To be glad that I didn't have my children until I was a proper grown up and therefore..

[seeker]

...able to distinguish between real and imagined slights, between intentional unkindness and thoughtlessness and between difference of approach and deliberate "enemy action".

jesus seeker, thats bit deep for this time in the morning

dont really get it either, think it all depends on your mood and how much sleep you've had!

I get it.
But I don't think it is in any way related to the chronological age of the parent, more the level of emotional maturity.

That'w why I didn't mention chronological age. I know grown ups who are 21, and 50 year olds who aren't!

some people would have to wait beyond the menopause for proper grown-upness to set in

Uanbu.
I like the way you've described it. I remember when Ds was tiny my neurosis was crippling at times until I got my groove and hit that wonderful point in life when you think

I am me, I really don't have to be anyone else

Life got better from that moment on even when times were terrible. And certainly I was a much more confident mother to dd as I had the confidence in myself to decide what to take and what to leave from other people's opinions.

Maybe I need to grow up? Another mother told me the other day that my baby was fat because I was mix feeding him and I should exclusively breast feed till he is at least a year. He is 9 months. I honestly couldn't tell whether I should take offence or not.

It also upset me when a friend told me I was making my baby spoilt by not leaving him to cry it out and that she thought I was crazy to go to him.

Maybe i'm too sensitive but I guess that's only twice in nine months that i've taken offence.

Quoi?

possum - it's the difference between the real and the imagined slights. Seeker isn't saying that there are no slights at all. But thinking about it your answer is a pretty good example.

Oh and Seeker I agree but like Reality I do like to get my blood pressure going from time to time.

I don't think it's an age thing - I swear my mother is getting worse. She can't leave the house without someone saying or doing something that gets her back up.

YANBU.

I think having a child makes you grow up. It certainly did for me. Who I was two years ago is almost entire opposite of who I am now. Not just as a mother, but as a person. And I know who I prefer!

GinSlinger But I can't work out if they were real slights or just differences in opinion!

I just realised saying 'maybe I need to grow up?' looked like I was taking offence to the thread, which I'm not at all. It was a genuine pondering that maybe I do need to grow up/ harden up/ not be so sensitive in these situations!

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

HTH

I think its the other way round it seems to me that a lot of older mothers fret about a big load of irrelevant bollocks.I think when you are younger in general you go on instinct ad older mums go on books, and the guardian/daily mail, and worrying what all the other mums said/did. Young mums dont have weird names for things either like baby wearing, baby led weaing or whatever else they just do it.

Oooh, is this a thread about a thread? Do spill....

Some people never really grow up though. I sometimes say on here "when I'm a grown-up...". I like larking about and dancing around with the children and being silly. Definitely not a grown up! I find people who are grown-ups eg at work a bit dull - not being mean but talking about golf and holidays and things very earnestly while I'd rather be off giggling in a corner with some other non grown-ups!

Wish I was a proper grown up, but I fear if I had waited I would never of had my dc.

possum I think twice in nine months is fine - I know people who see slights about 100 times a day

I have to say that as a parent I have found things incredibly hard with PND and anti-depressants and things. It has been the worst time. And I wonder if that is in part due to being so totally independent beforehand with good job, plenty of money, own place, going out all the time and being footloose and fancy free. I have heard some people say that if you are younger it can be easier as you are not so "set in your ways" and used to freedom IYSWIM

surely it is a slight if it is said with intention to be a slight?

If the person is just being thoughtless/tactless its not a slight and you should just shrug it off.

The adult thing is being able to tell the difference. My problem is that I cannot tell when it is intended to be a slight and just shrug everything off as thoughtlessness. Sometimes I really should stand and fight.