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Original poster

ex trying to convince dd (7) there's no santa

36 replies

mum2beth · 27/11/2011 21:01

My daughter is an emotionally immature 7 yr old who desperately believes in fantasy, fairies, santa etc.
She will be staying with her father for the whole of xmas this yr for the first time. I always try and make xmas special, and do the fake snow with footprints in it, stocking and some presents from santa. I don't go over the top with gifts and she gets stuff from me as well.

He has recently decided to force on her the info that there is no santa (She didn't ask him) and tell her that the snow was fake bought from the shops etc. She has been upset and confused by this, as she (and all her friends) still believe, but she trusts her dad and so doesn't understand why he's said this.

I emailed to ask him if he would be doing any presents or anything from santa under the circumstances and was told no, because he won't lie to her (about santa) and any presents that are given she will be told who paid for them!

Am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off?

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 27/11/2011 21:04

I'd be really mad at what he's said to her. What a bloody petty killjoy Angry

bananamam · 27/11/2011 21:05

She wouldnt be staying there for Christmas if she was mine

Sticklebug · 27/11/2011 21:05

I would be really pissed off too. They are little for such a short time and believe that Santa exists - why spoil that? My DD is 10 and whilst we know that she does not really believe in FC any more, Christmas is magical with the excitement of the footprints and the fireplace disturbances! Why spoil it?

Tell him to get a life and remember what it is to be 7 and believe in magic.....

troisgarcons · 27/11/2011 21:05

Ah well, I'd just be doing the whole santa thing in my house ... and spin it off that 'daddy doesnt believe so santa doesnt visit his house ' and bluff through it.

You cant force your beliefs onto your ex's household though.

My 11yo kids me still believes (or I think he does)

hiddenhome · 27/11/2011 21:07

Tell her that Santa only visits people who believe in him and that daddy is only going to receive crappy socks from his mother as a result Grin

pranma · 27/11/2011 21:10

Tell her that santa will leave her stocking etc at your house all ready for when she comes home because daddy doesnt understand about magic-some grown-ups don't you know Grin

TheDetective · 27/11/2011 21:12

My ex did this to my DS too when he was 7. And told him what his presents where so he had no surprises on christmas day. Fucking cunt. And yes, I said that to his face.

hiddenhome · 27/11/2011 21:14

There's a website you can visit that will send a letter to your dd from Santa. I think it costs about £4.50. dh did one once for the two dcs and even my eldest who was about 11 at the time believed that it was real Smile

wifey6 · 27/11/2011 21:15

I agree with those who have said that children are only little once....keep the magic alive for them!! I would explain that as daddy doesn't believe Santa thought the stocking would be better with mummy as Santa only visits those who believe in the magic of Christmas.
My DH never had all the Christmas magic & fuss - his family do not make much of occasions...but he is so excited that I want to do that for our DS 16 months as it really give them a wonderful thing to believe in.
I can't believe he would spoil that for your DD....what a grouch!!

Original poster
mum2beth · 27/11/2011 21:15

bananamam unfortunately been through courts earlier this year so can't not send her :(
I know I can't force them too, but there are step kids at that end too so really can't understand it Confused
He just got really aggro in email back, which is parr for the course unfortunately, so I've just left it for now.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 27/11/2011 21:16

These men honestly don't do themselves any favours by doing stuff like this. What crappy, miserable memories their kids are going are going to have. They just don't get it, do they?

hiddenhome · 27/11/2011 21:19

Don't worry mum2beth children soon go off visiting such miserable, pedantic killjoys like this. These fathers who put their own needs first and try to turn parenting into a power struggle soon put their kids off visiting and the kids vote with their feet once they're old enough. I'm going through it with ds1 now.

Ripeberry · 27/11/2011 21:20

Well, if she believes then she will get nice presents. He is quite uncaring to be doing this to his own child.
If I was your child I would prefer your way of doing things at Xmas Smile

pigletmania · 27/11/2011 21:23

What a wanker, she is only a little child fgs, she will soon realise herself that he is not real in time. If he does that, I would threaten him with not having her over Christmas then. He has a choice!

hiddenhome · 27/11/2011 21:23

I wonder what exciting things he buys her for Christmas. Shoes, stationery sets? Hmm

pigletmania · 27/11/2011 21:27

Good idea, just say that as daddy does not believe in Santa he is going to leave presents at your house instead. What a miserable Christmas your dd is going to have, what a bundle of laughs your ex sounds Hmm. In fact, its the type of thing my mum would do, my late dad used to do the magic of Christmas with me, until he died when I was 11 Sad

Original poster
mum2beth · 27/11/2011 21:27

I'm confused more than anything....it'll be the first xmas she'll have woken up at his and been there the whole of xmas, I'd have thought he would have wanted to pull out all the stops to make it really special, especially as he made such a big deal out of having to have her this xmas even though she had stated she wanted this xmas at home and next year with him.

She's now said on several occassions that she doesn't want to go, and I'm left trying to big it up to her, which I must say I'm finding harder and harder :(
I always make a point of not badmouthing her dad (not that he does the same) but I'm reaching the stage of if you can't say anything nice don't say anything.....and unfortunately I'm out of diplomatic lines, so it's keep repeating the same few over and over or say nothing!

OP posts:
HowlingBitch · 27/11/2011 21:28

May I suggest whacking him a few dozen times with a large holly bush? Or purchasing some appropriate pheromones online and letting a male reindeer maul him?

I would be seething. I agree with everyone suggesting that you tell her Father Christmas only visits people who believe in him.

GingerWrath · 27/11/2011 21:31

Try this place to redress the balance, Track Santa, it'll be active on Dec 1st, also Personalised Vid

Will restore the magic!

Original poster
mum2beth · 27/11/2011 21:32

I'm planning to do the santa presents at ours thing, she has to fly to see him anyway so I'll just say santa had to bring them to our house as she couldn't fly back with them all on the plane.
Her dad never lets her bring anything he buys her home with her anyway, so probably works out better for the poor kid. Don't get me wrong, some gifts it make sense with, others it's just petty and punishing her as she won't get as much use and enjoyment out of them.

OP posts:
Original poster
mum2beth · 27/11/2011 21:39

thank you howling, you have cheered me up no end with those mental images lol Grin

thanks to everyone for the links for letters, tracking and stuff, will def do these to try and get that magic flowing again for her :)

We're doing an early xmas before she goes, with pressies from us and my family. Planning to tell her that I will do her and her brother a stocking and leave it outside her bedroom door (as obviously only santa has the stealth skills to do one at end of her bed Wink ) so it's as xmassy as poss for her.

OP posts:
snoopdogg · 27/11/2011 21:39

mum you are an absolute complete star and a brilliant mum. I've been through the whole court thing and left with situations vis a vis access I and my children would rather not have but you have to roll with it. You have completely the right attitude and I know how hard it is to maintain that positivity and support.

All I can suggest is that Father Christmas comes to your house? Either before or after. Maybe send her a letter from Santa saying that your house is the magic house so he'll be visiting her there?

MsPav · 27/11/2011 21:45

As someone who was married to a controller, it strikes me that this is about him and you rather than her. Particuliarly given the "she'll be told who paid for them"

I hear what you've said re agreements.

But, given that your wee one doesn't want to go, you might find that if she is ill, she won't be able to travel. If necessary, your GP can back this up. There might be accusations etc, but I'd rather that than sending my DC off to have a crap Christmas with a selfish, controlling man.

You won't get this Christmas back. Neither will your DC.

troisgarcons · 27/11/2011 21:49

I really wouldnt normally say this but ....she has to fly to get there?

OMG thats awful - your car broke down and you cant get to the airport .... mind you, I'd call the AA out to cover yourself/a reliable neighbour etc etc to corroborate your breakdown .....

skybluepearl · 27/11/2011 21:51

I think the only time they need to know for sure there is no santa - is just before starting secondary school when it could be quite embarracing not knowing the truth. He is a real misery guts not getting into the Xmas spirit. What a scrooge! Nothing like a bit of xmas magic.

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