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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To blame MIL for this?

28 replies

Gentleness · 02/12/2011 21:29

I do genuinely think I might be being overtired and hormonal but after nearly a month of night terrors I am ready to hit out at whatever I can find excuse to!

About 1-2 months ago, MIL came for a regular visit and brought her usual bag of books with her which ds1 loves and they read them all repeatedly. Now I love MIL to bits but when I overheard this particular book I could have strangled her. It was all about monsters under the bed and obviously ends up saying that it's not a problem (can't remember if the monsters were friendly or not there or what, but you get the idea). But ds1 at only just 2 had never, ever, ever heard or worried about or been afraid of monsters under his wretched bed until then. He'd only ever woken with teething, cold, hunger etc in all his short life. We've not been precious about books with lions or sharks in or whatever, but it had been nothing like Monsters Under the Bed.

Since then he has had night terrors. He wakes sobbing and can't stop. I know sometimes he's woken for cold or illness but then he thinks about these monsters crawling about under his bed. That is of course as far as we can work out. Usually he is incoherent and just the odd word makes it through.

Am I being all PFB about this? Is it normal for children to just start imagining monsters with no reason at this age? Can I reasonably phone MIL every night around 2-3am and then around 5am when ds1 is inconsolable for 30 minutes and make her listen and grovel?

The fact that ds2 (6mo) is waking 2-4 times a night for bf and they alternate to ensure I get no more than 2 hrs a night is probably causing me to react more bitterly than I should too...

OP posts:
roundcornsilkvirgin · 02/12/2011 21:32

my 2 both had night terrors - it's normal

MosEisley · 02/12/2011 21:36

YAB a bit U to blame MIL. But have a bucket of sympathy, because DS2 talks in his sleep and wakes after scary dreams, and it is a PITA. It felt much worse when we had a little baby waking us as well. It will get better as he gets older and you can reassure him / get him back to sleep faster. Until then, hold on...

MissPentChristmasBudget · 02/12/2011 21:36

Hmm, tricky one. Your MIL wasn't intentionally trying to upset your DS or give him nightmares, so at worst she was just a bit thoughtless with her choice of book. I'd say the most you could reasonably say to her is "DS has been afraid of monsters under his bed since you read him that book. I'd rather he didn't read it again." She might be apologetic about it. But it's not going to solve the problem, he can't unread the book unfortunately. Might make you feel a bit vindicated though.

I'm sure lots of children go through a similar phase, maybe some other posters with DCs of a similar age will have strategies to help.

WhereMyMilk · 02/12/2011 21:37

Yep, it's normal, especially for boys at that age. My two have both done it. DD did not thank god.
The book wouldn't have done it.
I do feel for you though. My guys like to tag team the sleep deprivation programme too :o

SanTEEClaus · 02/12/2011 21:38

Make some Monster Be Gone. Fill a spray bottle with water and maybe some scent. Spray it around his room before he goes to bed. Tell him there can't be monsters now as Monster Be Gone never fails.

Might take a night or two but it will help.

You can also make him a Monster Be Gone Shaker with a pringle can filled with beans. He can help decorate it and shake it before bed and if he wakes in the night and gets scared.

And, yes, I would totally blame MIL.

Jux · 02/12/2011 21:38

Dd the same. She had no monster books at that point.

My little bro had nightmares from Dr Who (he was older, but this might work anyway). Mum bought a dress up policeman's helmet and hung it on his bedpost, with a big sign saying "no monsters allowed, by order Chf Insp Barlow". Your ds won't be able to read the sign of course, but if you tell him what it says?

(Chf Insp Barlow was a character in a TV thing we were sometimes allowed to watch, and my bro really liked him. Many, many years ago.)

usualsuspect · 02/12/2011 21:39

Yes you must blame your MIL for everything ,its the MN law

Catsdontcare · 02/12/2011 21:39

I don't think will be down to the books. Both mine started night terrors at this age. Ds1 would have a full blown tantrum without waking up! I think at two the concept of monsters is bit beyond them. I remember the ds's being happy to watch scooby doo at that age but being frightened of it when they four.

AgentZigzag · 02/12/2011 21:40

I don't think it's your MILs fault either, DC get worried about all sorts of mundane stuff.

Could he be stressing about anything else?

Catsdontcare · 02/12/2011 21:42

My Mil is an arse piece so feel quite proud that I have given impartial advice on a mil thread - look at me all grown up

Arion · 02/12/2011 21:42

My DD started waking up terrified of "little boys" in her room and her mouth! Have no idea where it came from then or now!

SmethwickBelle · 02/12/2011 21:43

If it is "night terrors" which are a very specific sleep thing, bit like sleep walking - when they are rigid and petrified but still sort of asleep then it is not likely to be related.

If he's scared sh*tless because of the stories then definitely ask your MIL to ditch these stories. Small people can be easily freaked out. DS2 is petrified of Mr Potato Head, you wouldn't believe the night wakings and freak outs we get even with no actual Mr Potato Heads around (he's 2) Confused

That said at the preschool age it is normal to fixate on certain things as scary so maybe there is an inevitability to it.

Maybe a nightlight and "monster go away spray" (squirty bottle of water you liberally spray around at bedtime) to remedy the damage. And perhaps you could invent a story about the monsters being lonely or friendly or something. Lots of cuddles and hope the phase passes.

YANBU though.

Skillbo · 02/12/2011 21:44

DD who is 2.6 has been having nightmares since she hit about 2 so I think it's pretty normal as don't think DD was exposed to anything specific.. last night she had one about being lost in a toy museum which is a lovely story she's been reading which isn't even remotely scary but she kept crying out the museum was too big and she couldn't find anyone Sad... she isn't inconsolable but when she starts, she goes through cycles of waking throughout the night - last night went through 3 times and she came visiting once as well.. exhausting, so you have my sympathy!

I have spoken to lots of people about it as it did really worry me but it's not that odd and is something they grow out of apparently - I hope.. DS is due in about two weeks so I hope it doesn't go on too much longer.. it's always worse when they've been great sleepers before, DD has always been soooo good!

Beamur · 02/12/2011 21:48

Even without the book, at this age she would probably have found something to be scared of. Develop some tactics! I like the idea of 'monster be gone' - I managed to convince DD that monsters were scared of Mummies and therefore she was perfectly safe as I would scare them aware for her. We also had sentry toys that would sort out any nonsense and DD herself was quite good at demanding all monsters go away now.

Beamur · 02/12/2011 21:49

She also managed to develop a tactic herself of saying that they were not bad monsters, they were friendly monsters.

Original poster
Gentleness · 02/12/2011 23:51

Thanks all. I suspected I was getting it out of proportion. Definitely going to try the strategies mentioned - I am SO looking forward to this stage being over...

Skillbo - so right about it being worse when they've always been good sleepers! I am feeling a little aggrieved that my easy boy turned into a month of 2 hours sleep a night. Who said we have to be rational anyway? Speaking of which, why am I not in bed now...

Sympathy to all the rest of you going through this.

OP posts:
PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 03/12/2011 00:13

Leave the Bitch Xmas Grin

Crabapple99 · 03/12/2011 08:10

It isn't pleasent or easy for you, but won't in any way be related to the book

Crabapple99 · 03/12/2011 08:11

Actually very unlikely that he is distressed, or remembers it at all, night terrors are not nightmares, they are worse for the peoplewho see them than the peoplewho have them. ( if you mean night terrors)

cwtch4967 · 03/12/2011 08:23

Is he having nightmares / bad dreams or night terrors - they are very different. DS started having night terrors when he was 1. He would first wake about two hours into his sleep and would be screaming, eyes open but would not recognise me and push me away. It could take hours to calm him and often he had more than one a night.

Finallygotaroundtoit · 03/12/2011 08:28

Not sure about monster spray or doing anything that suggests to your child that monsters do exist Hmm ?

I would just repeat that it was a dream, dreams aren't real and monsters do not exist

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 03/12/2011 08:32

DS1 went through this at the same age and we didn't have books about monsters, i think it is just a coincidence.

By all means ask MIL to hold off with the monster book until he is a bit older though.

Beamur · 03/12/2011 18:21

Providing this wasn't the book that upset your son - my DD loved this
www.amazon.co.uk/Monster-Mini-Treasure-Jeanne-Willis/dp/0099263459
The monsters are scared of people.
I agree that you also need to tell your son that monsters are NOT REAL. If he can be convinced of this, then 'monsters' get de-monsterified and can be fun and harmless. But then the tactics of monster spray etc are useful in bolstering that confidence that they are safe and secure.

QuintessentialyFestive · 03/12/2011 18:23

Has he had the flu vaccine recently?

HalfTermHero · 03/12/2011 18:54

Fucking Mil. I reckon you should leave your dh for having such a bitch as a mother.

Grin