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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ex trying to convince dd (7) there's no santa

36 replies

mum2beth · 27/11/2011 21:01

My daughter is an emotionally immature 7 yr old who desperately believes in fantasy, fairies, santa etc.
She will be staying with her father for the whole of xmas this yr for the first time. I always try and make xmas special, and do the fake snow with footprints in it, stocking and some presents from santa. I don't go over the top with gifts and she gets stuff from me as well.

He has recently decided to force on her the info that there is no santa (She didn't ask him) and tell her that the snow was fake bought from the shops etc. She has been upset and confused by this, as she (and all her friends) still believe, but she trusts her dad and so doesn't understand why he's said this.

I emailed to ask him if he would be doing any presents or anything from santa under the circumstances and was told no, because he won't lie to her (about santa) and any presents that are given she will be told who paid for them!

Am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off?

OP posts:

Moominsarescary · 27/11/2011 21:51

He sounds like ds1 dad, he never let ds1 bring any presents home with him either, the miserable git

vess · 27/11/2011 22:06

I don't believe her childhood will be ruined just because she's been told the truth.

Trills · 27/11/2011 22:09

I don't believe her childhood would be ruined by knowing there is no father christmas either vess. It sounds as if this is about a lot more than that though, and it won't be terribly nice for her childhood having parents who can't agree on things like this.

she trusts her dad and so doesn't understand why he's said this

Well he is telling her the truth, he's not betraying her trust in any way here.

FontSnob · 27/11/2011 22:14

He's a shit.

LineRunnerSaturnalia · 28/11/2011 01:45

So 7 year olds should always be told the truth? Any truth?

nooka · 28/11/2011 02:02

I can totally understand that this is very difficult for you but he really isn't under any obligation to carry forward your Christmas tradition. Having said that he does sound as if he is being unpleasant about it, which is miserable for your dd.

I see that you say she didn't ask her dad if Santa was real, but perhaps she was talking a lot about Santa to him, or asking if he would visit etc? My family doesn't do Santa and I would find it very irritating to have Santa stuff forced on me (especially pretending significant gifts from family are from Santa). Plus if there are other non-Santa believing children celebrating Christmas too then that might be tricky. Having said that I think he should be trying to make things easier for your dd as I imagine that she may be stressed with a first visit over Christmas.

Sounds like this is just one of many issues between you though. I hope it works out for you both, and that you are able to have a fun pre-Christmas celebration.

mummytime · 28/11/2011 02:09

My DD at 7 didn't believe, but by 8 she is doing a brilliant job of pretending (because I think she is 100% certain it isn't true, so just plays it as a game).
Personally I think snowy foot prints are OTT.

However I'd just go with the Santa won't call on Daddy if he doesn't believe/want him to, but I'm sure he'll leave something nice here for your instead. You could even write to Santa to ask that he leaves presents at your house.
Then just leave it, if he is as controlling as this he is doing himself no favours long term.

Trills · 28/11/2011 10:08

IMO telling a 7 year old that there is not Father Christmas is not that bad. If you want advice you'll have to focus on what he is doing that is actually unpleasant or manipulative or uncaring. Or tell us more so we can understand that it's the way he is doing it that is nasty.

Otherwise it sounds a little as if you are overreacting.

GypsyMoth · 28/11/2011 10:20

Irresponsible of posters suggesting op prevents contact that way!

There is a court order.... With consequences attached fgs!!

Original poster

mum2beth · 28/11/2011 20:31

Sara, I'd never stop her from going, though if when she's older she refuses to go I don't know how I'll handle it then.

Trills, actually he is a very manipulative and controlling person, but that is not what I posted about or asked advice on. I asked if others would have been as annoyed as me, and for the most part the answer appears to be yes. As for having parents who can't agree on stuff, unfortunately it take two parents who are open to this for it to work and I've tried til I'm blue in the face-as you said though, hard to judge without more info (though you still seem to have )

In terms of awkwardness if you don't believe/celebrate certain aspects: I accept this could be difficult. On the other hand, even if it would go against my own beliefs and wants I would still want her to be happy and try my utmost to facilitate that.

She has never received big/main presents from santa anyway, just a stocking with tube sweets, little toys, hair bobbles etc then a few cheaper bits and bobs really. The snow thing had started because she had a really big thing about santa and snow one year, then after that it just became a bit of a tradition, it's not like I would have expected him to do that too.

Santa will be leaving her presents here, will be going with the can't take them on the plane with her.

OP posts:

Trills · 28/11/2011 21:19

I didn't say it was your fault that the two of you disagreed, I merely said that Father Christmas was a very trivial thing compared to the bigger issues that you had hinted at.

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