AIBU is is DH being awful?

[MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll]

I have lost about 1 stone in the last month....I put on a lot after DD2 and have decided to get it off. I used to be a size 8 to 10 and when I began dieting I had gone into a 14-16....I am now into a 12 to 14...12 on the top and 14 on the bottom as I am pear shaped...DH keeps saying things....today he said "Oh you have lost some...now just keep off the biscuits and crisps and you won't put it all back on."

He also said "You have lost it off your upper body....you should come to the gym and get it off your hips." (he is a total gym freak and goes about 4 times a week)

He also laughed at the dress I was wearing. He said "What IS that dress?"

Its a perfectly nice dress btw....just a tunic that I sometimes wear with opaque tights for school run or shopping...nothing odd or unusual about it.

I make him sound awful don;t I but he says he's just trying to support me....& the dress comment was because it looked "odd" at the angle I was standing....I stood on the bed to reach something and he was lying on it after a night shift....

the thing is that I was Anorexic in my late teens and early twenties and so my relationship with food is dodgy....he knows this....I have been carefully managing my weight loss by eating small regular meals and doing exta walking and cycling...he knows I hate the gym and would be far to shy to go there...I'm clumsy and can't bear the thought of fatting around on that equipment.

WHy does he keep urging me to carry on in such a negative way? IS he comaring me to women he sees at the gym? Or am I being totally oversensitive because of my eating disorder....I have now eaten 2 caramel shortbread suares in a temper...and they have 170 cals each!

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Hello

I think your DH is going about this is the wrong way, but perhaps through the right motives. I agree that wibbly sounds ignorant.

You were an anorexic once, many of us were. You were a size eight to ten and you'd like to get back there but healthily. I don't know if that is a heathy size/weight for you but as you are clearly self aware have the confidence in yourself.

try not to worry about the carameal shortbread or your dh.

I am in a similar position to you, I have lost nearly a stone in 4 weeks, have totally over hauled my eating habits and I exercise more. So I don't think it is excessive weight loss especially if your like me and have the weight to lose

I think you DH is going about it the wrong way, my DH is nothing but complimentary and tells me how well I am doing, but only because I have told him that when he says things about my weight/what I eat it makes me hurt. I was getting to the point of not wanting to eat with other people because I thought they would think me huge and greedy.

Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Ex anorexic or not when you're not happy with your body every tiny little remark is taken to heart and makes you feel horrible about yourself.

The last thing I would say is give yourself a break, you are doing fantastically. I refuse to feel guilty for eating something that is bad for me every once in a while. I don't drink alcohol, eat crisps, drink fizzy pop or eat chocolate except occasionally but this for me isn't a diet it is a life style change and therefore it has to be realistic and achievable for the rest of my days. I will on special occasions have a drink or eat chocolate when I want to and not feel like I have failed because I haven't and neither have you.

I think that he needs to be told that if he hasn't got anything nice to say, then he should not say anything at all. It's a pretty fail-safe way to operate

Tell him, furthermore, that you do not want him to make any suggestions, however well-meant, unless you specifically ask for them.

It's a bit rich for you to be calling the OP for passing on her attitude to her children when you talk like that in your post Wibbly.

I hope you're not passing it on to your children, if you have any.

'you probably are sadly'.

Or maybe you're one of those people who pride themselves on being straight talking?

Thanks for the support people...like Rude I haven't starved myself at all, but spent a lot of time constructing meals that were filling and small....and low in fat....that along with excersize dropped the stone but I suspect the last bit might be harder to move. I have a fast metabolism but really was eating a tonne of crap....large family bars of choc and crisps almost nightly along with pastries for breakfast and full fat lattes all day...its surpriing I wasn't the size of a small continent...but that's why it came off fast

I have talked to DH and he has said he is sorry...he really did think the dress was odd...it has a pattern down one side and he felt that in the past he's always given me his thoughts on fashion and in his opinion it didn't flatter me......if he had not commented about my weight I wouldn't even have batted an eyelid.

He was trying to help me he says by boosting me on...he knows better now!

WibblyBibble being anorexic is not a 'fat phobic shallow attitude'. Just needed to put that straight. I haven't suffered from an eating disorder but have been close to people who have, it is painful to watch someone you love do that to themselves and sad to see there is still so much ignorance about it.

Mumbling hopefully there is no more to it than that. I do agree with some other posters that there could be an element of feeling threatened, some men can become scared about an underconfident partner suddenly looking and feeling better and more confident.

But please don't get carried away with all the dieting. You are obviously self aware now but it is amazing how much we are able to kid ourselves that we've got everything under control.

Don't mean to be negative though, glad you've talked to dh and good luck!