To uninvited friend whose dd has nits?

[MummyAnnabella]

2 friends coming for sat playdate. In conversation today she said her daughter has nits again. I mentioned to other friend as a warning and she say I should uninvited her and that she wouldn't have a known case of nits in her house.

I don't think I can do it but feel a bit worried as I have 4 kids myself under 6 and have enough on my plate without delousing kids in run up to Christmas. Help!

She could cancel but it sounds like she definately won't.

I would uninvite, defiantely. If you tell a white lie to get out of it and she finds out, she will know she has made her dd miss out on something because she can't be bothered to treat her properly. If you tell her the truth, she will be offended, but that's a good thing. She needs something to give her a wake up call and a kick up the butt!

Oil and hairspray will probably work, but I wouldn't want my head covered in a disgusting mixture of oil and hairspray, so why should your dd? And what about your little ones? You wouldn't want to cover them in hairspray any more than you would want to delouse them.

Sorry if that sounded like a dig at people who have said you should do those things, I didn't mean to sound so harsh!

My frustration is totally aimed at parents that put people in this position.

This is a really off thing to say, what can you say in response? (well, I would have said, oh best not bring her over then).

I hate people who are helpless in the face of nits, everyone else then has to deal with their crapness.

I would not send an untreated child round for nits, or round with D & V or with worms. It's not rocket science and I feel sorry she's put you in this position.

Thank you all for being so understanding I really did think it would BU to uninvited. Wish I had had presence of mind to say something earlier. I really can't do tummy bug thing as other friend knows re nits and will know I'm lying an it's not fair to her dd to cancel.

Thinking of a text re just checking your dds nits are gone but how to phrase it?? She really is v easily offended!!

In response to above she is in same class so in contact bu my other 3 aren't and my friends aren't.

Really do agree she should have cancelled. I just can't uninvite someone to my home.

OP can you just text and say something like, 'I've been thinking about Sat and am quite worried about the twins. Are you sure X's nits will be gone by then?'

This not disinviting her but she'd have to have the hide of a rhino to turn up with an undeloused kid after that, imo.

Me again!
I would say something along the lines of 'just checking 'dcxyz' is nit free - should we maybe postpone until next week if not? We all so looking forward to seeing you but am really anxious to not have to use chemicals on the twins' which is so totally reasonable and the honest and straightforward truth.
Ironic that she is easily offended but does seem to have a rather thick skin when it comes to others! Love that you are considering her feelings and she is not considering yours in the slightest!
My DD is 3 now and fine when I wash her hair but at 2 she was so upset at hairwash. 2 year old twins - surely this woman will understand?

Seriously, if MY DDs had nits I would uninvite them myself!!

Please don't take this on yourself. It's actually rude and BU of her not to offer to cancel.

Sometimes I think some people subconsciously think "if I've got to suffer nits/snotty streaming cold/D&V with my LO then you can jolly well have some too". What other reason is there?!

it's not rude in the slightest to uninvite them. if she's easily offended then fine - just let her be. She's entitled to have a hissy fit, you're entitled to ignore it. Don't pander to or refer to any mood on her part, just pretend everything is as normal and she will soon feel silly

I would say "Hon, hope you don't mind but can we reschedule Saturday? I would love to see you and DD but just can't cope at the moment if my 4 end up getting nits.. just so short of time and a bit frazzled to be honest .

DO IT! Do it now while you feel brave.

if she's a friend she will TOTALLY understand.

and don't ask if X's nits have gone. She'll say Yes, definitely, whether they have or not. If your 4 DCs get nits I bet you won't say anything to her about it directly and I bet she knows you won't, too.

Sounds like she's got your number.

I would def just uninvite her full stop. Don't apologise. if your 4 get nits because you were too polite to put her off they won't be best pleased and nor will you if you get them too!

There'll be other playdate opportunities, will there not?

I wouldn't cancel. Just get a spray bottle, fill with water and add a few drops of tea tree oil. Tie your kids hair back and spray. I got this tip from dd's nursery teacher and she hasn't had nits in 15 years of working in nurseries. It would be a good idea to do this before school too as you know nits are about (and they pretty much always are in every school).
Having said all that I do think your friend is bu to put you in this position and should have postponed herself.
If you do want to text her how about something like "how is dd? Just wondering if you were still coming on xx what with you saying she had headlice? Would next week be better? Hope you're all otherwise well".

Brigadier she has hide of rhino!
Calypso you have her measure! She's so direct with others but you can't say anything to her! She is really nice though:)
Sleepy I think I may be able to summon up courage only her and her dh will be at same do on sat night and I can't risk her being pissed off with me then. Also if other friend wasn't coming I might but she hates to miss out and would be annoyed I went ahead without her.

Oh I am getting so stressed out here as my kid do hate hair washing and I feel like I'm not protecting them due to my pathetic refusal to speak to her!!
Also OMG feel sick that I could get them!! Can you see me at friends 40th on sat scatching?!

If your friend uses the bug busting technique then her kids will be unable to pass their nits on. If not then ask her not to visit as it's just ignorant , uneccessary and antisocial to knowingly pass them. I absolutely cannot understand why some people find this OK.

I don't it is rude at all to ask to reschedule. I wouldn't have any qualms about this. I'd also cancel going to a friends house if they or their dc had something contagious (excepting colds that you can't really avoid unless you never go out) and would expect them to cancel if they were coming to mine, or at least give me the option! Its YOUR house ffs!

If you are not happy with this situation (and you clearly aren't happy given your posts and that the thought of it is making you feel sick ffs ) then you need to tell her you'd prefer to reschedule and say something along the lines of 'at least we'll still be able to catch up on Sat nighyt - hope we can sort something out with your dd soon'

Would definitely reschedule. It's one thing to take your chances at the school or whatever but walking voluntarily into a nit fest is different.