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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DS that he can't go to this birthday party?

68 replies

IWannaBeTheMinority · 02/12/2011 08:17

Ages ago DS (12) was invited to a birthday party. The party is tonight at a rugby club. DS plays no sports, has no interest in rugby and as far as I know doesn't get on with most of the lads going.

For ages he said he didn't want to go and now all of a sudden he does. I've had another proper look at it and the venue is at the other end of the city (it will take ages to get there) and doesn't finish until 10pm. That means we won't get home until gone 11pm. It starts at 7pm.

Apart from anything else, it will take up a hell of a lot of petrol that I can't afford to replace and it means I'm going to have to faff about buying a last minute birthday present - bearing in mind I'm at work today so god know when I'll find the time to do that.

AIBU to tell him he just can't go? if we didn't have a car there's no way he could get there anyway.

OP posts:
upahill · 02/12/2011 14:15

I think moaning would knock the shine off going tbh.
Either do something with a good heart or not at all
(although it has to be said that is something I am still trying to aspire to as I can be the queen of moaners!! but not on this occasion I wouldn't)

mumofthreekids · 02/12/2011 14:20

Personally I would take him as I'd feel sad to think of him missing out socially.

upahill · 02/12/2011 14:29

I used a double negative so I didn't make sense on my last post.

I was saying I wouldn't moan at him.

At the moment I am feeling very sensitve and extra loving to my 12 year old and he could ask me to get the moon from the sky for him and I would do my best.

If anyone has read the Lancashire Evening Telegraph over the last few they would know why.
Go the extra mile for your kids while you can, give them good memories.
Tonight OP you may miss a take out but your son may have a good night and a few laughs with his new mates. Have a takeaway tomorrow night with your DS's.

Bartimaeus · 02/12/2011 14:54

Agree with a fiver in a card. My mum found it hilarious that as teenagers my DB and his mates all gave each other a fiver for each other's birthday. They were a group of 8 so basically just passed the same notes around each other all year! Grin

HeadfirstForHalos · 02/12/2011 14:55

Yeah, maybe it would be best to keep the moaning and muttering in your head Xmas Grin

cat64 · 02/12/2011 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bellavita · 02/12/2011 15:16

You don't need to get a present... £5 in a card will do.

Do the takeaway tomorrow.

Get0rf · 02/12/2011 15:19

I agree re a fiver in a card for teens.

Can he get the bus to the rugby club (if it is on the bus route), and then you pick him up later, so only 2 trips. Obviously he would need to used to getting buses.

i would let him go.

IloveJudgeJudy · 02/12/2011 15:35

I would definitely take him. It will be a big social occasion and he will miss out if he doesn't go. Can you arrange a shared lift with someone else? Get him to ring around his friends and do the asking. That's the least he can do for wanting to go at short notice. I would do my absolute best to get him there. These things take on a lot longer life than just the night of the party. People talk about them for ages and, as someone said above, pictures will be on facebook, etc.

What I'm saying is, he will miss out on more than just the party if you don't let him go.

(Mother to 3 teenagers, 13,15 and 17).

diddl · 02/12/2011 15:45

Well as others have said, surely he has already declined by now, so can´t go?

CuriousMama · 02/12/2011 15:50

I'd either try to find someone close who'd help with transport or take him and take younger dc somewhere to eat close to venue. Or come home and have a cheaper chinese with other dc.

I think it's important for dcs to mix with as many of their peers as possible.

Jinsel · 02/12/2011 16:03

diddl parties at this age are not so formal. I'm sure he could turn up. We had a party like this for my DS at the same age and ended up with ten more than he'd asked. It's all fine.

Goldenbear · 02/12/2011 16:07

Pom, you sound like a barrel of laughs!

I think you should try your best to facilitate this OP. As far as I remember the socially excluded always had unwilling parents! To some extent I think it is your duty to help at this age.

didldidi · 02/12/2011 16:09

I think for me it would depend on why he had suddenly changed his mind - it would have to be a good enough reason to warrant the travel involved, especially if the petrol was a problem. Add in the fiver in the card (which would have to be bought) and it works out quite expensive considering he's been adamant up until now he didn't want to go.

pranma · 02/12/2011 16:31

I'd take him and maybe take the younger one to a cinema while you wait for him.Its a big deal at that age.

PattySimcox · 02/12/2011 16:47

Compromise maybe? Tell him he pays for the fiver in the card, and you will pay the petrol...but... in future he makes his decision and sticks to it.

As mother of a teen I agree that their social lives are so so important amongs their peer group

PattySimcox · 02/12/2011 16:49

Maybe quick ring round amongst his friends see if you can lift share with someone? Assuming that you live local to your school, then presumably he will have mates locally also going?

upahill · 02/12/2011 17:35

Have you decided if he is going yet?

Original poster
IWannaBeTheMinority · 03/12/2011 09:47

Update!

Well throughout the day DS text me from school with various suggestions on how he could get there (taxi, 2 busses, walk(!) ) so it became obvious he really did want to go. I text him back saying "if you really want to go, I'll take you." He called me on the way home from school and said "I love you" in front of his friends - that's when you know they mean it Wink

So anyway, I sent him to shop for a card when he got in, salvaged an upwrapped christmas present and wrapped it in birthday paper, ordered the takeaway (he won't eat party food as he's a little germophobic!) rushed around like a blue arse fly, eventually got him there and then took DS2 to Mcdonalds for a milkshake Grin

I'm SO glad I listened to you all. DS finds it very hard to socialise and has few friends. When the lads saw him they shouted his name, squashed him in a bear hug, jumped up and down shouting and being all blokey - it was lovely!

When I went to pick him up I hid in the car part to see DS swaggering around with a big group of lads chatting up two girls Grin when he eventually saw me, he told everyone he had to go, one girl rushed over to him and hugged him, then the lads dived on him and "man-hugged" him - he got in the car full of excitement.

The best £10 petrol I've ever spent Smile

Thanks for the advice everyone.

OP posts:
rumcrumble · 03/12/2011 09:59

Oh I do love a happy ending!

diddl · 03/12/2011 10:56

"diddl parties at this age are not so formal. I'm sure he could turn up"

Well, maybe for you, perhaps!

OP-glad it all worked out OK for you.

FabbyChic · 03/12/2011 10:59

Aaaaaw fantastic. Sounds like he really had a good time, glad you took him.

junkcollector · 03/12/2011 11:37

That made me cry a bit. What a nice mum you are.

shinyrobot · 03/12/2011 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumofthreekids · 03/12/2011 11:58

Well done OP for making the effort - so glad it was worth it!

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