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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to be the "wacky but really nice" one?

50 replies

SenseofEntitlement · 05/12/2011 00:26

Gah. I feel so mean.

DD1 has just started reception. Most of the other kids went to the nursery, and the parents (esp the pta) tend to know each other out of school through church or through living in the area forever (I moved here a couple of years ago)

Anyhow, the night after the school christmas fair, which I helped with, me and DH were in the local pub, where one of the dads came up to say hi. He was really friendly and nice, but was very drunk.

Anyhow, he said that I must be the "wacky but really nice" mum from school.

I know it was meant as a compliment, but I felt like I was back at school myself, being judged for having funny shoes.

I suppose I dress slightly out of the ordinary, but I don't think all that much - flat clarks shoes, coloured tights, full skirts, t shirts and big headphones being my usual kind of outfit. I'm rubbish at talking to people, so just tend to smile nervously and sometimes come out with cringy stuff by accident, but nothing huge.

I just don't want the other kids to notice that DDs mum is odd. I am odd, and it affects DDs life enough without me bringing it to school.

IABU, aren't I?

How can I blend in more?

OP posts:

HardCheese · 05/12/2011 10:04

'Wacky' is his (drunken) choice of words, not yours, and says nothing at all about how you should view yourself. Sober, he may be some grey little man whose idea of standing out from the crowd is a cartoon tie worn to the office party. You sound nice, and not at all of the tiresome 'I'm mad, me' or 'I'm known for my bubbly personality' brigade.

Nermalkins · 05/12/2011 10:07

I think this might me be me in a few years :o bugger it and who cares! The world needs lovely people like you to make the world a lovely place. (also so people like me will have someone to speak to at the school gates)

BurntToffee · 05/12/2011 10:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LovesBloominChristmas · 05/12/2011 10:20

Why all the focus on the bit you are taking as a negative ?

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 05/12/2011 10:32

You sound brilliant, I would love to know you! The world needs more people like you.

VikingLady · 05/12/2011 10:50

The "nice" part is the important bit. It would have been easy for him to have just said "wacky", so they must like you! That is a good thing. Concentrate on that part.

From the kids' point of view: we had a girl at school whose parents lived on a boat and were hippies (in the 80s). Everyone thought they were really cool, and wanted to be friends with her. It won't make life harder for them, honest. Besides, as BurntToffee says, it's good for the kids to see that you don't have to fit in!

redlac · 05/12/2011 10:54

You sound lovely and I wouldn't call you wacky at all. I could be doing with you in our playground!

My DD is 5 and can often be found wearing all black, big clumpy boots, dancing to the Cure and watching Tim Burton films but she can also be wearing the most unco-ordinated outfits ever!

You should always be true to yourself and it sounds as if you are so don't change just to fit in!

aldiwhore · 05/12/2011 10:58

Ebrace it senseofentitlement and focus on the 'lovely' bit. Some people think I'm 'whacky' for wearing converse for goodness sake!! I don't care. I'd rather been seen as 'way out' (even though I'm not, unless Asda sell way out clothes) than insipid, boring and the same as everyone else.

Be proud. Don't change. You won't feel better if you do.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/12/2011 11:01

It's great you are teaching your DC to develop their own taste and not conform to the crowd. It makes a nice change!

TroublesomeEx · 05/12/2011 11:03

Absolutely Xmasbaby11.

CrunchyFrog · 05/12/2011 11:06

Wearing normal clothes doesn't work. Even normal clothes look odd on me. Because of being odd, see.

I know what you are saying - I had a couple of years of longing to fit in with the school mummies. Very nostalgic, reminded me of the years I wasted longing to fit in at school. Found my niche now, and it's honestly no reflection on the kids.

annoyingdevil · 05/12/2011 11:24

oooh, I love being the 'wacky' one, and I love watching the 'ugg, leggings and Northface' brigade trying to out do one another.

springydaffs · 05/12/2011 11:25

I know what you mean though - I've regularly been called similar things, all relatively friendly - but it's the being categorised that I don't like. Why do they have to put me in a box with a label on? It's a kind of 'you're weird but apparently you're ok - phew' comment. I wouldn't say to someone's DH 'ah you're the dull but kind golfer' (which of course would be vicious so I wouldn't say it anyway LOL). I think some people assume, if you're a bit of an unusual dresser, that it must be for others' benefit, to get a reaction, when it isn't at all. You're just being who you are, a creative sort probably.

My friend's neice has that luminous pink hair and tattoos and is a high-up science bod who works with surgeons at top hospitals. She has to quash comments like this in order to protect her professional reputation. People can be so unimaginative sometimes. Bless em

grovel · 05/12/2011 11:53

I tend to like wacky people. I tend to be irritated by people who work at being wacky.

Tricky, innit?

Greythorne · 05/12/2011 12:14

Be true to yourself.
You sound lovely and somewhat eccentric, You do stand out from the crowd.
Even if you can't embrace your eccentricity and play it up (you do sound insecure about it), trying to play it down is unlikely to work. Wearing "normal" clothes for the school run will not mean your personality suddenly changes and you become conventional and blend with the other mums.

You are unique. You won't be able to "please" other people by trying to blend. So don't try to.

This drunk bloke sounds harmless and he probably meant it as a compliment, even though I do see your point.

For what it's worth, I am perceived as eccentric by some people. My auntie once said to me, "I don't understand why everyone thinks you're so weird, Greythorne, I really like you." now I live abroad and so I play on the "foreigner" bit. I am very clearly not like the other mums here (chic, conservative, religious, WOHM, aloof parenting style) but I hope people put it partly down to my being English and not a totally unhinged person.

You sound like you need a confidence boost hut not a make-over.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 05/12/2011 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yellowraincoat · 05/12/2011 13:28

That's sad PomBear. I think the guy, though, is to instil kids with the confidence to be different. There were kids at my school who were weird and bullied for it, and kids who were weird and seen as deeply cool. The difference was confidence, I think.

Anyway, now all the weird kids are the ones with uni degrees and/or cool jobs. I was deeply odd at school, quite glad of it now, even though school was horrendous for me.

MajorBumsore · 05/12/2011 14:14

Is this you?
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=colin+fast+show&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&rlz=1R2SNYK_en-GBGB401&biw=1280&bih=630&tbm=isch&tbnid=1Ph8c4llD1YvuM:&imgrefurl=www.personneltoday.com/articles/2007/01/09/38768/laughing-all-the-way-to-the-bank.html&docid=GpcrierA-FgihM&imgurl=www.personneltoday.com/assets/getAsset.aspx%253FItemID%253D4005&w=221&h=170&ei=INHcToXqA4y7hAftpYS7Dg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=733&vpy=175&dur=1292&hovh=136&hovw=176&tx=93&ty=106&sig=110266326430403574499&page=1&tbnh=132&tbnw=172&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">you?
No? Then don't worry about it

Firawla · 05/12/2011 14:15

he said wacky but nice, i would just focus on the "nice" part - obviously people do like you and accept you for your "wackiness" and dont have a problem with being different so that is fine, why change yourself just to blend in

jjuice · 05/12/2011 14:58

I think you should just be who you are. Life would be boring if were all the same.

My DDs friends apparently describe me as "mad" although in a nice way and when I see them they run up screaming my name with their arms open wide for a hug...I wonder if they would do the same if I was more conventional and "normal" (whatever that is) and what a shame it would be if they didn't!

lesley33 · 05/12/2011 15:07

You sound like a uni friend of mine. I assumed she chose to dress unusually until I gradually realised that she did think she dressed normally. Her individual clothes e.g. blouse or jeans was perfectly normal, it was just how it was all put together that made it look a bit different.

But I wouldn't worry about it. In lots of school circles you don't actually have to be very different at all to be seen as eccentric or unusual.

WilsonFrickett · 05/12/2011 15:10

Look, your DD is at school, so presumably she's at the age where she's seeing what other children wear. And if she's not asking to change her clothes, then she's obviously completely happy with them. The only thing I would maybe do is point out the odd 'conventional' choice when you're out and about with her, just to check she isn't really secretly craving pink and glitter [yucky emoticon] and of course if she does ever talk about wanting to change her look I think you need to be supportive of that.

But other than that? You all sound lovely and happy, so why even think about changing?

Fecklessdizzy · 05/12/2011 15:14

I'd concentrate on the " really nice " part of the comment ... DP and I are definitely regarded as odd but harmless by the rest of the village and I can't be arsed to fret about it any more ( if they think we're weird now they should have seen us 20 years ago! )

Pendeen · 05/12/2011 15:53

You refer to yourself as " odd ."

The drunk dad interpreted that as " wacky ".

Then he added, "... but nice ..."

Don't know your environment (city, suburban or village), but I would just accept the comment as a compliment if I were you.

FWIW, you would be surprised just how many outwardly 'normal' people are anything but!

Oggy · 05/12/2011 16:23

Your clothes don't sounds particularly odd or whacky to me, but you clearly feel you are a bit odd so perhaps you are latching on to something and giving it far more meaning than intended because of your own feelings of being different.

I wouldn't pay it much mind or change anything personally.

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