to call H's bluff and see how he does as a 'single dad'?

[odaco]

Have 3 DCs. I'm a SAHM, H works late and is 'fun dad' at the weekends while I find myself yelling/stressing/doing piles of washing/fighting over homework, untidy rooms and bathtime. All 3 DCs total daddy's boy/girls.

H returned from a work trip abroad yesterday. While he was away the younger 2 DCs got an awful D+V bug which I then caught. Horrible trying to catch their sick/clean them up while arranging for someone to take DC1 to/from school, keep myself hydrated etc. I don't think I slept for more than 2 hours the whole time as someone was always being ill or crying or whatever (sometimes me!)

I know a lot of parents cope with a lot more but that's where I was, anyway.

H came home and the first thing he did was sneer at the state of the house (it was a tip, but I was so ill!) He then refused to take over the caring for still-ill DC3 as he was jetlagged. Slept through me and DC3 being ill, DC2 waking frequently with pain etc and went to work this morning as usual.

I begged him to take a half-day as had all DCs at home because of the strikes and was on my knees. He very grudgingly agreed (is easy for him to work from home). Ended up having a blazing row with H who basically said I could just eff off then if I didn't want to look after 'my' children and that an au pair would be cheaper than 'keeping' me "and better at housework".

AIBU to seriously consider checking myself into a hotel while I get over this horrible bug and leave him to see how he copes?

I slept aggressively on the sofa from 10pm to 3am and feel much better now. DC3 woke up at 3am and only wanted me so we are huddling on the sofa together now

Have no desire to understand why H might be acting this way. I can't summon up the energy to care. I will reassess when I feel better but things really do feel different. If H is hiding something major, that in itself is a sad statement on how different things are from how I thought they were.

Take a deep breath, think about the children, they need you especially now that they're ill, it is convenient to pack an overnight bag, but what if your husband abandons them and goes to the office, which I am sure he will, or something happened while you were away, would you forgive urself? He deserves to be punished but what about the children?. They need YOU.

my husband was a bit twattish about what i did at home, thinking i sat doing nothing etc... then after our youngest was born i got bad mastitis, his mother had it years ago and told him i had to rest or i would be hospitalised (she was) so i was sent to bed and he was left to cope with our then 8 year old (with asd) our 18 month old and a newborn.... he has never since asked me what ive been doing all day or complained someting was not done or grumbled when i asked for help so i would say yanbu, book yoursef in

seems to me (as someone who is facing a day at home with ill DCs and a bit ill herself) that if being a SAHM is a "job" then you ought, if at all possible, to get to have a sick day and take the day off, just like you would from a job in an office. It is difficult obviously, and you don't want your children to suffer in any way but it sounds like he would cope with it if he HAD to. The 3hr conference call is absolutely taking the piss. DP and I are both teachers (at the same school (private BTW so we didn't strike)) and have had to take it in turns to have days off this week working out whose lessons are most crucial / difficult to cover etc. He has not assumed that his are automatically more important. He's not perfect but he does step up when needed. OP's DP sounds like an arse BUT if this is unusual then its actually a bit more worrying than if its par for the course. Why now? OP, is it possible to speak to him directly about this (beyond the F off comments) with the kids out of earshot? I think the cleaning service idea is a good one and maybe just see if you can veg on the sofa. Taking yourself out of the house is difficult if your DC3 needs you. I wish you better and luck!

he sounds really really ugly in his soul

Yes. That.

I find the au pair comment really shocking. No doubt this nubile au pair would fall at his feet and suck his cock too in his sad little fantasy.