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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should think before giving advice on here that is potentially illegal and/or damaging?

60 replies

wannaBe · 04/12/2011 12:28

I'm sure people mean well. but...

e.g. I have just read on a thread someone telling an op to change the locks to prevent her ex from getting back into the family home. In fact this is a fairly common response on threads. Now while I'm sure wanting to change the locks is the understandable thing to do, it is, in fact, illegal. And I'm sure that if an op was posting that her ex had changed the locks the same posters would be telling her that for him to do so is illegal and to get a solicitor asap to force him to allow her access.

Or threads telling an op to withhold contact because of something the ex has said to the dc...

Or threads advising someone re health matters i.e. to ignore dr advice to not bf because of certain medications...

And so it goes..

Given that people are quick to point out that mn is some peoples' only source of support, people should surely think before giving advice which could potentially make someone's life more difficult in the long-term?

Of course the majority response is to often advise someone seek professional advice, but if someone is desperate, there's a chance they may take the advice which is based on emotional response rather than factual knowledge... which could be to their detriment...

I just think people should think first before wading in with advice that has no factual basis. After all it's still possible to offer support without giving potentially illegal advice..

OP posts:

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 12:31

I agree. I am all for hearing alternative points of view, however support is not always telling the person what they want to hear...I.e. he's an arse, change the locks etc. Sometimes it is giving good advice even if it isn't just what the OP wants to hear.

FaverollesWithBoughsOfHolly · 04/12/2011 12:33

I mostly agree, but re. BFing whilst taking certain drugs - drs generally know bugger all about BFing, and tend to err massively on the side of caution and recommend stopping BFing whilst the patient is on certain drugs, when actually, there are websites which have been compiled by Very Knowledgable People who know which drugs are safe or not.

FestiveFriedaWassailsAgain · 04/12/2011 12:33

YABU it is only like chatting to friends over a coffee - asking advice, talking through possible options.

You don't demand that your friend proves they are a doctor to express an opinion if you are not sure whether little Johnny needs the GP, they can still give you advice. Up to you whether you take that advice or not.

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 12:34

I agree

But having said that, no-one should be taking the advice of strangers on a random internet forum without checking out legalities anyway.

So perhaps a thread like this will make people think twice, if they are the kind of person to act on that sort of advice.

Catslikehats · 04/12/2011 12:34

I hear what you are saying. As a lawyer I often feel like smacking my head on the keyboard in relation to some of the advice given out in relation to legal-esque matters.

However in fairness most people who give incorrect advice do so in good faith and are pulled up on the inaccuracies of the same PDQ.

And FWIW as a lawyer, if I was ever in the position of having a cheating husband who I wanted out of our house, you're damn right I'd change the locks.

Acandlelitshadow · 04/12/2011 12:35

Meh.

It's the net.

Buyer beware.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 04/12/2011 12:37

Funnily enough, people just as well-informed as you tend to pop uo on those threads to correct misconceptions, so it's usually ok.

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 04/12/2011 12:38

Totally agree. I never advise anything (for real anyway) unless I'm sure it's right. I'd never give legal advice for example! It shocks what people tell others to do on here, but not as much as another forum I used to be on (No, not NetHuns) where I frequently saw one poster advise exhausted new mums to knock out their tiny babies with Medised so they could get a decent nights sleep. I was literally

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 04/12/2011 12:38

It's only unreasonable if someone were to post eg 'I'm a solicitor/police officer/doctor - you should do this.'

All advice on here comes with the caveat that you should confirm it with professionals. The point with BF is that people may get advice from GPs or midwives, who aren't experts in that particular area, saying not to BF, when the official advice is that it's ok. A second opinion is worthwhile - people often don't question what they're told by medical professionals.

Catslikehats · 04/12/2011 12:39

And actually thinking about BF I was advised by my Dr not to take thrush medication whilst BFing but the BF association actually produce a leaflet stating that the medication is ok to be taken whilst BFing and actively advise that you print it out and take to your GP's so I'm not actually convinced that Drs know much about BFing.

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 12:40

I agree on the BF point, there is so much misinformation from health professionals it is shocking.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 04/12/2011 12:41

Surely people are only offering opinion and not pretending to be experts? I would have expected that people realise that it's only opinion and that they have to make their own decisions after getting proper (legal/medical/whatever) advice because all they're getting on here is tea and sympathy, basically.

Figgydragon · 04/12/2011 12:42

QOD

I occasionally help on the money threads as ghT is where my field of expertise is.

I had another poster come on and give a load of waffle saying I was incorrect and linked them to a debt management website with extorniate fees. This would've crippled the op. But they posted I'm a lawyer this is what you should do....

Like you I despair quietly, but I hope in posting the correct advice it will reach a person who needs it. Tbh it's all you can do.

Anyone can post anything on the net.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 04/12/2011 12:43

(do ignore arsey tone, hangover)

greenbananas · 04/12/2011 12:44

I agree...

BUT I would also like to point out that I have received a lot of very helpful and knowledgable advice from the lovely ladies on the allergy board. Okay, so there's the odd crackpot who says things like "have you tried kinesiology" (a very dangerous method of treating allergies!), but mostly the mums on the allergy forum give really good information - much, much better than I got from doctors and HVs when DS was a very sick baby. I am not exaggerating when I say that the mumsnet allergy board may well have saved DS's life.

Also agree with the point about medication while breastfeeding - advice from doctors should not be completely ignored, but breastfeeding mums can call the Drugs in Breastmilk Helpline (0844 412 4665) for more accurate information than most GPs will be able to give them.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 04/12/2011 12:45

If anyone does that on here Figgy I'd point out to them that if they're giving advice as a professional their insurance company would probably like to know. In that case it sounds like someone promoting a business so you can always report it to MNHQ.

callmemrs · 04/12/2011 12:46

I agree- I've just commented on another thread on here - the one about a little boy falling off a roundabout because a woman whizzed it round too fast and then laughed as the little boy lay hurt. Some posters said they recommended hitting the woman. I guess maybe they aren't very bright themselves, and think that hitting another adult 'proves they care more about their child innit??'' but ignorance is no excuse really- its shit advice. Having said that , you'd have to be pretty thick to act on random advice on the internet

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 04/12/2011 12:46

The person saying they were a lawyer, not you.

SoupDragon · 04/12/2011 12:47

"YABU it is only like chatting to friends over a coffee"

I disagree with this - you know your friends and you know where their knowledge/opinions come from. Advice from MN comes across more as fact in many cases.

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 04/12/2011 12:52

People On The Internet Talk Shite Shocker

pigletmania · 04/12/2011 12:52

Even with the bf whilst on medication, even if posters say its ok to bf whilst on certain meds and the Dr has advised against it, you should still refer back to the Dr as they know you and are medically trained.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 12:54

Anyone who doesn't take MN or any or forum for that matter with a massive bucket pinch of salt is a wally!

pigletmania · 04/12/2011 12:54

In cases of abuse and DV yes one would advise the poster not to let the partner into the home, or contact with kids, but they should also seek professional advice too.

ToldYaSo · 04/12/2011 12:54

leave the bastard

dont worry about how the kids feel, if the situation might be repaired, how much you are both to blame......

leave the bastard i say!!!!

eurochick · 04/12/2011 13:01

I completely agree. Whenever I dispense advice on here I tend to couch it in terms that emphasis I am not an expert, e.g. "I am not a lawyer but research I have done myself indicates ...."

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