AIBU is is DH being awful?

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

I have lost about 1 stone in the last month....I put on a lot after DD2 and have decided to get it off. I used to be a size 8 to 10 and when I began dieting I had gone into a 14-16....I am now into a 12 to 14...12 on the top and 14 on the bottom as I am pear shaped...DH keeps saying things....today he said "Oh you have lost some...now just keep off the biscuits and crisps and you won't put it all back on."

He also said "You have lost it off your upper body....you should come to the gym and get it off your hips." (he is a total gym freak and goes about 4 times a week)

He also laughed at the dress I was wearing. He said "What IS that dress?"

Its a perfectly nice dress btw....just a tunic that I sometimes wear with opaque tights for school run or shopping...nothing odd or unusual about it.

I make him sound awful don;t I but he says he's just trying to support me....& the dress comment was because it looked "odd" at the angle I was standing....I stood on the bed to reach something and he was lying on it after a night shift....

the thing is that I was Anorexic in my late teens and early twenties and so my relationship with food is dodgy....he knows this....I have been carefully managing my weight loss by eating small regular meals and doing exta walking and cycling...he knows I hate the gym and would be far to shy to go there...I'm clumsy and can't bear the thought of fatting around on that equipment.

WHy does he keep urging me to carry on in such a negative way? IS he comaring me to women he sees at the gym? Or am I being totally oversensitive because of my eating disorder....I have now eaten 2 caramel shortbread suares in a temper...and they have 170 cals each!

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Blimey he's a charmer!!

No it's not in your head he's going about this all the wrong way. Does he tell you you're beautiful, pay you compliments?

i have told my dh to tell me more often what he thinks about how i look, who else is? but if you haven't asked him too then your dh is being a bit insensitive. if you don't want to hear it then tell him how he's making you feel "i know you're trying to help but you're actually giving my self confidence a real bashing when i've worked so hard to get to were i am right now"

i ate a whole box of mini caramel shortbreads in 2 days last week and am now twitching because there are non left and i walked past them in the shop earlier.

I think he's being a twat .
Maybe he's afraid that your going to run off with someone else because your looking good ? . Either way I think your dh is very insecure and his bitchiness is all about him.

Well done on losing weight , it's hard going but you've done really well and it will make a big difference to your health .

Btw tunic dresses are fab , I love them and have loads cause everyone looks great in them and they are just so easy to wear .

Every time your dh is a twat , I think you should treat yourself to something nice. .

He does Curious that's the thing. I think he thinks of fitness and diet as "his" subject....so he's maybe trying in a heavy handed wa to help me.

I can see what you mean about his clumsy attempts at supporting you with his comments about what you're eating, but the dig at your clothes is different.

I would have thought making you feel fantastic about the stone you've lost (bloody well done there! ) is a much nicer and more productive way to encourage you than making negative digs about what you're wearing.

He must be trying to guilt you into carrying on, which by the sounds of it he really doesn't need to as you're doing really well.

What does he say when you tell him to fuck off his comments hurt?

I used to be annorexic as a teen and it's really hard not to take throw away comments to heart. However, you have to be kind to yourself and I'm sure he just is trying to help. This is coming from someone who has been known to fly off at a comment my dp made about me eating all the ham once. If you haven't experienced the illness it's v hard to understand how painful these comments can be, but it's for you both to work on.

Men don't realise how a simple sentence like 'are you going to eat all that cake' can be interperated as 'you fat cow, do you have no will power! You don't deserve tbat'

Sorry forgot to say well done for weight loss

You're going to have to be firm with him, look him straight in the eye and repeat what he's said. So the dress thing would be, 'You're saying I look odd in this dress, why is that exactly?' Do you comment on his clothes?

I think you need to give him something to read (probably wouldn't read it if he's anything like my dh) or some information on eating disorders, how difficult it is to stay within a healthy mind-frame and how dangerous they can be, as well as passing on any of those issues to dcs. I thought I was really good at shielding my dd from my body issues until one day she didn't want to wear a dress because it made her tummy look big (4years).I was so mortified and horrified and have gone to great lenghts to address that, and I've never really had an eating disorder.

I really think you need to get on top of this problem and sort him out, it's really important that you feel good about yourself but on your own terms, not anyone else's.

Agent when I told him to fuck off be more sensitive he says he ddn't mean any harm....and that he said blah de blah yesterday which was nice or whatever...

That's it skinny I cant BEAR any comments about me eating...it's not that long ago I could no eat ONE thing in front of anyone....I used to eat in private....I likened eating to shitting...."it's just like shitting only you're pushing it in not out" was what I thought.

I also have two DDS and worry about them....I go o grat lenghts to talk positively about food and to stay chilled about it all....now I feel so sick. I am also in tears as I had hoped it was me being a wimp about it all ratherthan DH being mean.

YANBU but you know that anyway don't you?
not quite the same but last night things were total chaos a bit hectic so I told dh I would miss aqua zumba he said 'any excuse' I lost it and reminded him that he never exercises himself and to mind his own business which is what the dhs need to do

Mumbling on the positive side maybe he's not being mean maybe he's just misguided and ignorant of how much this hurts you. You need to let him know that. He needs to know how serious this issue is and not just about 'looking good'. Maybe he thinks that if you finally have the body you want you will be happy. If only it were that simple right?

You're doing so well to stay a healthy weight and eat a good diet. You've lost the baby weight, now don't get carried away. Mind over matter. Take control of this situation (rather than taking control of your food intake because you feel you're loosing control of other things) scrub yourself down and come out fighting.

Chin up, your daughters will be fine - just by posting this you are showing that you are aware of all the issues in hand therefore able to deal with them.

I haven't lost the baby weight justonemore I was a size 8 before DC.

Also he knows I dont have the body I want....he knows I want to be an 8to10

I've never had an eating disorder either, but my confidence would be dented if anyone was making negative or guilt inducing comments like his.

I would tell him every time he says something how it makes you feel, if he loves you and has your best interests in his head when he's saying them it's possible he genuinely doesn't realise their impact.

Leave him in no doubt

I've kept from saying things to DH because when I've turned it round and thought about how him saying it to me would make me feel, I've realised how unreasonable it would be.

His thoughts are his own, but he should be considerate and thoughtful about what he chooses comes out of his gob.

He's probably just being a bloke. DH would say all of those comments to me, not to be hurtful but because at times he is a moron and wouldn't think it was hurtful. He has the skin of a rhino and if I told him he was a fat ugly pig who would never get another shag it would be water off a duck's back.

I think you're reading a bit much into it tbh.

Ok, so you have a goal in mind of what size you want to be, but he's definitely going about it the wrong way in supporting you, so you still need to get that straight!
At least tell him how this makes you feel, why, worst case scenario of how this could all end up (scare him a bit - usually scare tactics work), you are not making excuses for yourself, you know what you're doing because you're an adult, and maybe could he bite his tongue a bit more.

Going offline now!

He'd be insensitive even without your history, but given that he knows about the anorexia he's an inconsiderate twat. IMO.

Well done on handling the weight loss sensibly, sounds like its going great :)

I'm wondering if he's got used to being the 'fit' one and now feels threatened? (yes, some adults really are that immature)

I think it's because he's never seen me when I was really thin....he can't envisage it justone I might look for some literature on ths. Thanks everyone I do feel better.

Think he's suffering from "No Thinky Man Speak" Mumbling, as mine does on occasion.

But due to your relationship battle with food he should be a bit less of a clod.

Will tell you a little story to maybe bring a smile.

A few months ago DP and I were on holiday. I had piled on the pounds so was feeling particularly sensitive having to strip off and don a swimsuit every day (supposedly magic one by M&S by the way)

One evening we were chatting on the balcony and a very thin woman walked passed, I said to DP - would you find her attractive? He said, no, most men like a slimish inbetweeny. Then turned to me and said "Not quite like you"... WELL!

Needless to say that his ears were bright red and ringing by the end of the evening

Now I'm 18lbs lighter and feel so much better, I still have wobbly bits but thats fine.

Looking back, yes, he was an insensitive twit but I was also ultra-sensitive about my weight

he sounds a total twat twit.

Have you spoken to a doctor about whether it's wise for an ex anorexic to try to lose weight?

The first thing I thought was that he is trying to dent your confidence because he feels that as you are losing weight your self-confidence will increase. Could there be any reason for him to do this? Is he generally unsupportive? He is being very rude imo.

I do not get why women have relationships with men who insult their bodies. I'd also, however, be concerned about an ex-anorexic losing a stone in a month (you're supposed to lose 2lb a week max, IF you are actually overweight- go to your GP ffs!). So I think both of you are being unreasonable, and I hope neither of you are passing on your fat-phobic shallow attitudes to womens' appearance to your children, though you probably are sadly.

So I think both of you are being unreasonable, and I hope neither of you are passing on your fat-phobic shallow attitudes to womens' appearance to your children, though you probably are sadly.

Blimey, that was a bit harsh

The way I see it is he's a bit insensitive and the OP is ultra sensitive due to her disorder. There's bound to be a bit of a clash.

Wibbly you talk like an ignorant twat...which you probbably are so keep your issues to yourself.