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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be REALLY angry with Dp. (sorry another xmas complain)

73 replies

teenagedirtbag · 27/11/2011 20:49

Will try to keep it brief.

Every christmas since I got with Dp we go to MIL and FIL for the day. We have a lazy morning of present opening. We stop off at my parents house for an hour and Dc's open presents. Then we spend 1 till 5 at inlaws.

This year MIL retired and has never been abroad so her and FIL are going around Europe for the next 6 months. Dp was upset that they wouldn't be there xmas day , so I said I'd cook and that we can have our xmas day here. Which will be easier all round with Dc's and twins on the way. He said that this would be great , bought loads of tinsel and stuff for the house.

Tonight Dp has sat down with me and said that he has arranged for us to go to my mums house. Even though he knows I hate xmas with my parents I can't stand my mums nit-picking at everything and yelling at the kids for opening gifts to fast + the house is full anyway as my brother and his mates go there every year.
And at this point I would of said fair enough if he wanted Dc's to spend more time with them. But when I asked why he said it was so he doesn't have the whole day with just the family so he can chill out. He THEN added that he may not go with me cause it's not like I would be drinking so I can drive myself there and back.
So AIBU?
(sorry long)

OP posts:
TadlowDogIncident · 27/11/2011 21:05

Not funny if you have to live with it though - is this a one-off moment of lunacy or is he normally like this?

thisisyesterday · 27/11/2011 21:06

angry?
that's actually really, really, really sad.
i'd be incredibly hurt and upset if my DP didn't want to spend christmas with me and the children :(

Groovee · 27/11/2011 21:09

Your DP's given me an idea... my parents are in Oz at my halfsisters. I could dispatch dh and the kids to MIL's and sit with my feet up Grin

irnbruguzzler · 27/11/2011 21:13

He doesn't want to spend Xmas with his dcs!!! Wtf!!!

OhCobblers · 27/11/2011 21:15

thisisyesterday i agree - i would be desperately upset and hurt if that was me too, but its that fact that he has gone ahead an made arrangements with her mother knowing full well that she doesn't even like going on there on Xmas day, let alone the fact he's more than happy for her to drive there and back (though we dont' know how far away the mother is), etc, that has made me so angry, but then i don't have the emotional attachment but god yes it would hurt desperately ...

DoingTheBestICan · 27/11/2011 21:15

And what reason has he given you that he doesnt want to spend Christmas day with his family?

I would so kick his arse into shape.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/11/2011 21:15

It is sad. Poor you. Does he normally make plans without discussion?

flyingspaghettimonster · 27/11/2011 21:17

Wow - he is twat of the highest order of twattishness. He should get a medal or something for such a deeply insensitive, rude, hurtful thing to do.

Tell him you have arranged for HIM to go to your parents for Christmas while you have your day at home with the kids, he can drive himself back since he'll only be having the one sherry while he helps his MIL iron the napkins...

Original poster
teenagedirtbag · 27/11/2011 21:21

Thanks :)
I've told him he can go to my mums without us and if he wants to 'chill' he can go to his family home and stay there.
He is now in his shed wondering how he can make this better

OP posts:
OnlyForMe · 27/11/2011 21:21

Errr no YANBU

At risk of repeating hwat has being said before, it's not on at all. He is being very selfish and I would serioulsy question his attitude re family and whether he actually wants a family.
Especially as you say you are pg with twins!

:(:(

OnlyForMe · 27/11/2011 21:22

x post

Is he usually planning things like this wo talking to you?

wonkylegs · 27/11/2011 21:22

I have just read this to DH (I have a similar loathing of a full day of Xmas with my mum) and he has just looked at me in horror and asked if your DP has a death wish.

BluddyMoFo · 27/11/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 27/11/2011 21:24

I'd tell the selfish control freak to go fuck himself. What the fucking hell is wrong with him?! Angry

RealityIsADistantMemory · 27/11/2011 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 27/11/2011 21:28

I have to ask... is your cooking really THAT bad? Grin

BalloonSlayer · 27/11/2011 21:28

OK OK

Two options:

  1. He thought teenagedirtbag loves spending time with my parents on Christmas Day. WTF? She MUST have preferred to spend time with her parents but spent time with mine because she is being nice. I think her Mum is a PITA, but that's mothers in law for you, she probably thinks the same about mine. Therefore if I arrange for her to spend Christmas with HER Mum, it'll be what she has always wanted all along. No one will miss me if I don't go, and I'll get a bit of a break too. What a fab husband I am!
  1. He is a twat.

(Seriously, he may see no distinction between his lovely Mum and your "strain" Mum and genuinely think he is doing you a favour, and that his "strained" feelings towards your Mum are exclusive to him. Yes, even if you have told him 100 times.)

purplepidjin · 27/11/2011 21:37

"He is now in his shed wondering how he can make this better"

I suggest it involves spending some quality time with his children while you do something you enjoy but don't normally get time to!

fastweb · 27/11/2011 21:40

"He is now in his shed wondering how he can make this better"

A shed with one of those outside locks ?

Cos if he "vants to be alone..." and all that jazz.

thisisyesterday · 27/11/2011 21:43

i was going to say the same as bluddymofo too

even if you do persuade him that you all stay at home, and even if he does think of a way to "make it better" deep down you will still know that he would have preferred it if you weren't there.

it's just... it's not nice is it?

carernotasaint · 27/11/2011 21:44

is he one of those blokes that doesnt like Christmas. (THis is NO FUCKING excuse for this ludicrous selfish stupid behaviour lm just making my stance on this clear) the reason i ask is because my DH hates xmas (not the day itself as such but the run up to it and the pushing and shoving and lack of manners from some xmas shoppers. He says people have forgotten what xmas is about and finds it depressing. It has a knock on effect too because he turns into Victor Meldrew and walks around miserable and morose from the last half of November right up till xmas day and i get extremely fed up with it.
However we dont have children. The OPs DP surely must have fucking well known that with children you have to put the effort in and that includes at Christmas. FFS. He cant just take time off from being a partner and father just because he fancies pretending hes a single bloke on xmas day getting pissed and watching what he wants on TV. Arsehole.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 27/11/2011 21:47

What a weird bloke?? There really is no other explaination. What man wants to spend Christmas Day alone while he sends his wife and children off somewhere else?

Is he a happy chap, or could there be something deeper? I would seriously wuestion my DHs motives if he tried to farm me and DCs out for Christmas Day while he did nothing.

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 27/11/2011 21:48

question not wuestion Blush

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/11/2011 21:51

YABU. Your DH has planned a lovely, stress free Xmas day for himself and now you want to ruin it by being there with the DCs. How mean are you? It's not like he hasn't thought of you. You and DCs can spend the day being berated for simply being yourselves somewhere else.

I' love to know how he thinks he can make this up to you OP.

MrsMuddyPuddles · 27/11/2011 21:53

To add to BalloonSlayer's list:

  1. There's another person he wants to see on Christmas and doesn't want the family around for that visit. (I'm not usually such a suspicious cow but... something is very odd here.)
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