To tell DP i am not sure if i wanna marry him??

[cookielove]

So some back story, i have been living with DP for the last 4 years (been together for 7), i have a car and do all the driving. He has not got a license.

I've just had a huge row with DP, and i really can't stand to look at him right now which is why he is in the living room watching tv (after he told me, why do you get to watch tv) and i am in the bedroom on the laptop watching iplayer and MNing.

So on the way home from shopping DP tells me he's not going to try and pass his test anymore (he was learning a few months ago and has failed two test, but due to eye problems hasn't and can't drive until they are resolved). I probably went the wrong way and said to him that he was to, and they he wasn't going to throw away £500 just cause he can't be bothered to try.

So he says its probably more than that [argh]

So i get really cross and shout back saying that i don't want to be the only person driving, it would be really nice if he could drive to just for general easyness in life. But he is adament then he won't drive. So i say i really don't want to get married if i have to cart you round for the rest of my life. He says fine lets not get married.

The argument escalates with him refusing and me not backing down, we get into the flat and it gets petty, we start pissing each other off, i almost leave he doesn't care.

We really aren't speaking to each other now!!

I really just want him to pass his test, aibu to expect him to try and pass it??

I only passed my test 4 years ago (I'm now 37) and DH never ONCE put me under pressure to pass, or moaned about giving me lifts. So I do think YABU. I wasn't ready. When I was ready, I passed.

You don't have to ferry him around all his life, he can use public transport (though I don't see a problem with being the driver).

You have this skill, you can see how it affects your life and YANBU to encourage him not to give up... but to say you don't want to marry him if he can't drive??!! Well surely you've known this since you met him? It doesn't sound like a great way to start marriage if you cannot see beyond his lack of driving skills. Sorry.

Dh drives but I get around independently by public transport or walking and always have done. Yes he does give me lifts but I don't rely on him.

I think I understand how you feel.
It used to really piss me off that Dh couldn't and wouldn't drive. It made things awkward and all the pressure was on me.

Years on, he can drive. I still choose to do most of the driving - he's happy with that, but he can and it makes arranging and doing certian things a lot easier.Especially those unpredictable things.

Eventually it was his persistence and attitude that impressed me. 'I don't care how many times I fail, I'm going to do this'. Is this what's pissing you off?
Your dh sounds like he's giving up after trying only a couple of times.
I won't tell you how many times dh failed. But it was more than twice

YANBU

I would just like to say thank you to those who could understand from my point of view, the frustrations of living with a non driver.

For those who have seemed to miss the post where i said i didn't mean the comment about marriage that was said in anger and upset in the heat of the moment, i am sure lots of us have said things we didn't mean when upset.

For those of you who think i am a bully, or that i don't love my DP well you have a right to your opinions just as much as i have the right to ignore them.

I have spoken to DP, he knows i didn't mean it and basically told me so, he has actually apologised to me for being unreasonable about the car (his words) and also for trying to piss me off during the argument. I have apologised for demanding him to try again, and for saying i didn't want to marry him. He is looking forward in a couple of months to trying again, and taking his instructor in the car with him this time, so he can argue the point if they fail him for something silly.

I do love him, very much

cheers
cookie

Cookie I'm glad you have kissed and made up. I think many of the posters on this thread have missed the point that it's not simply about your dp being unable to drive but about his attitude towards it. At least you've cleared the air now and you both know how each other really feels about things. That's a good start. Nobody likes to feel taken advantage of and being the sole driver in a relationship can make you feel that way if the non-driver isn't appreciative. I have been plagued by relationships with men who can't drive to the point where friends used to joke about it. Ironically, in the end I married a man who can drive but is so terrible at it I do all the driving anyway. The difference is that he appreciates it, and always offers to take a turn on long journeys (always politely declined but always appreciated).

Thank you Rhubarb - the irony is i actually enjoy driving and will probably end up doing the lion share of driving any way

Ahhh - well done Cookie. And well done Cookie's DP.

Freedom it was your post that made me get up and go apologise, thanks for encouraging me to be a better person (not better then DP, as in better person for me) so cheers.