Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

for thinking prehaps I'm just spoilt?

43 replies

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 09:39

I am a married mum of 3. Eldest is 10, youngest is 2.

DH work m-f (out 0f house 7 til 7). I am a SAHM. I do 99% housework, running round after DC, organising, budget badly etc. (generally don't mind) DH probably does more of the homework, putting DCs to bed etc than me and is a hands on Dad when he is here.

Youngest DC goes to nursery 2 days a week.

I have this niggling feeling that I should be doing more (in terms of courses, work) but don't want to I am am shattered and feel like my life is pretty full.

I did start a course recently and TBH just found it a struggle to fit it in and felt very unmotivated so have jacked it in.

Am I just spoilt?

OP posts:

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 28/11/2011 09:42

Not spoilt, and if you enjoy being a SAHM, it adds value to your family, you can financially support yourselves, and your DH respects you - then just enjoy it.

From a risk point of view (incase your DH ever loses his job, or when the kids leave home) - do you have another skillset you can fall back on in the job market...?

winnybella · 28/11/2011 09:45

Hmm. I found 2.5 of looking after a toddler such a exhausting nightmare that I'm still recovering from it, 7 weeks after she has started nursery full-time. I'm supposed to be looking for a job . So perhaps I'm not the best person to say. But I don't think YABU- even 3 days a week is tiring plus all the housework etc...Maybe you'll do your course etc when they are all at school...Btw I'm doing 2 distance university courses at the mo and it is quite hard.

winnybella · 28/11/2011 09:45

2.5 years of looking after a toddler

alittlebitshy · 28/11/2011 09:46

I know what you mean.

I have just 2 ds - 8 and 3. Dh works from home but hours v erratic (vicar).

I do 99% of housework (not diy - then again neither of us are good at that ) and like your dh mine is brilliant with homework, does bathtimes and bedtimes.

I know I will need to go back to work when my youngest is at school next year but I am terrified. I know I am very lucky not to have had to go back until now, but i think that not having to do so has spoiled me and made me a bit of a wuss:(

I may get flamed but i say if you don't HAVE to work, enjoy it while you can - the time may come when you really need to, and you don't want to have spent the years preceding it feeling guilty when really it would be nice to look back fondly on that time.

Original poster

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 09:46

See Bin that does play on my mind alot and guess both the DH losing his job and me being an empty nester worries me. However I'm thinking prehaps I can re-train if I am ever in this situation and get a little job when DCs are grown? Niave (sp)

OP posts:

alittlebitshy · 28/11/2011 09:48

2 dc mean - only one ds. Lord - the fact i have been googling dsi's this morning has really affected my ability to type anything other than those letters .

dreamingbohemian · 28/11/2011 09:48

No you're not spoilt! Unless there's a pressing need for you to retrain or such, just do what you feel capable of doing at the moment. It will be easier when they're all in school.

Original poster

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 09:50

winny Good luck with the job hunt. Yes I think I might do the courses when DD at school or I might have another baby

a little If there was a like button I'd like your post.

OP posts:

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 28/11/2011 09:51

Yes of course you can, it's all about having longterm forsight.

If you have any time at all at the moment - why no try some volunteering?

I found that if I stayed at home too much during the day, I would excessively focus on the cleaning to OCD levels and not speak to many adults!

It may be a little less tiring to get out of the house and do something for half a morning a week and see how you feel?

Nagoo · 28/11/2011 09:51

You sound like your life is filled up already, and everyone in your family is happy with your set up. So why try to fix what isn't broken?

Bonsoir · 28/11/2011 09:52

No, I don't think you are spoiled. If your DH is out of the house 7-7, 5 days a week, and you have three children who all need adult supervision at all times and no help in the house, that is plenty to be getting on with. I can understand that you might want more adult company and intellectual stimulation than you can easily fit into your day, but don't feel guilty that you cannot fit that in!

FWIW, I counted up that I do 21 hours of child-related logistics outside the home every week (school runs and accompanying to activities). That is a lot of time and energy!

cjbartlett · 28/11/2011 09:57

The only thing that strikes out at me is why youngest child goes to nursery two days a week if your at home?

BertieBotts · 28/11/2011 09:59

Of course you don't have to work, retrain, do courses etc if you don't want to. If you're happy doing what you do then just do it and be proud of it! Why would that make you spoilt? Lucky, perhaps, that you don't have to work, but many people don't have to.

Is it just because other people say they get bored being a SAHM? Because I did but for me it wasn't because I didn't feel I was doing anything worthwhile, or because I felt it was easy, it was just that I really missed adult conversation which didn't revolve around children, and I hated being the one to instigate order & routine etc constantly.

Original poster

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 10:00

cj because it helps my sanity and as I have absolutley no other help it means if I need to go to the dentist, doctors etc I can do so in peace.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 28/11/2011 10:00

Why should the youngest not go to nursery, if they can afford it?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 28/11/2011 10:01

My DD went to nursery five times a week at the same age. I was at home too.
My reasons were sociability, she is an only child and I didn't have the same material resources that a nursery school has.

Original poster

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 10:02

I suppose Bertie it is because other people seem to fit so much into their lives, often read on here about parents with same number/ more than me working/ studying etc and just feel a bit well, lacking?

OP posts:

suburbandream · 28/11/2011 10:06

Your youngest is 2, so your days are still pretty tied up, and I understand not having any other help means you need that time that she's at nursery to do other stuff. Enjoy it while you can and don't feel guilty. Once all your DCs are at school you'll have more time and then you could do work/ courses/ volunteering. Despite what some people might think, being a SAHM is a worthwhile full-time job too you know

Original poster

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 10:07

Thanks Sub I know that, really I do - just needed a reminder.

OP posts:

cjbartlett · 28/11/2011 10:09

But it's not full time sahm if dc is in nursery two days a week

Is it?

Original poster

sweetsantababy · 28/11/2011 10:16

CJ On nursery days, 7.30-8.55 (get DCs ready/drop off). Pick little up at 2.45, DH gets in at 7. Often during my childfree hours I am 'working'. And of course there are the school holidays when I have DC all day, everyday. Hope that is ok with your guidelines about makes a person a SAHP?

OP posts:

venusandmars · 28/11/2011 10:18

Life is not a competition, you do not have to be busier than others, you do not have to have a "worthwhile" role out of the home, you do not have to be training towards a fabulous career.

You sound happy and content. What better stability could you offer your family (your dc, your dh and yourself) than that? Enjoy it.

cjbartlett · 28/11/2011 10:31

Aaaarrrgghhh

You said you think you're spoilt

Is it ok to agree?!? I thought that was the point of the thread

I also see a day at nursery as 8-6pm which is what mine did when I worked

Now I see you said it's only until 2.45pm , I apologise

mrsjay · 28/11/2011 10:32

I dont see how you are spilt really , you have alot going on and its enough for you at the moment , SAHMs arnt spoilt women imo and i dont think they are ladies of leisure either maybe some are , perhaps when your toddler is at school you will want to do something else maybe go back to work , but no your not spoilt ,

mrsjay · 28/11/2011 10:32

Spoilt * obviouly not spilt

Flip

1 2