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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I can't do this

43 replies

NoMoreNames · 30/11/2011 18:53

Have name changed
I am just finding everything such a struggle. The kitchen is full of washing up and I never ever manage to clear all of it.Sad
The rest of the house has untidy areas and clutter.
I just feel it's all a battle.
The DC drive me up the wall at times then I turn into shouty mum.
I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet and everyone I talk to has started theirs.
I just wonder how long I can struggle on for. I feel like I am useless cause I can't get it all done and feel things are going to get worse because of the extra
stress that Christmas brings.

I know other people have worse things going on in their lives so I feel I should be coping.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 30/11/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StaceymAloneForver · 30/11/2011 19:31

i feel like this when i work too much (like now)

i find that having half an hour a day to do something makes you feel better, good luck

Rhubarbgarden · 30/11/2011 19:33

Internet shopping is wonderful. I'm at it constantly and the only bad experiences I've had have been when the quality of what I've ordered hasn't lived up to my hopes, usually because I've gone cheap, for example manky rotten tulip bulbs because I ordered from a discount gardening site. I learnt my lesson and only order plants from reputable nurseries now. If you are ordering something that isn't variable, for example a specific make and model of kettle, you can't really go wrong. For peace of mind and speed/ease of ordering, get lots of things from one well known site e.g. John Lewis, M&S, Amazon etc.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 30/11/2011 19:37

And if you wanted to, Tesco are offering money off your first online groceries shop - others might have offers on too, the forum section on [[www.moneysavingexpert.com is a good place to look for codes. You could use it for a weekly shop or use it to stock up on heavy stuff. You get to avoid the crowds and hassle.

herbietea · 30/11/2011 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 30/11/2011 19:40

This links you to the threads with discount codes.

Snuppeline · 30/11/2011 19:42

Hello, I haven't read the whole thread so don't know everyone's input - sorry if I am repeating anything, but I just wanted to recount a very fond memory of my mother. She became ill with a life-changing illness and had a very hard time adjusting to it for a while. She told me that she had to change from "thinking about all the things I should have done today to being pleased with all the things I DID get done".

Now, for me, that is a guiding principle for life if ever there was one. I certainly try to remind myself of it when I find myself stupidly striving too hard. Try it, consider all the things you have done today - got the children up, to school/nursery or entertained them during the day, sorted out arguments and was there to answer questions/give hugs, collected from school/nursery, got them meals and got them to bed. All dc alive and all well? Big TICK in the box for you so. Add substract as relevant for you but I am sure you will find quite a long list of things you have done today.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 30/11/2011 19:42

YY to a friend to help wrap stuff. Add cheesy Christmas music and wine for best results.

trixie123 · 30/11/2011 19:43

hi

well I haven't started the shopping yet either, only reason the house is remotely tidy is cos we did just get a cleaner and if we didn't, I guarantee that there'd be a huge pile of stuff in the sink. As it is the table is covered in washing / ironing. As others have said, one thing at a time, kids to bed, glass of wine then some chores!

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 30/11/2011 19:46

It looks like the Tesco codes for first time users expire today so try it now if you want here.

jan2011 · 30/11/2011 20:29

just one thing i do - if i don't have time and just want to feel better about everything - i just make sure one room is clean - the bathroom or living room, - then i feel i have one room to relax in which is clutter free and instantly feel less stressed. then i can think about what my priorities are and what i can do easily. do easy things first - if writing a present list and picking up a few things is easier and will make you feel better than tackling the ironing start that. then as you get more confidence you will move on to more things. but start with just one room - and relax in it make it nice, smelly candles, music :)

NoMoreNames · 30/11/2011 20:45

Thanks for all your replies. Lots of useful suggestions.

DC are now in bed so I will try to have a go at a few jobs in a minute.

OP posts:
BarryStar · 30/11/2011 21:10

Aw, do you know what - I don't know anyone who hasn't felt like this one time or another, and I actually don't believe anyone who says they've never shouted at their children.

What I try and do to keep on top of stuff is to tidy up as I go - so, at breakfast, as soon as the cereal has been used, it gets put away. As soon as the dishes have been used, they get cleared. As soon as the milk is finished with, it goes back in the fridge etc. And every time I go upstairs I take something with me that belongs upstairs. Every time I come down, I bring something down etc. You get the picture. If I let things get out of hand, it piles up, and then the thought of doing it is so daunting that it doesn't get done. So, I try and do the daily things, plus one extra chore each day, maybe the hoovering one day, the windows the next etc.

But nobody's perfect, and its ok to have a bit of mess. Most of my dc are older now, so really there's not much excuse for me, but my house is still, and always will be, a long way from perfect. Just getting through a day is draining sometimes, and if you have anaemia, you're going to find it even more challenging. Be kind to yourself.

As for Christmas, don't worry. It's still only November! . Do it on-line - Amazon will even giftwrap for you if you like.

NoMoreNames · 13/12/2011 15:00

Just updating as having another bad day!
Finding it all hard work again - Toddler getting up to all sorts
- Weather being horrible lately
- house not being how I would like it
- All the stress that comes with the before
Christmas build up
Kids doing my head in with attitude and
mis behaviour
people being pedantic about spellings.
Yes I know I spell some things wrong but does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?

I wish life was easier!

OP posts:
stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 13/12/2011 16:06

gravestones never say how clean your house was so dont sweat the small stuff

a certain level of domestic chaos is to be expected where there are young DCs

Sillyoldelf · 13/12/2011 16:13

I'm having a bad day too , just wanted you to know you are not on your own . DH is on nights ( which I find exhausting ) it's like being a single parent when he does lates and nights . Broke down in tears today as nothing seems to get done in the house , and Christmas is really starting to get on top of me . We are struggling financially so I am having to make everything from cards to presents this year . Which is putting even more pressure on me. And every christmas I find that DH is oblivious to it .

OldeChestnut · 13/12/2011 16:23

dont turn the PC on of a morning, thats my tip, it wastes way too much time.

OldeChestnut · 13/12/2011 16:28

Toddler getting up to all sorts/Kids doing my head in with attitude and
mis behaviour
- i find they get bored being left to their own devices while mum MNs and bad behaviour results (and thats not being snippy, just realistic)

  • house not being how I would like it - so make a start on it then, it doesnt do itself, or at least mine doesnt. Once you get going, you get into the swing of it, its the contemplation of doing it that is worse
  • All the stress that comes with the before Christmas build up - its only as stressful as you allow it to become. No one ever died because the ironing wasnt finished, or the parsnips didnt get cooked
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