Re: SIL and eBay?

[KateShmate]

Before I start, love SIL to bits - have a brilliant relationship and have always got on really well - our DC's are similar in ages and we parent in similar ways too. But anyway..
Quite a while ago SIL was selling something on eBay and the bidding was really low, despite being expensive item, so asked me to bid it up for her - was more than happy to, and she gave me her eBay ID..
A couple of weeks ago was her DD's 4th birthday and she said that she'd bought this brilliant toy off ebay from abroad that my own nearly-4YO DD would love.. she mentioned no more about it. Was struggling for DD's birthday so looked on SIL's ebay profile and tried to find said toy - found it and got one etc.. Anyway was just being nosy and looking through SIL's items and noticed that most things that our-side-of-family had bought for her DD's birthday, were now for sale on eBay..
I know I shouldnt have been that nosy, but has annoyed me a bit. Always spend a lot on her DC's for birthdays (on gifts I know that they will love! or that shes told me they are into TS3, barbie etc) yet the toys are being sold. My mum spent quite a lot on SIL's DD for birthday (despite having no money) yet all the lovely toys are on there too, as are toys of other DC's from previous birthdays or xmas.
I guess I would understand if her DC werent into the toys at all, but they were all character things that she asked us to buy; and she knows our mum cant afford much.
Also, they are quite well off so is not like the need the money at all? Brother seems to like all the presents we get (inc clothes) as does SIL, but then a few days later is all on eBay.
Isnt an 'issue' between us all, and would be tempted not to bring it up as SIL is so lovely, but has just annoyed us quite a bit.
WWYD?
Sorry for rant!

I think you should bring it up, otherwise it'll fester and your poor DNs won't get the gifts you wanted to give them.

How about "SIL, I hope you don't mind, but I was on ebay and was looking at your items for sale, I realised you've sold a lot of the gifts we got for your DCs straight away, unplayed with. If they didn't like them, we kept the recipts, and would have been happy to take them back and exchange them, or could you be more specific in your list so that this doesn't happen at Christmas?"

Make sure you are aware she is doing this, might make her think twice at Christmas. And also take tags off things and get them out of the boxes at Christmas straight away!

I would give gift cards instead, that way you will know that she cannot flog things that your bought her dc on e bay.

I would have to raise this with either her or my brother. You are resentful about it, and rightly so imo, and it's just simmering under the surface of your relationship, so best to deal with it. It's rude and disrespectful to you and your mum and I think it is like theft - she is getting you to finance her life.

She is also stealing from her own kids. Fair enough to sell something that they don't like, or a duplicate and buy the kids something else instead, but to sell their brand new presents before they've even had a chance to see if they like them, implies that she is not selling them in order to get something 'better' for the dc.

Have to say that she doesn't sound 'lovely' to me.

Alternatively, buy her kids presents from ebay. They might actually get to keep them as she won't get much money from reselling.

OhdearNigel Thank you :)

It most annoyed me because I know that my DN loves Toy Story so I spent ages tracking down this rare-ish ToyStory toy that I knew she would love and that she definitely wouldn't have etc.. its not like I just got something random and put no thought in it.

For DN's birthday a few months back I got him some activity bits (which I know went on ebay, but didnt at the time) so I innocently asked whether he'd done them yet.. SIL just rushed around saying 'oooh Yes, he loved them - think they're in his bedroom so will go and get them in a minute', or will just make a joke and say 'Oh god, who knows where it is - you know what theyre like!'
Thank you again for that :)

Lydia I know that some stuff had got the tags off and werent in boxes, she simply put BNWT (Buy new without tags) on the eBay listing..

Well, she could just buy something with the gift cards and then sell that on ebay.

I can see why you would find this annoying, especially if you have put time and effort into finding the perfect present.

But, in your SILs defence, she must have a reason to do it. You say she is a lovely person and not short of money so why would she deprive her kids of toys? She must genuinely think they have too much stuff and don't need it? If so I can sort of understand where she is coming from - my DS1 just had his 6th birthday and invited all the class to his party, loads of presents (some repeats) and Xmas just around the corner, I am kind of thinking he doesn't need it all! I won't eBay it but may pass some stuff on.

I do feel for your mum and agree she should spend a bit less in future.

If SIL's DD is 4 she will soon be able to remember her presents ('Mummy where is that doll from Aunty Kate?') so she won't be able to get away with it for much longer!

I would be annoyed

I would be wondering if my DN was getting any benefit from anything we gave (perhaps SIL does buy DN something else ) or does she buy stuff for herself? Would she simply spend gift vouchers on herself or shopping for christmas/other gifts etc?

Could you approach her?

You really need to say something before christmas. Do it this weekend. Like ripping off a plaster. Or say something to your brother, but mention you saw them on ebay so soon after the party and would have happily exchanged them if you knew it was the wrong thing. Give them the 'get out' that that's all they were doing, but make it clear you know it was on ebay, will make it hard to do at Christmas.

Also ask if they are struggling financially - are you in a position to help if they are?

mumofthreekids I completely understand what you mean about millions of toys (I know the feeling, I have 5DD's myself!) but why not ask us to just get one special toy, or a voucher for somewhere, or take DN somewhere instead?
I have 2YO triplets (GGG) and for their birthday this year I just asked friends to get them something to share - like some kind of game or bath toys or something like that.
My eldest had her first 'class party' this year and the amount of presents were just unbelievable! She loved it obviously! But SIL's DC are all under 5 too.

Yes thought that this year DN might say something.. maybe she will!

What about getting personalised presents, pens, pjs, a blanket etc with their name on. Really shocked at what she has done, seems very sad too, I know my children at that age would be asking where their presents were, what does she say to them?

A tad off the topic here OP, I know, but I'm mightily pissed off at the shill bidding and want to sound off. I've been suspended from eBay for that very same reason, even though it's absolutely a case of mistaken identity - they've linked my account with someone I've never heard of and closed me down.

Be warned everyone - you shillers are being hunted down, quite rightly, and you will be kicked off.

Continue!

Sorry OP, just skim read a few posts and since I zipped indignantly to reply, I haden't realised that you've already been pounded a bit for the shilling.

Didn't mean to rub salt or to be repetitive . I s'pose I'm feeling a tad sore about my suspension.

Your SIL is rude, by the way. Tell her you'd prefer to give her the cash if she's so strapped that she has to flog her DC's gifts.

Hippo Not really sure what she says to DC when they wonder where their toys are gone.. probably just changes subject and points to a toy she has kept!

Mine are the same age, and I know if I took even 1 tiny present away they would notice and hunt the present down!

Welsh No worries, can imagine that you would be seriously pissed! Have learnt from my mistake and never again; bearing in mind it was 2 years ago and had forgotten about it up until this post!
Like I said in the original post, they arent even strapped for cash - because then I would understand and help, they have quite a lot of spare money.

i would be VERY offended.

you could set up a new ebay account and bid on one of her toys - a very distinctive one - and then give that to her kid for christmas with a big

Weeelll, I would be mortified if any of my friends and family saw my eBay account because I have sold all sorts of things that they've given me and DC as gifts. Mostly because I've never ended up using them or in the DCs case, they get given so much. However, I don't list EVERYTHING we're given the next day. That is a bit weird and I can't really think of a reason why she'd do that.

However, I'm not really sure you can say anything. Firstly, you were snooping so you're in the wrong. Secondly, once a gift is given, it's up to the receiver to do what they want with it. Although it's not very nice that she's selling stuff, she is perfectly entitled to. And it's not like she asking you for specific items, with selling them in mind. Lastly, what would you hope to achieve by confronting her? Do you want her to promise not to sell anything else? Do you want an apology? Think about what you want from the situation first.

"How about "SIL, I hope you don't mind, but I was on ebay and was looking at your items for sale, I realised you've sold a lot of the gifts we got for your DCs straight away, unplayed with. If they didn't like them, we kept the recipts, and would have been happy to take them back and exchange them, or could you be more specific in your list so that this doesn't happen at Christmas?" "

Excellent suggestion there from LydiaWickham

This is a long shot OP, and does by means excuse her, but she could very well have the eBay bug. Lots of people who get into it get hooked and grab at all sorts to sell and store the banked up cash in paypal.

Still a crappy thing to be doing though and I'd not leave it go, else it's going to turn into serious resentment at every gift-bearing time.

While it's true that once you give a gift it's up to the receiver what they do with it, these gifts were for the children, not sil. The kids aren't putting them on ebay.