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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like I can't do this

43 replies

NoMoreNames · 30/11/2011 18:53

Have name changed
I am just finding everything such a struggle. The kitchen is full of washing up and I never ever manage to clear all of it.Sad
The rest of the house has untidy areas and clutter.
I just feel it's all a battle.
The DC drive me up the wall at times then I turn into shouty mum.
I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet and everyone I talk to has started theirs.
I just wonder how long I can struggle on for. I feel like I am useless cause I can't get it all done and feel things are going to get worse because of the extra
stress that Christmas brings.

I know other people have worse things going on in their lives so I feel I should be coping.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 30/11/2011 18:55

You sound worn out. Do you have much help? A DP or DH or family/friends who you could perhaps call in to help blitz the place? How long have you been feeling like this?

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2011 18:59

:(

lists?
I like to make a BIG list of everything that needs doing. Then each day choose a few things off that list (maybe one big job and a couple of smaller ones) to get done.
It's easier to achieve if you make your goals realistic and achievable and once you've started getting through it you will feel more motivated

are the kids in bed yet?

Wolfiefan · 30/11/2011 19:03

I have piles of magazines I ought to recycle and clothes to go to the charity shop but... Somehow life gets in the way. Tidying and cleaning when you have kids is like trying to clear snow in a blizzard!
Can you have a takeaway night so there's less washing up one night?
Anyone who says their kids don't sometimes drive them loopy are either lying or on drugs! Can you order stuff online and don't forget Christmas dinner is just a roast. If everyone is clean, fed and has clothes then I would cut yourself a break. If you constantly feel like you can't cope I would speak to your GP though.

smileitssunny · 30/11/2011 19:04

if you can afford it - get a cleaner. I had one for the first time today, I think she is going to change my life ;-)

Christmas shopping - me either. It'll happen. Internet?

Do tallk to someone close to you and let them know how you feel. Ask for help.

Good luck OP!

Original poster
NoMoreNames · 30/11/2011 19:05

I have a DH but he is on night shift at the mo so at work now and in bed in the day.
I have been struggling on and off since august, was diagnosed with anaemia so have been on iron tablets (still on them).
The DC are still up but I will have to try and get them ready for bed soon as one of them has school tomorrow.

OP posts:
LineRunnerSolsticeLover · 30/11/2011 19:08

Your DH sleeps 8 hours. He maybe works 8-10m hours. He has 6 hours to be a dad, husband and a person who lives in his own house and helps out.

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2011 19:08

right. get up now and get the kids in bed.

then come downstairs and make yourself a cup of tea/glass of wine/g&t

set the timer on the cooker for 15 minutes and blitz the kitchen.

reward yourself by coming back on here and telling us how well you've done Grin

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2011 19:09

and agree, your DH must have a few hours in the middle of the day to help out?

RMBallantyne · 30/11/2011 19:10

My place becomes untidy so I have a regime. Start at one end of the kitchen and move round it, putting away things as you work round. When done, move to the next room and do the same, putting away as you go. Eventually, you'll find it's done.

Or, as another poster has said, prepare a list of everything that has to be done - from putting out the bins to mowing the lawn or filing papers to vacuuming. The list is for a week so just work through it, ticking as you go. Yes, other things will crop up like ferrying a DC somewhere but the list helps enormously. Put the date at the top of the column of ticks and, the following week, start again at the top. You will discover the most urgent or important jobs that you do most often so put them at the top when you renew the list. It works. But leave msnet alone because it takes up so much time.

wonkylegs · 30/11/2011 19:11

Agree about lists but go a step further and split to : must do, would like to do, can happily delegate, and possibly should do but no biggy if gets missed.
It helps to break things down to stop it being overwhelming and do delegate.. It's one of the joys of being the boss Grin.
Don't sweat on the house being perfect (I know some people find this stressful in itself but if you can stick to the essentials only for a bit it'll take the pressure off)
Christmas - relax think of what makes it enjoyable for you and your family, concentrate on that and a lot of the rest will fall into place. The Internet is also your friend (I find shopping on their late at night soooo much easier than trying to find a spare afternoon without DS/DH to battle through the seeting masses)

CailinDana · 30/11/2011 19:12

Does your DH seriously sleep for the entire day?

cheesesarnie · 30/11/2011 19:13

are you me? Grin.
nothing to be ashamed of,do a quick blitz with yout favorite music playing in kitchen after the dc are in bed,make a short list of the big presents you want to get.

the aneamia will make you have no energy,its not that your crap,its that you feel crap.take the pills,i never realise how ill i felt until im better!

tell you what-since im same,how about we both report back laterSmile not a competition,more like a 'im with you'.

cheesesarnie · 30/11/2011 19:14

and p.s no need to be ashamed.we all go through times when it all gets on top of us

WowOoo · 30/11/2011 19:16

Do what thisisyesterday says. At least do some of the dishes. It will make you feel a bit better. And then have a nice relax and treat yourself.
You can do it.
But actually you can't get everything done everyday. I don't know who these people are! I certainly don't know many.

Hey, it's not even December yet either. Plenty of time.

Original poster
NoMoreNames · 30/11/2011 19:18

I would use the internet for shopping but I've never done any online shopping,
I'm a bit worried about it, is it safe? as you hear things on the news about internet crime ie identity thieft , card fraud etc,
Am I worrying too much?
I don't know, maybe I worry too much about stuff??

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 30/11/2011 19:20

and you aren't useless, you're doing your best.

the reason i know that lists and stuff work is cos i regularly get like this myself. so i know where you're coming from!

it takes me a HUGE amount of effort and willpower to keep on top of things

latrucha · 30/11/2011 19:21

I do this in terms of organising housework. I'm only posting it in case it helps or gives an useful idea.

After breakfast I clean the kitchen surfaces and dump dishes in the sink, wipe the loo and make beds. I wash these up with the lunch things after lunch. It may be a bit skanky but if I do the washing up 3 times a day, I don't feel like I do anything else.

Wash and tidy kitchen again while DC's are eating pudding.

DCs help with toy tidy up before bed.

Every day, I do one 'big' job.My list is:
Sunday - washing and drying
Monday - full bathroom (sometimes when LOs are in bath)
Tuesday - ironing
Wednesday - fridge, grill, oven and sink
Thursday - proper dust
Friday - proper hoover.

Other stuff I do as and when or DH does it.

It keeps my head above water and makes me feel that I don't have everything to do all the time.

Oh, and get out of the house. The washing up bothers you much less if you can't see it. It's my parenting mantra. Smile

I don't feel from your post that housework i really the problem, so I'm not offering this as a total solution.

thisisyesterday · 30/11/2011 19:21

internet is FINE for shopping. if you're worried then use somewhere big and safe like amazon,

or order online on places like tesco or argos and then pick up from store

JennyPiccolo · 30/11/2011 19:22

use amazon.co.uk for presents, it's as safe as it gets, you'll mostly get free delivery, it's usually cheapest and they have EVERYTHING. i did all my christmas shopping last year in about an hour on it.

JennyPiccolo · 30/11/2011 19:24

yeah i think getting out more helps. Open the windows to air the place, get the DC wrapped up and take them to the park to run about. You'll have more energy if you're not in all day trying to battle messes that occur.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 30/11/2011 19:26

Throw the dishes in the bin. Tomorrow you can buy paper plates and plastic forks in the pound shop. Put the DCs to bed and go yourself. Tomorrow, take the DC to school that needs to be there and you and the other one go buy the paper plates. When you get home, have naps or put the tv on for DC and you veg on couch until school run time. Tomorrow night, serve something quick and easy or have a takeaway. Put DCs to bed and go yourself again. By friday morning things will seem much brighter because you won't be so worn out, and you can think about what else needs doing. Then take small steps, one thing at a time. Don't berate yourself or get all upset or guilty because you're not a cross between supernanny, Nigella and whatsherface who handcrafts everything in the house in Laura Ashley fabrics.
The internet is safe if you take reasonable precautions, just like shopping anywhere else using your card. It's been a lifesaver for me as I can't physically do much shopping.

Original poster
NoMoreNames · 30/11/2011 19:26

Thanks for your support. I'm off to put DC to bed now.

Thanks Cheesesarnie Will report back later.

OP posts:
MissBetsyTrotwood · 30/11/2011 19:26

I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed.

Try to concentrate on one thing at a time. Like, clear one bit of the worktop. Then move onto the next bit. Then the draining board. And so on. If you are making a list of Christmas presents, just think about that. Not about the 1001 other things that might need doing too. Try to absorb yourself in the one thing you are doing and not be thinking about the next thing, and the next... .

It is really hard to focus your mind when it all seems too much. One step at a time, OK? No rush. I've not started Christmas shopping either. Smile

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 30/11/2011 19:27

For the washing up, I'd suggest packing away some crockery and glassware. If you have a mug for each adult then they get washed. If you have 10 mugs then they'll all be used before anyone has to wash up. That applies to a lot of stuff.

If it's in any way possible, get a dishwasher. It has been a lifesaver for me. I hate washing up, and every time I tried to get on top of it it would involve a huge clear up and over the next few weeks or so it would return to the everything dirty state. That would make me reluctant to cook as I'd have to wash up first and that would create more washing up. So I'd buy ready meals and feel like shit that I wasn't keeping on top of things or eating well. The dishwasher is magical for me. Yes, it might take time to load it and unload it but that doesn't bother me. And I never get that sinking feeling of a pile of washing up lurking in the kitchen - it's in the machine waiting to go on or be unloaded.

It pays for itself in money saved by me cooking from scratch 99% of the time. And even if it didn't I'd keep it.

FirstNoelle · 30/11/2011 19:29

Get your DP to take the kds out for a day one weekend and blitz as much of the house as you can.

Christmas shopping - online! I've been doing ot for 5 years now and it si the way forward.

Stop having such high expectations of yourself. Lots of people with young children have messy houses and huge to do lists - I know I have!

Now have a glass of wine / cuppa, tell yourself you are fabulous and stop worrying!