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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still be upset about this?

29 replies

deburca · 29/11/2011 20:49

Basically this is what happened at the weekend. Was in a pub with DH, he introduced me to this guy - we will say his name is John, knows him as they used to live beside one another, anyway we were all in a group, now I will stress that im not a prude, can listen to a dirty joke with the best of them but draw the line at going over the line if you get my drift. Im quite busty and I had been teased earlier about it - I had actually asked one of the guys to stop as I was sensitive about it.

Anyway we were quite merry at this stage and we decided to go home, on leaving this John person attempts to unwrap the throw I was wearing as if to look at them. I was LIVID!!, slapped his hands away and told him to stop.

we were sharing a cab home with one of the other guys and I was so embarrassed I waited until I got home to tell my dh. He was shocked and said he would make a point of getting in touch with him about it.

I dont know why (a) im still annoyed and (b) why I was so embarrassed that I didnt want to tell my dh in front of the other guy - its annoyed me big time - tell me to get over it - am I being a muppet?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 29/11/2011 20:55

He was out of order and you did well not to wipe the floor with him there and then. I ope your DH makes it clear to him what a twat he was being.

BlueCat2010 · 29/11/2011 20:55

Someone tried to take your clothes off to look at your boobs? Hell no, YANBU!

I sometimes wait to tell my DH stuff rather than say something personal to me rather than be seen to make a fuss, so you are NBU on that score either

scurryfunge · 29/11/2011 20:56

"hope"

AntiqueAnteater · 29/11/2011 20:58

oh fgs you had all had a drink, and he did something slightly inappropriate

get over it

you dont exactly sound the life and soul tbh

slavetofilofax · 29/11/2011 20:59

He was out of order!

Why do you think you didn't want to tell your dh in front of the other guy?

Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:00

thanks for that, tbh I was a bit sensitive when I met the guy so I wondered if I was overreacting a bit to it. The guy that was introduced - John (not real name by the way) was someone who lived beside my DH and his ex. I know the ex had told Loads of people that I was the ow and the cause of her marriage breakdown and because John was an old neighbour of theirs I thought - oh here we go - he is trying to make me out to be a slapper or something! There was so riske talk earlier on in the night, some of it I found crude so I told them all to pipe down and they did

I was drunk and I actually cried when I got home about it. I should have made a scene - believe me Im normally not a shrinking violet regarding anyone taking advantage - but i was so embarrassed about it - felt really humiliated if you get my drift.

OP posts:
Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:01

cheers antique - thanks for that! thats made me feel great

OP posts:
PontyMython · 29/11/2011 21:03

YANBU, I have annoyingly big boobs and have no problems with comments but no touchy!

mymummyisasquarehead · 29/11/2011 21:03

Hell no YANBU!!

Slightly inappropriate?! Get on with you, it's rude, disgusting and way more than slightly inappropriate!

Why the hell should you put up with that?!

Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:03

Sorry didnt mean to post that last one so quickly. I think I was just so embarrassed that I wanted to get away and not have draw anymore attention to it. He did it when we were saying goodbye and kind of filing out in a line if you get my drift, my dh was behind me and the other guy (sharing a taxi guy) was behind him.

My dh is very particular about anyone touching me even in a joky way and Ive actually had to calm situations down if someone does cross the line.

OP posts:
lionheart · 29/11/2011 21:04

John sounds like a sleazy twerp. I can see why you are still upset.

Not helpful, Antique.

StealthPolarBear · 29/11/2011 21:06

wasnt there a thread a while back about someone whose top was unzipped in a pub. John gets around!

scurryfunge · 29/11/2011 21:10

Ignore Antique- misses the point entirely.

Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:11

Thanks all, when I think back on it if I had created a scene this guy I feel would put it down to the fact that I was drnk etc and overreacting. Dont get me wrong I was drunk but I managed not to check anyones bits out.

My dh was annoyed also and said that he woudl speak to him - dh also said to me thatI was right to react to him as there are some women who would be so mortiifed that they wouldnt want the possibility of a scene and wouldnt say anything, just walk away.

My dh is really good like that. I was abused as a child and sometimes I dont react well to things of that nature. My dh has always reassurred me that I am well able to handle any situation of that nature whether he is there or not. He is a firm believer that women are and should be able to speak up and not let anyone take advantage of them - he is a little gem really.

OP posts:
Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:12

Unzipped - !!! oh there would have been such a row if that happend - there must be loads of them out there!!

OP posts:
Proudnscary · 29/11/2011 21:12

I don't think you're overreacting, I think it was very unpleasant of him to say the least. We don't always confront and react as we don't want to cause a fuss.

Proudnscary · 29/11/2011 21:13

And just read your post about your past, no wonder it hit you hard. Glad your dh is supportive x

SnapesMistress · 29/11/2011 21:14

Dickhead YANBU.

Why is your OH so particular about people touching you? Is he a jealous man?

squeakytoy · 29/11/2011 21:16

There was so riske talk earlier on in the night, some of it I found crude so I told them all to pipe down and they did

You do sound a bit over sensitive and prissy from that bit of your post. I wouldnt be impressed if someone told me to "pipe down"..

NonnoMum · 29/11/2011 21:17

I can't believe some people think it would be ok.

How about you asked if you could have a little feel of his crotch area? Go on, darling, you look so well-endowed.

Completely rude, inappropriate and offensive.

Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:22

I didnt tell them to "pipe down" in so many words, its a figure of speech, I told them that I was a bit uncomfortable with what some of them were saying, it was crude is all.

My husband isnt jealous, he is sensitive to it as he knows my past and knows how that sort of thing woudl bother me.

I could well be prissy - im not used to loads of crude talk, a dirty joke yeah, but not ever conversation would make me comfortable.

OP posts:
KouklaMoo · 29/11/2011 21:36

OP, it was me who posted a while back about my sister who had her dress unzipped in a pub by a mate of her new bf. Unfortunately there are many 'Johns' around it seems... I got mixed responses on my thread- most supportive but some along the lines of 'she wore a strapless dress with a load of blokes in a pub - what do you expect?'

What's funny is that they were doing the risque banter thing with my sis as well, but she laughed along with them (even though she wasn't comfortable with it). I was asked why she didn't 'nip the banter in the bud'. I notice you did tell them stop it - and you're told you're prissy here. So you really can't win.

YANBU to still be upset- your dh sounds like a gem though.

Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:44

I agree kouklaMoo sometimes there is no winning. My dh has told me that John is normally a nice guy (apparently they went to the same school years ago) but he will defo be telling him his behaviour is unwarranted and unwanted.

I dont think it should matter what you are wearing, I was wearing uggs, a cardigan and a baggy top - hardly come to bed attire. Is she ok now and what did her boyfriend do/say?

OP posts:
Original poster
deburca · 29/11/2011 21:46

Sorry, uggs and Throw and a baggy top - I really need sleep!

OP posts:
KouklaMoo · 29/11/2011 22:17

deburca my sister's 'John' was also 'normally a nice guy' too. Funny that. Afaik she hasn't seen 'John' again and she is still very much at the dating stage with the bf. She's still seeing him, but taking things slow :) I haven't even met him yet. Like you, she didn't tell him about it till afterwards - so he couldn't do anything about it at the time. The guy apologised the next day and apparently the drink was blamed Hmm Not sure that sis would ever want to see hime again tbh, she was really upset by it.

You are proof that it doesn't matter one bit what you're wearing - you can still be a target. But I was shocked that, in my sister's case, MNetters could fall into the trap of blaming it on what she was wearing. I thought these were more enlightened times.

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