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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re: SIL and eBay?

69 replies

KateShmate · 24/11/2011 16:15

Before I start, love SIL to bits - have a brilliant relationship and have always got on really well - our DC's are similar in ages and we parent in similar ways too. But anyway..
Quite a while ago SIL was selling something on eBay and the bidding was really low, despite being expensive item, so asked me to bid it up for her - was more than happy to, and she gave me her eBay ID..
A couple of weeks ago was her DD's 4th birthday and she said that she'd bought this brilliant toy off ebay from abroad that my own nearly-4YO DD would love.. she mentioned no more about it. Was struggling for DD's birthday so looked on SIL's ebay profile and tried to find said toy - found it and got one etc.. Anyway was just being nosy and looking through SIL's items and noticed that most things that our-side-of-family had bought for her DD's birthday, were now for sale on eBay..
I know I shouldnt have been that nosy, but has annoyed me a bit. Always spend a lot on her DC's for birthdays (on gifts I know that they will love! or that shes told me they are into TS3, barbie etc) yet the toys are being sold. My mum spent quite a lot on SIL's DD for birthday (despite having no money) yet all the lovely toys are on there too, as are toys of other DC's from previous birthdays or xmas.
I guess I would understand if her DC werent into the toys at all, but they were all character things that she asked us to buy; and she knows our mum cant afford much.
Also, they are quite well off so is not like the need the money at all? Brother seems to like all the presents we get (inc clothes) as does SIL, but then a few days later is all on eBay.
Isnt an 'issue' between us all, and would be tempted not to bring it up as SIL is so lovely, but has just annoyed us quite a bit.
WWYD?
Sorry for rant!

OP posts:
FlamingFannyDrawers · 24/11/2011 16:33

Well if they are being sold within days of being given as a gift I'd be annoyed yes.

Has feedback been left for the items? If so you could mention you looked at her feedback and noticed she had sold the new gifts. Feedback is there for all to see so not like you had been snooping.

porcamiseria · 24/11/2011 16:38

Say sometning, "hey when I did that bid for you I was curous and looked at yourt other items. why the fuck are you selling iur gifts to DN unopended"

jesus! just say soomething

porcamiseria · 24/11/2011 16:38

spelling ! shame on me

Deflatedballoonbelly · 24/11/2011 16:40

Or, next time you are round having coffee ask where a certain toy is and is it worth it as you was thinking of buying one for your DD.

Original poster
KateShmate · 24/11/2011 16:40

Thanks for the many posts warra - I get the point.

Was about 2 years ago when I was virtually an eBay virgin, obviously wouldn't have done it if I knew it was illegal.

Quote from WarraLibertys link

"Jo Boutflower, of North Yorkshire Trading Standards, said: "I think people do it either themselves or by getting friends and family to bid on their items and do not think they are doing anything wrong, but actually they are breaking the law."

OP posts:
Sossiges · 24/11/2011 16:43

Only d* would not realise that shill bidding is wrong

CuriousCrissyRock4QueenMama · 24/11/2011 16:44

Agree getting vouchers from now on. And I'd have to mention it tbh.

WorraLiberty · 24/11/2011 16:44

Yeah but even if it wasn't against the law, it's out of order.

How would you feel if you were just about to buy your child a toy in a shop and the price suddenly went up at the till because someone else pretended they'd pay more for it than you are offering?

Anyway....meh it's done now.

izzywhizzyspecanpie · 24/11/2011 16:48

If you claim not to have known that you were engaging in shill bidding, you should surely know that ignorance is no defence in the eyes of the law.

Original poster
KateShmate · 24/11/2011 16:50

Thanks sossiges Hmm

Up until just after eBay incident - couldnt even work a computer. SIL was the one who set ebay account up for me as hardly even knew what it was, how it worked or what I was even doing - so clearly didnt know the blood rules for it.

OP posts:
ShoutyHamster · 24/11/2011 16:54

Wow, perfect timing on SIL's part with the bringing out of the cake eh?

Next time you're at the gift giving, make sure you 'help' her children to get their nice new toys out of the packaging while SIL is in the kitchen doing the candles Grin

And if she says anything, just raise an eyebrow and say 'BNIB?'

Job done!

Original poster
KateShmate · 24/11/2011 16:59

ShoutyHamster Brilliant! Thanks for a decent post!!

Will definitely be doing this at Christmas!
As she is such an ebay-holic, she will know exactly what I mean!

Funnily enough though, some of the stuff that my mum helped her DD open, was still on eBay with 'BNWT' - 'Not even been touched!'

Thank your for funny comment though, best suggestion by far! Grin

OP posts:
NewsClippings · 24/11/2011 17:02

In future buy presents which are nice but can't be re-sold/re-used or will go out of date. Cake-making ingredients, play-doh, painting by numbers, 2012 annual.

nicknamenotinuse · 24/11/2011 17:07

She can sell whatever she wants on ebay, it's none of your business. There is no policy on ebay to say 'double check with your sister in law before you list'. Don't bid up her items though, that is wrong and unfair to all genuine buyers just trying to get a bargain.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 24/11/2011 17:10

How horrible. So relatives are buying presents for the children that she has suggested (eg something Toy Story) and she's putting them on e-bay the next day still boxed?

I'm surprised that you've not noticed the stuff isn't around though. If she's getting rid of it so quickly you must never have seen the DCs playing with it. Didn't you wonder about that?

Stay away from anything branded and if possible have the presents personalised. It'll be harder for her to sell on.

Honeydragon · 24/11/2011 17:11

KateShmate, re the shill bidding, you're going to have to expect a lot fair bit of stick for the shill bidding. However you were not to know that your were out of order then, I assume you realised it probably wasn't very ethical.

However your SiL is very unreasonable, it's fine to sell unwanted gifts on eBay, but I honestly can't believe that all of them were rejected by your dn. Ergo she is probably selling them to buy things that she not dc would prefer. I'd purchase vouchers for Toysrus where she definitely can't use them for anything else.

The fact that your Sil asked you to do something like shill bidding, and take advantage of your naivety does not show her in a very good light tbh. It is a very mercenary thing to do she should have just paid the extra 40 odd pence to put a reserve on it. I genuinely dislike people who see the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Original poster
KateShmate · 24/11/2011 17:17

MNP - Now I can see that we never saw the presents, but at the time never really thought about it!
Hard to explain but all their DC's toys are in a separate room so all the children just bring the toys in and out; so I suppose never really noticed because of that.
A few times I would ask my DN whether he/she had done of the things I got for birthday (Eg activity) and SIL would just say 'Oooh yes! I think its in your bedroom DN, I'll go and get it in a minute for you'

OP posts:
lisianthus · 24/11/2011 17:18

That's really awful, particularly as your mother doesn't have much money but is buying these things as she thinks her DGC really want them- then your horrible SIL sells them straight away!

I know you said she is nice, but what with this behaviour, which is frankly grasping and using, plus the conning you into shill bidding when you didn't know it was wrong, but I'll bet she did, she sounds like a nasty piece of work.

Talk to your brother as well- how could they take advantage of your family this way?

randommoment · 24/11/2011 17:26

OP don't panic about the bidding thing, your SIL shouldn't have asked you to do it in the first place, and if you were a newbie to ebay I can understand. I can't imagine for a minute that you'll ever do it again. Least said soonest mended.
When it comes to the presents being flogged on though, YANBU. I've flogged on hideous stuff from one of my SILs who was born with no taste or common sense, but not since I trained her to ask what the dds wanted and gone out and got it.
The trouble with the voucher idea is that she could sell those on eBay too. Personalising hand made things may be the only way ahead!

Kladdkaka · 24/11/2011 17:29

Izzy, it's not necessarily true that ignorance is no defense in the eyes of the law. It depends on how the law is written.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 24/11/2011 17:33

I can see that would happen. If it's possible maybe you and your mother could take them somewhere for their birthday eg a cinema trip and on the day of the party just get them something small like a personalised pencil case with personalised pencils that have their full names on. Or a personalised piggy bank with a couple of coins of their money in it. I think your SIL would get the message.

TheRepublicOfDreams · 24/11/2011 17:36

The poor children losing all their toys :(

Original poster
KateShmate · 24/11/2011 17:39

Thank you randommoment :)

Trust me, after this grilling would never do it again - plus I now know my way around eBay and understand it all nearly

Dont get me wrong, if it was a few presents that DN had opened and hadnt played with for a while and she'd just said 'Hope you dont mind, am going to sell DD's present on as she hasnt played with it much, and I can then get her something else' - I would've been MORE than happy, she didnt even have to tell me! But its the fact that its most of the presents we gave her.

I've sold stuff before after having a clear out and thinking that 'Lovely auntie from NZ got that' but DD's havent even looked at it and it has been 3 years... - but you cant tell within half hour whether DN would have disliked it or not! ESP as its not out of packaging!
Thing is with personalised things, is that you cant get any cool things that SIL would approve of and then its even more pointless if she hates it and cant re-sell so just bins!
Thank you for post though random :)

lisianthus I do feel sorry for my mum, in time I guess it will mean that she, and us, will just end up getting small presents for SIL's DC because we know that they, probably, will be sold on..
I really dont think that my brother realizes, I think that he thinks shes just selling old toys that dont get played with..

OP posts:
auntiepicklebottom2 · 24/11/2011 17:43

perhaps the gifts are doubles

OhdearNigel · 24/11/2011 17:44

Can we stop harping on about the wretched shill bidding now ? OP has admitted it was wrong and stated her defence. Move on ffs.

Your SIL is being VU. A birthday present for a child is supposed to be for the child, not for your SIL to raise money on ebay for whatever she wants to do with it. I would be mightily annoyed if I thought that something I worked hard to buy for my niece was being sold for a song to raise money for my SIL to buy lattes. Especially when the gift givers can't really afford it.

I would bring it up. Next time you go round to her house ask DN if you can play with it with her.