and always make me think of that geek off "something about Mary" .. have some discreet ear plugs perhaps...

Pandemoniaa · 05/12/2011 00:32

"Wacky"? Do people actually use that appalling expression? I'd have been inclined to whack the very idea out of him.

But I think you need to stop categorising yourself, tbh. If you think you are odd then you'll convince yourself that there's something wrong with you. Not that, imho, there's anything at all wrong about being an individual with your own sense of style - in fact it is something to be admired.

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2011 00:33

If you're whacky then you're whacky...just be you. You're all you've got

yellowraincoat · 05/12/2011 00:35

Oh I've had this kind of stuff too - he probably meant it as a compliment. Keep being your sweet self.

Original poster

SenseofEntitlement · 05/12/2011 00:37

Should add, I do also have brightly coloured hair and a tendency to wear too much eye makeup. Thing is, I don't set out to dress oddly, I just pick up what seems like a reasonable outfit, it is only when someone says something like that when I look down and realise what I look like. Most of my clothes are things that my normally dressed mum has got fed up of, or I have found on ebay or charity shopping - I hardly ever get stuff from special shops, so surely it can't be that odd?

DH did point out that DD1 was the only child dressed in black at a recent birthday party. She looked so cute though, with a little polka dot bow in her big messy hair and biog stompy boots, and she is an odd child anyway.

Oh God, am I turning her odd?

We also have a two year old, but all two year olds dress and act like lunatics so she doesn't count.

DH was the only dad wearing a tweed suit and smoking a pipe too.

OMG we are the weird family of the school!

OP posts:

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 05/12/2011 00:39

YANBU. My MIL used to refer to me as "wacky" and I hated it because I am not Sue Pollard or Timmy Mallet and asked her to stop. The last time she called me anything it was "bitch" which I wasn't too happy about either but I prefer it to wacky.

I think she came to this "wacky" description because I occasionally wore a hat and tend not to worry about fitting it for the sake of it. I prefer to think of myself as perfectly normal and anyone who considers me "wacky" to actually just be a bit dull themselves.

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 00:42

Yep, you all sound a bit eccentric, but I love people who stand out from the norm.

You all sound great.

IV · 05/12/2011 00:45

You all sound like fun, actually.

Can I come and live with you?

JedwardThreesome · 05/12/2011 00:46

Sounds fine to me, why change? Your daughter will rebel by being the most conservative kid in class, most probably.

startail · 05/12/2011 00:47

Even dressed in jeans and the same brand hoody as the other mums, DD2 will assure you I am an embarrassing "wacky Mum".
Some of us just are, I think we just have to accept it.
DH, DD1 and I are just not destined to fade into the general crowd.
DD2 is so worryingly unwacky, that I'd worry that she got switched at the hospital.
However, she was born at home! So I suppose she's just collected our recessive normal genes

BertieBotts · 05/12/2011 00:47

You are not turning her odd, you are giving her the confidence to be who she is and showing her that nothing bad happens if you happen to dress a little bit different to everyone else.

A very important lesson! I wish my mum had taught me that :)

Original poster

SenseofEntitlement · 05/12/2011 00:48

The thing is though, I don't mind being odd myself, but I want DD to have the choice of whether to be odd or not, iyswim. I just don't seem to be able to "get" dressing normally!

I do also have some MH issues, which means I am super worried about people finding about that DDs mum is mad.

If I was to maybe get some normal looking clothes to wear for the school run (I only do it a couple of times a week) and for school activities (I do pta and storytelling) just till people know me as me, and not just seeing that I dress weird, would that work? And what do normal people wear?

OP posts:

festi · 05/12/2011 00:51

I dont think that sounds like a label the other mums have given you, I think he fancied or is intigued by you tbh and didnt know how else to approach you and his intoxicated state made him make a big gaff.

dont be offended I think he likes you and some how found a way to talk to you. I dont think the m ums really talk like that about other mums, well I bloody hope not as the mums in my dds class are a real mixed bunnch and we still manage to pass the time of day without further talk of each other.

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 00:53

I once got told off by my stepson for being a grandmother with pink hair!.... he says it was embarassing.... considering I was 40 then, (2 yrs ago).. I told him to get lost!

TheFrogs · 05/12/2011 00:54

You are making me think of penelope garcia from "criminal minds", I love her wackyness (is that even a word?).
Seriously though, I like wacky people, they make life interesting. I dont think you should change at all!

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 05/12/2011 00:54

Actually, I don't mind being called weird or eccentric or strange or anything else.

It's just wacky. I hate that word, it makes me think of really boring people who want to be fun and so say things like "I'm mad, me, I'm mental I am" when they really are not, they are just wearing a tie with a cartoon character on it.

I don't want to be wacky, but I do want to wear my hat or my shoes with the pictures of rabbits on them and occasionally some of those stick on diamonds in a pattern on my forehead (special occasions only, not the school run) just because I like them and I want to be able to wear them without being described to people as the deranged and wacky love-child of Sue and Timmy. I'm still perfectly normal, I'm just being normal in very lovely shoes.

festi · 05/12/2011 00:55

rofl @ NoOnes

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 00:56

SOE... please, you are worrying too much about this. Dont try to be someone you are not, just to "fit in". Be yourself.

Kids will probably love you because you stand out a bit from the crowd. It is not a bad thing or a mad thing.

You sound lovely...but honestly, ditch the headphones. If you have headphones on, it really is offputting to others as it looks as if you dont want to engage in a conversation if you have them on.

There is no such thing as dressing "normally". There is conservative... (in my opinion boring).. and there is individuality.. which is what you have got. Dont lose that!

Original poster

SenseofEntitlement · 05/12/2011 01:03

I always take the headphones off if I am in any way near people who might want to talk - ie I take them off to get on the bus (but back on quietly to ride the bus) and always off when I'm in the school grounds, but they hang round my neck. I mostly listen to them when I'm walking about by myself.

They are very cool though, and they annoy DH too for added bonus points :)

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 01:05

Then stop worrying. .

You sound like a fun person who people want to laugh with, not laugh at.

Dont change just because you dont think you look the same as everyone else. That is what makes you the person you are, and if you dress to please others, you are letting yourself down.

perfumedlife · 05/12/2011 01:18

"In a world full of caterpillars, it takes courage to be a butterfly"

Please don't change, and your kids will grow up to respect difference and will never be sheep, always a good thing! x

teacoupons · 05/12/2011 01:26

You sound amazing. Wacky is usually something I get called and at first I was a bit but now I embrace it. I love being a little out of the ordinary.

I agree with Perfumedlife, your kids will grow up to respect the difference.

TroublesomeEx · 05/12/2011 09:51

OP. Do you have curly hair too?!

You sound like my kinda gal.

I tried so hard to fit in at my DD's school. Think 'yummy mummies' - uggs, oversized bags, highlighted blonde hair... And also because I'm a teacher myself!

I just don't feel comfortable like that, but I did try. And now I turn up to school in my polo necks, docs and long skirts.... I wear a lot of Namaste and similar clothes, as well as making my own stuff and customising stuff I've bought. I do stand out a bit in the playground/classroom but I feel comfortable like that! And I'm being true to myself.

I can remember when my DS came home from school (in Reception) asking if I was a goth. It wasn't something we'd ever discussed (strangely!). And I did feel the need to 'tone it down' although I hardly went to school with a mohawk and a corset!

That "what do normal people wear?" is a question that's haunted me. I never look like the other mums, even when I've tried really hard! I just can't do it!!!

I spent 10 years trying (somewhat unsuccessfully) to be more like everyone else and ended up being less and less like myself so now I've thought "stuff it" and I dress how I want. Sometimes that's more 'conventional' sometimes less so. I don't ever look 'outrageous' because I do quite often shop in high street shops, but I just don't wear the stuff the same way as other people in the playground. Wallis do quite a few dresses that look pretty cool with bright purple tights and 14 hole docs!

They will think you're 'wacky' because you're 'unconventional'! But life is too short to wear beige!

Hardgoing · 05/12/2011 09:57

This dad obviously felt you were 'lovely', don't worry about the rest of it. Helping out at the fair, you will become very popular. Also, don't worry about the MH issues, you would find a quick survey would reveal lots of mums (and dads) with similar issues, you are not the only one.

Give your child choices though about what they wear. Having been the 'hippy' family at school, and having my clothes laughed at, wasn't much fun. So, if your child starts to want to wear jeans and a t-shirt or more conventional stuff, don't stress it either. One of the nice things about school uniforms, you all look the same.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread