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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To uninvited friend whose dd has nits?

38 replies

MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:00

2 friends coming for sat playdate. In conversation today she said her daughter has nits again. I mentioned to other friend as a warning and she say I should uninvited her and that she wouldn't have a known case of nits in her house.

I don't think I can do it but feel a bit worried as I have 4 kids myself under 6 and have enough on my plate without delousing kids in run up to Christmas. Help!

OP posts:
vixsatis · 24/11/2011 18:05

To disinvite a child because it has nits would be really horrible! I suggest that you spray all yours with deterrent spray before she comes then wash with anti nit and comb that evening

jeee · 24/11/2011 18:06

If she knows her DD has nits now, I'd expect her to have treated her DD before Saturday. I always treat my children the evening I discover the critters. She's more likely to be nit-free than most children.

I wouldn't do this myself, but I don't actually think it's unreasonable to ask if the girl has been treated. It would stop you worrying.

thatboysmum · 24/11/2011 18:07

I don't think you would be unreasonable. Yes your children are quite likely to pick them up at some point but you don't have to willingly let them in so as not to offend some one else. Obviously don't be rude about it or make her feel like a leper but she should be able to understand your point without taking offence. I personally wouldn't take my DS to someone else's house before treating and getting rid of them first anyway.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:09

She's not good at treating hence they keep coming back.

I'd been told the deterrent stuff didn't really work but may get some. Is a pita to have to treat mine on sat night as dh and I are out for party.

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 24/11/2011 18:10

Some kids pick up nits really easily and so I wouldn't want to have them in my house, if I had any choice. Can you ask her if it's cleared up - maybe say that you don't want to risk your dc getting them as their skin is affected by the solution. It's a little lie, but gives you a slightly more tactful way of checking they are gone before the visit or postponing.

Dirtydishesmakemesad · 24/11/2011 18:11

I dont think you are being unreasonable i have 4 young children and when they got nits last year it was awful, i tried the combing and washing first before giving up on being gentle and covering them in chemicals which finally got rid of them although it wasnt cheap. I would avoid them at all costs!.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:13

Feckity feck she will take offence. She knows mine have never had them so can't use little white lie. I know kid will still have them as she can't seem to get rid ie not treating properly.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:14

Dirty -yeah it is expensive as I don't have mobs sprays etc. Feel pissed that I would have to spend much needed cash in run up to Xmas on it when she should deal with her dd.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/11/2011 18:15

Just ask her if she's definitely treated them

Obviously you'll be checking your kids for nits a couple of times a week anyway so I can't see it making too much difference as long as they've been treated before Saturday

calypso2008 · 24/11/2011 18:15

I would most definitely dis-invite (kindly) and have recently cancelled a playdate as the children we were going to see had nits (it didn't occur to me that I was being rude - just common sense surely and nobody seemed offended)
I have also had someone cancel coming to mine becsuse their children had nits and they said 'they wouldn't wish it on anyone'. Again, no offence taken. You really don't want to invite nits into your life if you can help it!

BluddyMoFo · 24/11/2011 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zookeeper · 24/11/2011 18:17

That seems terribly precious to me. Nits are a part of life.

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:21

Calypso what way did you put it? I see see a way that won't cause her offence! V easily offended. Also our other friend is coming and she will feel left out. And if I ask has she treated she will say yes but I know she doesn't as they keep coming back so I can't then say yes you treated and still cancel.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/11/2011 18:23

So are you going to ban your children from playing with hers forever?

I can't see a way forward here

shemademedoit · 24/11/2011 18:23

I'm too much of a wimp to disinvite.... I'd put her off the day before with a 24hr tummy bug.... ( yes, I am a big fat liar)

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:25

Oh no not ban and my dd and hers in same class anyway. Didn't think of uninvite till other friend said she may not come as doesn't want her dd to get them. Puts me in a pickle. Also my twins are only 2 and can't bear the thought of them catching them!

OP posts:
Iwasagnome · 24/11/2011 18:25

Ask her to get the child to wear a shower hat whilst at yours!

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:27

Gnome I seriously wondered could I ask her to put a hat on him!
I will be hiding all the hats and helmets here!! He keeps hugging the twins!!

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 24/11/2011 18:30

Can you invent an illness and cancel, but rearrange another time with the friend whose dc don't have nits.

When I was a cm, there was a kid at dc school who constantly had them and kept giving them to my ds. It cost me a fortune in treatment and was not at all good for my business. It's a total pita and very expensive to treat the whole family. She is probably not treating the whole family, which is why her dc still has them, but it's rude imo to just blithely impose this on other people. Very selfish.

calypso2008 · 24/11/2011 18:33

I just said I am sorry but I can't come as I am am too worried about DD getting the nits and then I said that I also didn't want to get them (have long hair which is in terrible condition since having DD and don't want to start putting chemicals on it). She was not offended in the least and I am happy to say nits are not a part of my life (!) and she and her children still are.

I see your worry though - as another friend is coming. I hadn't thought of that. I think I would now go with what shemademedoit says and come up with tummy bug. To both of them - believe it is true and you won't feel bad. You really can't risk 2yr old twins and 2 other children with this plus the other friends children - it will be a nightmare for you and is avoidable.

YADDDNBU to dis-invite IMHO

WorraLiberty · 24/11/2011 18:33

Well if the mother never treats them properly and you're sure they'll have nits...yet your children have never had nits despite being close to the other child, is there any reason to uninvite her?

I mean if they're going to be playing together at school anyway?

Original poster
MummyAnnabella · 24/11/2011 18:34

Can't cancel as really need to have other friend and she knows so would know it was a lie! I don't know what she's doing wrong but don't think I can phone back with a lecture on how to treat as I've never had them here. Am too much of a wimp to cancel so just have to cross fingers and watch her dd like a hawk!!

OP posts:
calypso2008 · 24/11/2011 18:36

yy karmabeliever 'tis rude and very selfish to impose nits on anyone if you know you have them, I totally agree.

calypso2008 · 24/11/2011 18:39

cover your children in tea tree oil - it really works to prevernt them hopping on board (can you tell I really hate nits?!) my sister has been a teacher for 20 years and this is what she does, she has never caught nits despite being in really close contact with children who were infested (in one particular school she taught at)

Eglu · 24/11/2011 18:45

I agree that you shouldn't have to disinvite her, she should cancel.

Agree with tea tree oil and hairspray

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