in thinking that potty training has nothing to do with being 'clever'.......

[LifeIsButtercream]

My DD (2.5) is not yet potty trained, she is aware of when she needs to 'go' but doesn't want to even consider sitting on the potty/loo yet and gets very anxious when she doesn't have a nappy on. We are working on this, and waiting until she is ready and interested in/keen to start.

However, my friend who is a nursery school teacher and has a daughter who was fully trained months earlier than DD won't let it drop - whenever she speak she is always asking whether DD is 'finally training yet?' and says that her DD is so clever and so advanced and she can't expect every other child to be like that - and if she had a child DD's age in her group who wasn't trained yet they would worry as 'only the ones who are a bit slow or not very bright aren't trained by this age'.

DD is my first child, I don't know a huge amount about child development whereas she does because of her training - but AIBU in thinking that a child's intelligence has nothing to do with potty training? It's awareness and readiness, right?

If it is then I'm worried, my DD is smart and articulate (in my eyes) her speech amazes me, but it's worrying me that someone with child development related training is possibly identifying her as 'a bit slow or not very bright'.

She's talking bollocks

Your friend's no friend. YANBU.

Does she actually say that to you? Obviously it's bollocks. She also clearly lacks social skills!

Bollocks is a pretty good definition of what your friend is telling you. Do not stress, she will be ready when she's ready, and the ability to control bladder and bowels has absolutely NO bearing on intelligence.

You don't have a problem with your daughter's potty training. You have a problem with your mean, bitchy 'friend' who puts your daughter down in order to make herself feel good.

Next time she says something of this kind, I think you should calmly say that you think she is sounding very unkind, and that your DD'd development is none of her business.

It's nothing to do with intelligence.

Your friend has no idea what she is talking about.

She's an idiot.

God she sounds like my MIL and SIL. She sounds like a right bitch to me

what tiger said

I've got an early years degree. But mainly I'm a mum. Potty training is not brought up in training to whether or not a child is 'clever' that's a horrible thing for her to say. 'a bit slow'? I hope she doesn't actually say that to parents at nursery?

I'd say MOST are trained by pre-school age with accidents still being common well into reception.

Mine was potty trained at 2 in a week then lost all his skills at 3 1/2 and needed re training and still has accidents in y1.

Please dont let her worry you

Your friend is a nursery school teacher and tells you this nonsense? thats bad

Your friend needs to look for another job. She's obviously not bright enough to do the one she has properly. Did she really say your dd is slow and not very bright?

She'll do it when she is ready.
I was getting very stressed about DD being dry for school when she was 2.8.
I had tried training her when she was two but it was pointless.
One day I decided it was shit or broke. She mastered the toilet (loathed potty's) in about three days.
Your friend is not your friend as someone else pointed out.

My 2.5 year old just piddled into the dvd player when I half heartedly got the potty out today. 'Oh dear' he said laughing!
I haven't been pushing potty training as a touch lazy. Also aware that my older ds kind of potty trained himself at age 3. Almost overnight it was. Buying value nappies and trying to ignore my pursed lipped mum and his younger friends mum whose dd was potty trained 'ages ago'!
Don't stress. My older ds seems fine intelligence wise despite mine/his slackness in the potty department.

yanbu! just ignore your friend, it seems like you are talking more sense despite her having training and you don't, and maybe she is just more interested in showing off about her dd. also i dont think 2.5 is considered particularly late? a lot of children are toilet trained in the months between 2.5 and 3.
my ds was not toilet trained at 2.5 either, he probably could have but i was a bit anxious about it myself and did not start with him til few months after that. im sure many children are later than 2.5 for those kind of reasons too so how can that logically have anything to do with their intelligence or being 'slow' (horrible to say about a child :S) or anything else?? And im sure there is a developmental aspect to it like how strong their bladder is etc?

I agree with others. She is not a friend she is a complete bitch. How dare she insinuate that your child isn't bright and should be worried about!?
It also absolute bullshit!
Being able to crap in a pot doesn't a genius make.

She's talking utter rubbish.

Thinking about my 2 DD's and my friends children - the age range for potty training was something like 23 months to 3+ years. Potty training can be frustrating enough without some idiot coming out with crap like that.

DS2 really couldn't be bothered with potty training. He was the oldest one in pull-ups at nursery. Then one day he decided to put on pants and sit on the toilet. A couple of hours later he told me that he was going to wee standing-up from now on. And that was that. No potty, no wet pants, dry at night, no mess, no fuss.

Your 'friend' is talking rubbish.

Utter rhubarb.

I've got 4dcs. DC4 is nearly 5m and not potty trained so clearly a dunce . DD2 was the only one I 'trained' - at 2.1 as she had really awful nappy rash so we steeled ourselves and had 2-3 weeks of pure hell til she got the hang of it.

DD1 & DS1 I left totally to their own devices. They were both 2.11. Both decided on their own that they were ready. DD1 said 'I've done a wee in the potty' and DS1 said 'I don't want to wear nappies today' and that was that. They were both dry at night within 6wks of that. DD2 took a lot longer to be dry at night. And they both had fewer accidents in the day than I have fingers on one hand.

So it is possible to train your child (although you can't really train at night - that is developmental) but why bother? It proves nothing about their intelligence at all. DD1 & DS2 are neither of them of genius intelligence but they are perfectly normal well-achieving children.

Smile and nod. Better still, agree that your child is a dunce and see what the reaction is.

And then delete your 'friend' from your life

i agree, not related to intelligence.

Related to luck in timing, combined with number of carers (can be obv harder to train if a child is in a few different settings).

I found, personally with my two that it happened when I had finally gone for it. Sorry with my dd, when my mil finally went for it! Between 2 -3, can't believe I've already forgotten.
It just shows, it doesn't matter once you've cracked it. No one cares. It's just horrendous while you're being judged isn't it? I felt awful about dd, some parents would compete about ANYTHING!

Agree with everything everyone else has said.

This is my experience of potty training. My friends DS1 started potty training aged 2.5, he is extremely bright, I would say 2 yrs ahead of his peers academically. Her DS2 is also very bright, trained aged 2 but still in nappies at night aged 3. He can spell, and read, and write, 5 letter words and more, and at 3 I would say this is really advanced!

My nephew trained quite late, around 3.5yrs for wees but later for poos. Again, he is bright, academically ahead in everything at school.

My DS1 trained at 2.3yrs, academically, he couldn't give a monkey's.

Another nephew trained at 2, but had quite severe speech delay, this doesn't mean he isn't bright, just not forward with language etc, but he is catching up really well.

The point to all this confusing waffle is that IME there is no correlation between potty training & academic development or forwardness.

Your friend's use of language is offensive, she is unprofessional, unkind and talking rubbish.

YANBU
she's being a mummywanker. God I hate them.

My friend keeps telling me to start potty training DD. She is only 14m. I had no idea when to start so read up online and now have no intention to start. She claims her DD was out of nappies by 12m . Have learnt to ignore the bollocks now.

breathes an epic sigh of relief

Thanks loads :) DD is a bit stubborn and to push her on something just makes her lock-down and become an immovable rock lol! I'm gonna leave the potty out and wait for her to decide she likes the idea hopefully before she turns twenty one

What a load of crap, i'd be worried having her as a staff member in a nursery if she comes out with stuff like that.

Toilet training has nothing to do with intelligence. DD1 by the time she was 2 years old could do 250 peice jigsaws, and at age 7 has a reading age far beyond her years. But she wasn't toilet trained during the day until she was 3 and a half and not dry at night until she was 6 years old. I was told by a doctor that parts of the brain develop at different rates and if one part becomes more advanced then often another part is slower.

DD2 was trained before she was 3years old, could have been sooner but she is very small and couldn't get on a toilet even with a step until then. Dry at night just after she was 3years old. She is like her sister and is good at problem solving and has been reading simple words herself but she isn't at school until next year. Yet was much earlier at toilet training.

Children are all different , doctors don't get involved until children are about 7/8 and are still wetting.

People talk bollocks about kids being "clever" about normal childhood mildstones all the time. I heard an intelligent friend of mine saying to her daughter "look x is walking now, isn't she clever".
I just ignore it, people's brains go out of the window when discussing child development.
I don't know of a link between IQ/salary as an adult and age of potty training and walking (excluding major developmental disorders). People just like to talk nonsense about kids, especially their kids. Some of it is probably a reflected glory thing "my kid's walking/ potty trained early, aren't I clever"