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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with DH's comment 'it's only snoring...'

54 replies

RachelHRD · 23/11/2011 22:43

DH has been fiddling with biting and chewing his finger on and off for the last 20 minutes and got narked when I asked him to stop as it was annoying and moaned that I complain about everything he does Hmm so I pointed out that I think I'm pretty tolerant considering my sleep is disrupted every night by his snoring and dolphin impersonations sleep apnea and I put up with it and would he be so tolerant if it were the other way around???

His reply 'FGS it's only snoring...' bloody charming that he shows such concern for me getting a good nights sleep. I have suggested numerous times that he goes to the Dr about it but he has never bothered.....

Flipping men

OP posts:
SlackSally · 23/11/2011 22:49

Totally feel your pain. My DP snores like a train (worse when he's had a drink) and although he wouldn't be that flippant, I do get annoyed that the thing that stops ME (poor, considerate, blamelessly-sleeping me) getting to sleep, is essentially his mode of sleeping.

No other kind of noise would be acceptable at that level.

I absolutely hate it.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 23/11/2011 22:51

YANBU. Do you have a spare room he can sleep in - or that you can retreat to?

DH used to snore badly before he lost some weight and started exercising more, which he did because I told him that I wouldn't share his bed any longer because I wasn't getting enough sleep.

PiggyMad · 23/11/2011 22:57

YANBU
My DH's snoring pisses me right off and he doesn't seem to think it is a big issue and gets narked when I push him onto his side in the middle of the night after hours of being disturbed by him - and this is with the use of earplugs plus a relaxation cd for background noise.
Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Is your DH worse when he is on his back? Could he change position at all to ease it slightly? I also second moving to a different bed!

Original poster
RachelHRD · 23/11/2011 22:57

TBH the snoring isn't that bad it's the breath holding which results in the dolphin like noises that disturbs me more because I will be laying there, hear him hold his breath and then be either saying his name loudly or giving him a swift gentle kick to get him to stop...

If I hear 'it's not like I do it on purpose' one more time...... Yes I know but that doesn't lessen the effect it has Hmm

If he made the effort to do something about it then fair enough - but as always I will be the one who has to push that idea and make the apt, persuade him to go.....

Feel your pain ladies......

OP posts:
lottiegb · 23/11/2011 22:59

YANBU - has he ever shared a bed, or room, with someone who snores? If not, how can he know what it's like? Anyway, depends on both your sleep patterns, who drops off first etc.

Spare room (as retreat) a good idea. Record and play back to him when he's trying to get to sleep? I do think that recognising that you need a good night's sleep is the most basic sort of consideration.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 23/11/2011 23:02

Tell him to sort himself out and look after his health. Does he want to be dead before his kids are grown up?

MyDaydream · 23/11/2011 23:12

YANBU. Snoring is the worst sound at the worst time of day. ExP used to snore so loud I could hear him no matter where I was in the house, and friends would refuse to let us stay because they knew he would affect their sleep. Once his weight peaked he also got the stopping breathing weird noises and I begged him to go to the Dr. Didn't, because as your DP says, it's only snoring. He did go to the Dr about it in the end, after I'd broken up with him and he was using it as a way to get back with me! Didn't work!

(will point out, there was much more to him being ExP than snoring!)

CadetDevilcat · 23/11/2011 23:14

Gah my DH snores like a Daddy Pig (so DD says) and to make matters worse our DD (5) regularly climbs into our bed at night and snores even worse than he does leaving me wide awake for hours on end.

Morning comes and I am greeted with a chirpy -

DD - good morning mummy, did you sleep well

Me - Nope!

DD - ahh thats cos Daddy snores

Me - Nooo thats because you get in our bed and snore and fidget and steal the duvet

DD - don't be silly, daddy snores like a pig and kept me awake too ....ummm she slept like a log and I tossed and turned all night between two grunters ffs

I think I need to get into her bed when she gets into mine in future!

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 23/11/2011 23:28

DH and I sleep in separate rooms because he we both snore something rotten. Sometimes he even wakes me up anyway, if he is lying on his back it's like a sodding chainsaw when he gets going, and in the end I just couldn't stand it anymore. It was a sofa bed or a divorce or DIY surgery with the bread knife...

SaggyoldCHRISTMASHUMBUGcatpuss · 24/11/2011 00:06

My DSDad snores and suffers from sleep apnoea. Its hell! You can hear him from downstairs. I can occasionally hear him from my house next door! Its hell! Whats worse is the apnoea, listening to it is terrifying.
Id recommend recording him and playing it back to him when he is trying to sleep. If you have an Iphone, there is an app called Sleep Talk which is quite useful. It automatically listens for and records any sounds you make in the night for you to play back and listen to.

clappyhands · 24/11/2011 00:13

separate rooms
tis the future i tell you........

thenightsky · 24/11/2011 00:13

Interesting thread.

Can any of you partners of snorers tell me if earplugs work and, if so, which ones?

I've been through the entire range sold in Boots now. They block out random noises like car doors banging and voices outside, but nothing can stop the deep rumbling vibrations of snoring from the man beside me [sad

Also, how the hell do you get earplugs to stay in? I have to fall asleep with my fingers in my ears, holding the plugs in place, otherwise they just fall out. It's like they don't go deep enough and just sit on the surface of my ear like useless things.

randommoment · 24/11/2011 00:14

It's me that snores the worst (although he's pretty bad too). Separate rooms saved the relationship. We both get to be starfish most nights, nothing to stop me eating chocolate in bed, and it makes it extra special when we do share...

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 24/11/2011 00:15

Nightsky I get my earplugs from my dad, no idea which shop!
I will ask him though and post back here, because they are like being in a muffled cave of silence, amazing.

TheCraicDealer · 24/11/2011 00:17

My boyfriend snores really, really loudly. The noises he produces can only be described as UNGODLY. So much so it's been commented on by those he works with and people are reluctant to share tents with him on exercise Hmm I've told him I'm not even considering moving in with him until he at least sees a doctor about it. He was going along with it alright, then announced last weekend, "I thought you'd got used to it". He's dancing on my last nerve!

Bio ears are quite good for blocking out the sound, but I'm worried about getting ear infections from using them so often and for so long. Bad times.

Kladdkaka · 24/11/2011 00:18

My husband talks in his sleep. Not quiet little incomprehensible muttering which is what I always thought sleep talking was. No, he runs through conference speeches in a crystal clear booming 'speech' voice that you can hear in every room of the house. Thank god we don't have neighbours.

Olderyetwilder · 24/11/2011 00:22

Sorry, but I think YABU to complain about finger biting annoying you and I don't suppose he snores deliberately to annoy you

mawbroon · 24/11/2011 00:27

He needs to address this. It is serious.

Sleep apnea can raise blood pressure which can lead to stroke and heart attack.

read this

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 24/11/2011 07:10

I was going to suggest what lottie says -record it and play it loudly in the bedroom all night. If he complains - tell him "it's only snoring" and then smother him

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 24/11/2011 07:19

oh, and he does know sleep apnoea can kill, doesn't he?

You have to notify the DVLA if you have it because the risk of falling asleep at the wheel is so high.

Then there's the increased risk of heart attack and stroke

then there's the irritability and increased risk of depression

He needs to get it sorted.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 24/11/2011 07:20

oh, and I believe the DVLA have the power to declare you unfit to drive

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 24/11/2011 08:15

Older - you clearly have no idea what it is like to have your sleep disrupted by a snorer, so please don't comment.

TroublesomeEx · 24/11/2011 08:26

My DH snores. He's also overweight. I now sleep in a different room everynight and his snoring still wakes me.

He's always snored but as his weight has increased, so has his snoring.

Every time he sits down in the evening with a grab bag of crisps and a large bar of chocolate I resent him because his need to eat crap till he's fit to burst is affecting his sleep and our relationship. Talk about priorities!

So no, older they don't snore deliberately, but there are plenty of things snorers can do to try and address the problem and if they don't, that's just selfish.

I'm sorry, Kladdkaka but that's really amused me! I'm sure it doesn't amuse you in the slightest though!

Iggly · 24/11/2011 08:28

YANBU

Older he could get it fixed. He could sleep in another room. He knows it impacts on his partner's sleep yet does nothing. That, quite frankly, is U.

thenightsky you need the squashy sort of eat plugs that you rol or pinch up then pop in your ears and they expand. Have a look in your local chemist.

Overcooked · 24/11/2011 08:31

My DH kicks me in his sleep - it really irritates me and he thinks it's funny, he just can't see how a kick every five minutes when you're just dropping off would drive me insane. Sometimes even when the kicking has stopped, I can't sleep as I just lay there absolutely livid - I want to wake him up and tell him what he's done - I feel quite mad just writing about it!