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Original poster

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES WILL FUCKING DH BE COMPLETELY FUCKING UNREASONABLE?

51 replies

CarolCervix · 04/12/2011 10:33

DD has aspergers. she is fine if things are just so ad don't deviate from her 'norm'..

on saturdays she has pizza.

she saves half of her pizza to eat for breakfast on sunday morning.

This is the law of DD.

How many fucking sodding bastard times is DH going to eat the fucking pizza? even just one piece? This means DD goes off on one, ranting and squawking and will now be in a mood for the rest of the fucking day.

Yes, DD should learn that a piece of pizza isn't the end of the world but FUCKING HELL!!!!!

HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES???????????????????????????????????

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 04/12/2011 12:17

I thought you were leaving this man?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/12/2011 12:44

Ds1 managed to lose a whole pizza on friday. It was in the oven, but had gone right to the back of the shelf, and he was doing 'man-looking', so couldn't see it.

Ds2 was out of the frame for the crime because he was doing his evening paper round. Ds3 swore blind he hadn't nicked it. Dh and I were eating later. Which left only the dog - and we did wonder whether she could have learned how to open the oven and steal the pizza. Dh went as far as sniffing her breath for Evidence. And only then did he decide to check the oven, when he found the pizza, gently cremating at the back of the shelf - he claims this shows superior intelligence on his part - I say that all the people who failed to check the oven first, before interrogating children and/or dogs, were numpties.

ToldYaSo · 04/12/2011 12:56

maybe it would be kinder for her to learn to accept that sometimes things dont always go exactly the way you want them to, however much you want them to

CardyMow · 04/12/2011 13:31

ToldYaSo - Good luck trying to get someone with Aspergers or asd to learn to accept that. Because considering that that is a big part of being on the Autistic Spectrum, being unable to accept change, and that 'sometimes things don't always go exactly the way you want them to', you saying that is like saying that with a bit more teaching, DC with asd's would no longer HAVE those asd's.

Have you ever spent time with a child who has Aspergers or Autism? I have, every day for over 13 years, and I can tell you, that they cannot see things from another perspective like that.

I still want to know who munched your DD's pizza, OP - you have me baffled now.

CupOfGoodCheer · 04/12/2011 13:39

OP do you have a dog? Confused

JosieZ · 04/12/2011 13:58

When my DH infuriates me over something I imagine taking a pair of scissors and drawing the tips forcfully over the bonnet of his John Cooper S mini in a wide zigzag.

CarolC, is there a similar thing you can threaten your OH with?

But you do have to mean it.

JosieZ · 04/12/2011 14:30

Oops . I see he is not the culprit.

Anyhow, just imagining having your revenge in some way that will equally infuriate your DH makes you feel better.

rhondajean · 04/12/2011 14:33

HAHAHA @ the mystery of the missing pizza, later found safely still in the oven - I can imagine that happening with my DDs.

OP - erm - any UFO sightings near your home lately?

(and i take it you HAVE checked the oven?)

MudAndGlitter · 04/12/2011 14:36

He's done it again?! Cock.

MudAndGlitter · 04/12/2011 14:36

Oops the one time I don't read the whole thread!
I retract the cock statement

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 14:41

This is a genuine question because this thread has made me curious

How do you teach a child with aspergers that not everything in life is routine and they can't always have things their own way?

Is it a gradual process but less gradual than teaching a child without aspergers?

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 14:42

Sorry I meant 'more' gradual than teaching a child without.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 04/12/2011 14:44

I still to this day feel hatred towrds my sis who ruined a perfectly nice day out by waving her ice cream under dds nose and saying 'ha ha, mines bigger than yours

Which resulted in 2 hours of meltdown from 12 yr old dd, which as usual I ha to sort out.

Which was of course all dds fault because she's a spoilt brat......absolutely nothing to do with having the reasoning of a toddler.

Fuckers, if I had my way i'd live on an island with the kids and not see any bugger >

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 04/12/2011 14:50

Worra, how about instead teaching people not to take things which aren't there's and be kind ?

Dd and ds do have consequences for their reactions at times, and they are learning to control their reactions to an extent, but I still get fucked off when something happens because of someone else thoughtlessness.

I can and have taught my two that shit happens, someone taking something of theirs would leave them ( and me ) entirely fucked off.

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 14:53

Worra, how about instead teaching people not to take things which aren't there's and be kind ?

Yes, I'm sure that would also be good (I would assume anyone would teach this) however, that's not what I was asking.

I'm interested to know at what point a child with aspergers is no longer 'encouraged' (if that's the right word?) to keep to the same routines.

Though I expect the answer will be that it depends on the child and the severity of their condition perhaps.

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 04/12/2011 14:53

And fwiw I think the op has a mouse living in her oven. And/ or her fridge ;)

Triggles · 04/12/2011 15:07

Worra, I imagine that's actually a good question - our DS2 have real difficulty with some changes, and not with others. Mainly because we try to keep certain aspects of the day different here and there, so that he is not completely mired down in routine - otherwise he would have everything the same every day. I do think a lot depends on the particular child and the severity of the condition, as you said. Also it probably depends on what that particular change is, as well.

DS2 LIKES the Christmas stuff - is happy for his routine to include the Christmas stuff, even though it throws everything into some chaos, however, we pay for it in the end as he is still very unsettled when his routine is upset, just in general, if that makes sense. This is most likely because his routine has certain set-points built in, so that he can maintain a balance throughout the day - just to give him time to refocus in case something disrupts him. When those set-points get changed, then he really can't cope with that. (yeah, that probably didn't help much, but it's hard to explain sometimes)

He would get upset if someone ate something he was saving to eat later (although not pizza as he won't eat that Grin), and he would have difficulty getting past not only the loss of the food item, but the idea that someone else took it (because he is being taught that you don't take something that is not yours, so to him this is wrong - it still doesn't really compute with him that someone else may purposely break the rules and it will affect him).

WorraLiberty · 04/12/2011 15:12

That's interesting Triggles, especially the part about refocusing.

I wonder if it's more difficult if the child has siblings who don't understand about helping them keep to their routine?

I imagine that's another nightmare in itself!

KittyFane · 04/12/2011 15:16

So? Where did the pizza go OP?! Have I missed a bit?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 04/12/2011 15:33

All of what Triggles said.

DS copes fine with every day stuff, it seems to be big changes that set him off.

For example ds coped really well at a party recently........then started smashing himself in the face when he came home. We couldn't leave the house for 2 days. After 3 days of being 'twitchy' he had a huge meltdown.

But even that's an improvement, he used to have big meltdowns daily, age 7 it would take 3 adults to restrain him and take him to his safe place. He's 10 now and the last time he 'crashed' was at the end of August when we made the mistake of taking him bowling, we thought he was 'coping' without his ear defenders......that ballsup ended with dp being battered on the floor by his son whilst a load of kids filmed it on their mobiles. HAve looked on youtube, it hasn't popped up yet. Blush

Huge cock up on our part but you live and learn.

Taken a lot of hard work on our part, ( and his ) his biggest issues are sensory, he can't cope with certain noises etc so sadly it means we miss out on a lot but it's doable. And my arms are no longer covered in bite marks and bruises. Which is good.

Triggles · 04/12/2011 15:33

Worra - it is. We have a 2yo that seems to thrive on throwing everything off balance for DS2. Grin It can be hectic sometimes.

Original poster
CarolCervix · 04/12/2011 22:25

i still don't know where the bloody pizza went.

the most likely explaination is maybe the dog ate a bit before it went in the fridge.

OP posts:
Maryz · 04/12/2011 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dancingmustard · 05/12/2011 04:32

My son has got aspergers and he's been treated with utter normality.
Worra touches on this a little.
When we that are" long in the tooth" were little we didn't own anything in the fridge and we certainly didn't get to decide what and what wasn't law.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 05/12/2011 07:41

Worra - it depends on the child. Some can be taught flexibility and some will never ever be able to cope.

My two have autism and we are very much of the 'tough luck' school of parenting Grin this is the world they live in and if we want them to be a part of it, we have to help them to cope in it - and it is unpredictable!

An example. There were two paths to the local shops. My eldest, when a toddler, insisted on going down one and not the other. If we went down the other, he would throw himself to the floor and scream and scream.

Now, it would have been easier - easier on me and easier on him! - to say ok, well, he's autistic and he needs to go down this path rather than the other one. It's only a path, it doesn't matter...

But he'd have become trapped by that. And while easier in the short term, it would have been the worst thing in the world for him.

So I varied it. And I let him throw himself to the floor, and I slung him over my shoulder and carried on walking.

There are many examples like that. And it was hard. But now - he copes amazingly with change! But I don't fool myself that that would work for every child with autism. I know some who would be distressed to the point of self harm by such kind of approach.