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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want my DH to stop nagging me to exercise?

35 replies

choceyes · 28/11/2011 11:53

My DH is a fitness freak! He cycles to work 20 miles a day, plays squash a couple of times a week, and given more opportunity (we have 2 small DCs so, not a lot of opportunity in the weekends) will happily go running, go club cycling in the weekends. He does triathlons too. Good on him and happy that he is fit and well and also saves commuting money by cycling - although he deos spend an awful lot on his bikes and clothes.

Anyway, he keeps nagging me that I need to do exercise. At the moment I feel fluey and achy. Both DCs had coughs and colds and I have been up with teething DD for weeks now without proper sleep.
His reason for me feeling ill is that....that I don't do enough exercise

I'm so tired by the end of the day as I'm either at work or with the DCs looking after them. I just want to veg out on the sofa and read a book or watch telly. He gives me the guilt trip every night that I should go out running after the kids have gone to sleep. This is the last thing I feel like doing at that time. He just doesn't get it.

He also perhaps jokingly points out my mummy belly (2 c-sections within 2 yrs and I still have a paunch) and that I am not slim as I used to be. I'm currently 8 stone 2lbs though, even if I am short at 5'2, hardly overweight.

I do like to exercise and have done stuff in the past, including 10K runs. I'm just too tired now. AIBU to ask him to leave me alone??!

OP posts:

nofrikkincarbs · 28/11/2011 11:57

yanbu, he shouldn't be making you feel guilty for wanting to relax the way you choose

WorraLiberty · 28/11/2011 11:57

You wouldn't be unreasonable to shove his bicycle pump up his arse sideways and tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck imo.

GypsyMoth · 28/11/2011 11:59

So he's willing to do the childcare whilst you go??

coffeesleeve · 28/11/2011 12:00

YANBU.

I'm 5'2" too, but over 11st. 8st 2lbs is slim to me! I work out 4-5 times a week, but not to lose weight, I do strength training.

I'd suggest taking up weight training, so the next time he nags you to exercise, you can punt him into the middle of next week

Tongue firmly in cheek there Seriously, you have every right to relax how YOU choose to.

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 28/11/2011 12:01

YANBU dear god tell him to fuck off. on your behalf. Had DS 5 months ago and honestly someone telling me I should exercise more coz I'm a chubbster/lazy/whatever would make exercise of any kind very unappealing.

tryingtoleave · 28/11/2011 12:01

Yanbu. I found looking after two small children so physically demanding that I had no desire (or need) to exercise. Now my youngest is almost three, I've started doing a bit of exercise again.

Perhaps your dh should spend less time exercising and more at home helping so you have the energy to get out?

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 28/11/2011 12:01

Does he do his fair share of looking after the DCs in between exercising?
Why would you have to wait till after the kids have gone to sleep before going for a run? Why couldn't he look after them while you went?
Does he have to wait until they're asleep before he can go to play squash?

NatashaBee · 28/11/2011 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eurochick · 28/11/2011 12:02

I find I have more energy when I am exercising, so maybe he does have a point...

EricNorthmansMistress · 28/11/2011 12:02

YANBU
he's being an insensitive prick. You are not overweight, so digs about your tummy are fucking out of order (not that they would be ok if you were, but they are downright malicious considering your weight, which is bordering underweight!)
You exercise as much or as little as you like!

Just as an aside, I have been contemplating regular exercise for a very long time, and trying to work out what I would actually commit to. Like you, I won't exercise if it involves leaving the house and going somewhere - or being out in the cold and dark - and I won't join a class if I don't know anyone there. So I bought the 30 day shred DVD. It is great for fitting in to my evening, I do it between putting DS to bed and dinner, it takes 25 minutes from start to end and it really works. But then my DH is supportive and helps by getting dinner ready for when I've finished.

FootballFriendSays · 28/11/2011 12:03

"that I should go out running after the kids have gone to sleep" How about going to a dance class in the evenings? So rather than trying to go running ^after" doing everything else at home and on your own in the dark and cold, go somewhere warm and with a bit of socialising too. Your DH can sort out the kids and put them to bed one-two evenings a week.

lottiegb · 28/11/2011 12:05

Not very kind of him to nag and never likely to be an effective means of persuasion.

If you've done 10k runs in the past you'll know how best to motivate yourself and that exercise is energising. It's also easier to do when you already feel good, so a virtuous cycle, or a vicious one when you're tired.

The question is, do you want to get back into doing regular exercise? If you'd like to, I think just doing something, rather than thinking too much and making plans you mightn't stick to, can work quite well. You feel better afterwards, which then makes you feel like doing it again. I'd be starting with swimming.

Original poster

choceyes · 28/11/2011 12:05

worraliberty - that's brilliant! that is exactly what I feel like saying to him everytime he says it.
We have a mutual friend who lives nearby that goes running sometimes and I went running with her a couple of times in the summer and he keeps nagging me to text her and ask to join up with her again. She is childless, she probably has a lot more energy spare in the evenings than me.
Once he said that he is "dissapointed" in me , in that I don't want to go running. I was stumped by that.

sarasidle - yes he would look after the DCs while I went out for exercise.

OP posts:

ragged · 28/11/2011 12:05

Put it to him that you will go running (& shower, & warm down), whilst HE gives the children tea/bath/teeth brushed/put to bed.

Even better, you'll go for a run in the morning (and shower, etc.) whilst he gets the children up, breakfasted, and ready for nursery.

Gawd I hate nagging. yanbu.

Original poster

choceyes · 28/11/2011 12:10

yes he does wait until the DCs are in bed to go play squash. And he also does a lot around the house, even if he is watching telly, he will be doing the ironing. Bless him. He just can never not do anything.

Only reason that I need to wait till DD is asleep is cos I BF her to sleep.

I love the idea of the 30 day shred. I shall look into that thanks!

OP posts:

Original poster

choceyes · 28/11/2011 12:13

I have actually thought of a dance class. I used to do salsa dancing pre DCs. I'm serously thinking of starting that up again.

ragged - he has to leave the house by 7.15am everyday for work, so I have no time to run then.

OP posts:

OldGreyWassailTest · 28/11/2011 12:31

Right - if he leaves at 7.15 you get up at 6, tell him to sort out the children, and go out for an hour. I wonder if he will be frazzled when you get back? Then do the same as soon as he gets home in the evening.

My friend has been married fro 30 years and she has a husband who can't sit still for one single minute. He nags her and nags her constantly if she appears to be doing nothing. Beware!

beatenbyayellowteacup · 28/11/2011 12:38

I think it all depends how he does it. It sounds like he's doing it insensitively, so in that case YANBU.

But it might pay to consider that he knows how good exercise makes you feel, and that you used to do it and I presume enjoy it, and he thinks the exercise is the key to making you feel better now.

If he offers to look after the kids etc as others have posted then I'd take him up on the offer! (I second the 30 Day Shred btw)

mumwithdice · 28/11/2011 12:41

choceyes, he does realise that your tummy is in part the result of your womb having stretched from carrying his children, yes? If not, tell him he can complain about yours once he has been pregnant.

notyummy · 28/11/2011 12:44

He may genuinely think he doing the right thing, as you will be healthier/have more energy in the long run (i.e people who exercise regularly generally get less bugs/have more energy.) Also, people who exercise a lot (like me/DH) sometimes struggle to understand why others wouldn't want to - although I don't think either of us would be as pushy as he is being. He is clearly going about the wrong way. 'Disappointed' - WTF?! Have you had a 'cards on the table' conversation where you have explained that you KNOW doing some exercise would be a good thing, and you WILL when the time is right for you? Has he hinted that he isn't happy with you/your body? Could that be behind it? DH and I once had a jokey conversation about how our bodies will change as we get older, and he said 'I would never, ever call you on it if it did happen - I think I would just encourage you to exercise as subtly as I could .' . Perhaps he is trying the same approach......

lisianthus · 28/11/2011 12:45

He gets a lot of time off to do his fun things- do you get the same amount of time off? It doesn't sound like it. The only reason he can spend the time cycling into work every day rather than picking a faster mode of transport is because YOU pick up the slack, as you do for his squash, running, club cycling and triathlons. Likewise, he has the energy to do this stuff as you are looking after the children, house and cooking.

Does he appreciate this at all, or is it just "nag, nag nag, I'm swanning off to have some fun now" with him?

camdancer · 28/11/2011 12:54

My DH can be a bit like this, but it is because I am a happier, more productive person when I'm exercising. So he is just trying to encourage me and be positive for me. Trouble is that it is hard to start up again. I'm tired from being up for hours in the night with DD2 so I want to get more sleep or relax rather than exercise. I know once I get back into it life would be better, but just at the moment he needs to shut the fuck up and let me get through this crappy time with a non-sleeping DC.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant. Anyway, it does sound like your DH is honestly trying to help, but it isn't working. Maybe just a quiet word with him telling him that would stop it. I'm sure you'll do what you want to do when you want to do it.

BuntyCollocks · 28/11/2011 13:13

Tell him to fuck off.

HTH.

Grumpla · 28/11/2011 13:19

FFS you're knackered, breastfeeding and presumably doing plenty of extra childcare so he can do all his sporty shit? And he has the gall to criticise your body?!?

Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Original poster

choceyes · 28/11/2011 13:53

I think he does want to help, i.e wants me to exercise to lower my stress levels. But he is insensitive and unsympathetic. And he loves telling people (his family included) what they should and should not be doing. He is a teacher, and he behaves like one at home too.

Can't critise him for household chores, he is great at it. Does the majority of the cleaning and washing up. I do the cooking and sorting out DC things for the next day. He has stopped a lot of his activities in the weekend since we had the DCs so to be fair to him, his exercising doesn't impact on us that much as a family. Although yes I do look after the DCs when he does triathlons and squash etc, but then he is also good at looking after them if I want to go see a film or whatever.

I do feel upset however at the digs at my body though. He says he still finds me sexy and likes to be affectionate, but on the other hand he makes these comments too. Then he doesn't understand why I don't respond to his advances.

OP posts:

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