in thinking that potty training has nothing to do with being 'clever'.......

[LifeIsButtercream]

My DD (2.5) is not yet potty trained, she is aware of when she needs to 'go' but doesn't want to even consider sitting on the potty/loo yet and gets very anxious when she doesn't have a nappy on. We are working on this, and waiting until she is ready and interested in/keen to start.

However, my friend who is a nursery school teacher and has a daughter who was fully trained months earlier than DD won't let it drop - whenever she speak she is always asking whether DD is 'finally training yet?' and says that her DD is so clever and so advanced and she can't expect every other child to be like that - and if she had a child DD's age in her group who wasn't trained yet they would worry as 'only the ones who are a bit slow or not very bright aren't trained by this age'.

DD is my first child, I don't know a huge amount about child development whereas she does because of her training - but AIBU in thinking that a child's intelligence has nothing to do with potty training? It's awareness and readiness, right?

If it is then I'm worried, my DD is smart and articulate (in my eyes) her speech amazes me, but it's worrying me that someone with child development related training is possibly identifying her as 'a bit slow or not very bright'.

nothing to do with being clever. your friend is obviously showing her ignorance and does not know it is to do with nrve development.

dd is bright enough to be reading books from ks2 in y1 but was not trained til 3 3/4 therefore no correlation.

Take absolutely no notice at all! If she's a nursery teacher she specialises age 3-7 and I doubt very much whether they teach about bowel and bladder control on a teaching course! My children were both appalling at potty training, I never had cushions on my sofa because they were alway being cleaned! My eldest graduated last year with First Class honours degree and she was the worst of the two for indiscriminate piddling! So, no, I don't think it automatically correlates to any indicator of intellectual devlopment. Also, I am a nursery nurse and spend all day with children who are at varying stages of potty training and we have had plenty of children who are bright but in nappies till quite late and conversely, lots of children where just about the only thing that they have a clue about is how to go for a wee and a pooh. If a child has developmental issues it may be that they also have continence issues but I definitely wouldn't say that toiletting is inextricably linked to intelligence. Your friend is the unreasonable one, I suggest you give her a sticker for being so good at showing off!!

Glad you're feeling better OP! Your friend is definately, not your friend, talking bollocks and also needs a new job.

DD was just like yours at the same age, she is a few months older now and starting to get into the idea now - she hated the potty so much I was wondering if she was going to be the first child ever to refuse to potty train out of sheer hatred of the concept!! But I think we're getting somewhere now (if not remotely perfectly).

I certainly hope not or all 4 of mine would be educationally sub-normal, even the one who just got 9 A* and 1 A at GCSE! DH and I were remarkably late to be dry and both went to Cambridge.

No, I'm pretty certain it has NOTHING to do with either intelligence or psychology or parenting or any other tosh that playgroup mums might level at you. It's about readiness of neural pathways.

Hang in there!

She's talking absolute rubbish.

I don't have extensive potty training experience (have only done DS1), but 2.5 is still well within what I would consider the right time window for training (on the younger side in fact). DS1 was about 2y and 8 months and it was easy because I left it until he was ready.

Hold off until you feel she's ready. Don't let some idiot pressurise you into doing it too early.

Dd1 and ds were both 3 before they were trained. Dd2 was 22 months.

As a CM I have helped toilet train many kids.. there is no given... when they are ready, they are ready. Try and ignore your thoughtless friend x

My 5 year old is on G and T register but is still having daytime and nightime accidents. Nothing to do with being clever.
Most children aren't ready at 2 1/2

how often have you been asked in a job interview:

"and how old were you when you potty trained?"

it wont be on her CV.
she will when she is ready.

wait til spring / summer when it is warm and do a concentrated let's go without a nappy week.

What a nasty thing for her to say, ds2 was 3 before he was potty trained in the day and older before he cracked it at night. He was also late to walk and talk but still managed to get the highest marks in his year on his sats 3 years later

Yanbu

I think it's more to do with training methods, apparently years and years ago children were potty trained alot earlier but then there were only cloth nappies without special liners, fancy washers and dryers so the incentive was there for the parents but now that we have pull up pants etc there is less hurry for parents....

YANBU. I have 5 DC. 3 were trained by 2yr 9 months. 2 were over 3 years (just). One of these was my DD2 who is now at high school and in top sets and G&T register. So nothing to do with intelligence! And it doesn't become a worry until about 4 years and up-even then it may well be normal just delayed. I have studied quite abit of child development too. I certainly wouldn't push it down anyone's throat though OR brag. I would just change the subject when she brings it up.

Okay, next time she says it, head on one side and ask "Did you mean that to be as rude as it sounded?".

DS has just "got" potty training at 3yo. I don't see this as the thing that defines his abilities. but I am quite glad he's no longer in nappies as it was costing a bomb

My DS is a genius of the first order - well, OK, maybe not, but he is a bright, highly articulate little chap and well ahead of all his milestones so far - and he wasn't potty trained until well after his third birthday. He had to decide he wanted to do it, and he was clearly making up deliberate excuses because he was stubborn and frankly couldn't be arsed for a long time - he kept telling me that nappies were 'easier'! When he finally decided that he wanted to go for it - which strangely coincided with me running out of measly chocolate buttons one day and resorting to chunks of mint Aero - he was sorted in a matter of days.

Maddening, I think there was also a fair amount of slapping in the event of accidents back in them days too. My French friend potty-trained her dd at exactly 2, by giving her the most almighty wallop when she wet the floor by accident. She was potty-trained in a couple of days but it's not my cup of parenting tea.