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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to go for a coffee with a new bloke whilst DS was with me?

38 replies

SirBoobAlot · 01/12/2011 00:26

So. Yesterday, DS fell asleep in the buggy, and I took the oppotunity to finish off last bits of xmas shopping for weekend away starting Friday. In a little shop, got talking to the guy in there, as present advice, and then just chatting. Easy to talk to, funny, bright, easy on the eye - really just very pleasent. So I did something most unlike me, and asked if he would like to get a drink sometime. He said he'd love to, and was I busy now.
We had a lovely cup of tea and a chat. DS slept for almost an hour, and we left shortly after he woke up - guy walked us to bus stop, kiss on the cheek, with promises to text.
Told my mum about him earlier (excitied, but playing cool - okay, we've been texting non stop ) and she did her silence-so-you-know-i-disapprove-thing.
Was I unreasonable? I don't - or didn't - think I was. Wasn't like I got totted up for a hot date and took DS along. Circamstances just happened to work. Thing is, as a single mum, your "me" time is so small, if you don't meet someone whilst out with your DC, its virtually impossible, surely?
Anyway. So, was I unreasonable?

OP posts:

lisaro · 01/12/2011 00:30

No, just a bit tacky.

1Catherine1 · 01/12/2011 00:30

I don't think so. Your mum is just being over protective. That is of course what mums are for. :)

I do think it would be unreasonable to make this man a regular person in your DS life early though.. But a coffee and a chat is nothing especially as he slept through most of it.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/12/2011 00:31

I don't think so. It was a happenstance meeting, your DS was your "Chaperone" (or is it Chaperon since he's a DS not a DD?) anyway, it was in a public place, full view of everyone, open and honest and all that, what's to disapprove of? Unless of course you have a DP/DH waiting at home, in which case YABU. If not, go for it and let's hope he turns out to be as nice as he seemed at first meeting.
Your mum is probably worried that he'll hurt her little girl or mess you around or something, mums worry

Original poster

SirBoobAlot · 01/12/2011 00:41

How "tacky"? Do explain.

No, certainly not something I will be planning to make a regular occurance of. I'm not even sure I would have gone had DS been awake.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 01/12/2011 00:50

You were sat having a coffee, not cuddled up in bed together. How is it any different from if you had met a female friend for coffee?

I would play it safe though and get to know him much better before taking things further, ie back to your house etc.

TroublesomeEx · 01/12/2011 00:52

An opportunity arose, you took it.

It would have been tacky if you'd been outrageously flirting with him whilst keeping DS occupied with a Greggs sausage roll and a fruit shoot...

But no, I think a spontaneous coffee and a pleasant chat is fine.

Agree thought that if you do see him again, you need to keep DS out of it until you are sure.

lisaro · 01/12/2011 00:56

you don't know him - would you have done the same thing with someone you met on the internet? Please, stop and think. Sorry - tacky was the wrong word, but inappropriate, thoughtless (not intentionally, I know), careless.
99% I'm wrong, and putting it into absolutely the worst wording, BUT a man picking up a woman with a child in a shop? On the internet, as I said - you'd be more careful. Sorry for the wording, I've had a hellish day - called into work for a couple of hours on my day off because of a horrible emergency. Bit headachy now.

lisaro · 01/12/2011 00:57

Once again - tacky = wrong word.

fortyplus · 01/12/2011 01:03

lisaro - careful?? She knows where he works! Don't be so paranoid...

squeakytoy · 01/12/2011 01:08

So I did something most unlike me, and asked if he would like to get a drink sometime. He said he'd love to, and was I busy now.We had a lovely cup of tea and a chat

He didnt "pick her up".. she instigated the drink. There is no harm in sitting having a coffee with someone you have just met, in a public place.

AlfalfaMum · 01/12/2011 01:10

I'm not really getting the 'tacky' either

It would be a bit different if you had arranged a date like that in advance, but it was just something that happened organically, he sounds really nice :)
So, when are you going out on a proper date without DS :o

Roseflower · 01/12/2011 01:12

Where did you have the tea?

At his house or in a public place?

lisaro · 01/12/2011 01:13

Fortyplus, ok, so nobody has been done wrong to by anybody they know something about. I'm not being paranoid, it's not my situation - just saying - exercise some caution. I reiterate - worst possible scenario. Just be careful.

lisaro · 01/12/2011 01:16

Alfa - I totally backed up on the 'tacky. Please read further before commenting - the word was, and I will again admit, the ill advised typing of someone tired ans stressed. But not too stressed to advise caution to what seem like a lovely girl.

MartyrStewart · 01/12/2011 01:18

YANBU

Go for it

AlfalfaMum · 01/12/2011 01:24

Apologies Lisaro, so you did, sorry for not reading thread properly :)

lisaro · 01/12/2011 01:32

Furry Muff, Alfa, Can't complain - I barged in with my giant size 4's.

dancingmustard · 01/12/2011 01:34

Be responsible and enjoy yourself because you deserve it.

That is all :)

Morloth · 01/12/2011 01:58

Personally, I think that sounds great.

How nice to have 'met' someone so unexpectedly and so casually.

If you were suggesting moving him in next week that would be one thing. But connecting with someone, having a chat and exchanging phone numbers is perfectly appropriate.

Your Mum is being protective, she is a mum, you were there, you read the situation, nothing wrong with what you did whatsoever.

When are you going to call him?

Happydogsaddog · 01/12/2011 02:00

Wahey way to go, I have met so many other mums on the bus en route to the town centre and ended up looking around together an d even stopping for coffee, so nothing at all wrong with it.
Good for you, good luck all the way

FredFredGeorge · 01/12/2011 07:32

FFS of course YANBU, enjoy your coffee with whoever you meet whenever you meet. Enjoy your coffees and texting and whatever else might happen. Ignore your mum.

MistressFrankly · 01/12/2011 07:51

Of course YANBU, i am a firm believer in keeping your love life away from your family but this was hardly a date. You met a guy and clicked, like others have said it sounded no different to having a coffee with any other friend.

Your mum is just being a mum. It's not like you're going to wheel DS off to the pub for further dates no harm done

slavetofilofax · 01/12/2011 07:59

As your ds was asleep in a buggy most of the time, I think it's fine.

As he gets older, you won't be able to do that sort of thing though. Now that you have met, you need to go out with him without your ds around until you can be very sure that you know him well, and there is no need for him to be introduced again unless he is going to be a permenant in your lives.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/12/2011 08:02

Unless you blew him under the table (see drunk thread for tips) no, not tacky.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 01/12/2011 08:05

Oh how lovely

Your mum is just being protective, don't worry about it.

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