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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A good friend's son treated badly in a hospice

35 replies

2old2beamum · 23/11/2011 20:50

Do not know if this the right place to post but I am so disgusted I have to rant somewhere. Her lovely son 23yrs has been told he has a few weeks left. On Friday had to be admitted to hospice, blocked catheter urine infection. While there he asked to go to toilet to empty his bowels (unable to walk)They said they were unable to hoist him as he had not been assessed to be hoisted ( Health and Safety) AND PUT A NAPPY ON HIM and told him to do it in there
He was absolutely mortified. Is this the usual way to treat young people who are dying. Again sorry if this is the wrong place.

OP posts:
cantfindamnnickname · 23/11/2011 20:52

fuck me - that is horrendous - not really sure what to say - Ive never heard anything like it

Snowfire · 23/11/2011 20:55

That's no way to treat anyboby, how humiliating for him. You would think hospice staff would be particularly sensitive to promoting dignity to people in their final days.

ggirl · 23/11/2011 20:56

very bad lazy practice
why not a bedpan?

redwineformethanks · 23/11/2011 20:56

That is horrible, very degrading, poor lad.

atosilis · 23/11/2011 20:57

That is truly dreadful.

ilovesprouts · 23/11/2011 20:58

thats awfull poor lad

ggirl · 23/11/2011 20:58

usually someone has to be assessed to mobilise without a hoist
hoist is the default if staff are unsure how someone would transfer out of bed and all staff should be trained how to use one
is he an amputee?

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 23/11/2011 20:59

They must complain to the Hospice, my Gran was treated with the utmost dignity and respect, this is very sad.

hiddenhome · 23/11/2011 21:01

That's ridiculous. We hoistj new people (frail elderly) within a few minutes of them being admitted to the home. All you need to do is locate the correct size sling. Unless the boy has some very severe medical problems or deformity there's no excuse not to hoist him.

Original poster
2old2beamum · 23/11/2011 21:09

ggirl no not an amputee too weak to stand and no bedpan as he needs help to balance....a commode has arm rests but why couldn't two staff have supported him on a bedpan.
I will encourage parents to complain but somehow it doesn't seem the right time at present.

OP posts:
hiddenhome · 23/11/2011 21:11

You can place somebody in a hoist then place onto a bedpan whilst still supported in the hoist.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 23/11/2011 21:12

Oh that is so awful in every respect.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 23/11/2011 21:17

Sad so sorry for your friend and her DS. She must complain but she has other concerns at the moment like supporting her child through his last days. Maybe if you can keep a record of this for her and anything else that may come to your attention.

He deserves to be treated with dignity and they have failed him.

greensnail · 23/11/2011 21:29

That's so sad. If they can move him to put the nappy on and then clean up afterwards, there's no reason why they couldn't have put him on a bedpan.
They should be able to hoist him straight away without any assessments, any nurse on the ward should be able to assess on the spot what sling they should use to hoist him.

I hope this was a one-off and he gets the care he deserves from now on.

albertcamus · 23/11/2011 21:51

YADNBU at all ... your post gave me a cold shiver in that it reminded me of a night, 23 years ago in ''''wonderful''' (not) GOSH paediatric oncology ward ... my 3-year old son was extremely ill, having a platelet transfusion while awaiting his bone marrow transplant, was shaking with a reaction to the transfusion due to his chemo-weakened state, very sick and dying children were all around in an 8-bedded ward on a Saturday night ... and the f*ing pleb of a 'nurse' who was an utter disgrace to her profession had the TV on at full blast at 3 am (war film) because she could not be assed to deal with any of the children. Most were too weak to even cry, but all were kept awake. No doubt she slept well the next morning. I am as bitter now as I was then, only more cynical, disgusted and disappointed at what passes as 'care' in this country. My son was very lucky to survive, most of the others did not. When we left the hospital, one mother, whose son died of leukaemia said to me: 'I wish I could have argued like you, I will never forgive myself.' Those words have stayed with me, but she should never have been made to feel like thatl.

Thinking of you and your friends and hoping things improve as best they can for you all :(

kerstina · 23/11/2011 22:38

This is absolutely terrible. Sad It time every single one of us starting to stand up against health and safety and start thinking for ourselves. How can people stand by and let this sort of thing happen. It is outrageous people are becoming like sheep and robots and compassion and what makes us human is falling by the wayside.

jinty71 · 23/11/2011 22:49

albertcamus - you simply cannot tar every nurse or ward in the country with the same brush although your experience sounds awful.

I would urge his parents to complain at some point when they feel able.

albertcamus · 24/11/2011 07:49

Agreed, jinty, but I now speak as I find. Our local hospital, in a relatively poor post-war town, gives very good care, and luckily we live near the excellent Addenbrookes which is the polar opposite of the much over-rated GOSH whose seemingly excellent reputation is, in my son's experience, wholly undeserved.

LoveBeingAFirework · 24/11/2011 07:56

My nan was told to just go in her bed when she was in hospital as they didn't have time to take her and due to a uti want to go often Shock

Please get them to say something, a hospice in particular should know better. The ones I've had family in have always been amazing.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 24/11/2011 08:43

Sad for your friends DS.
I worked in a hospice. TBH, it was the easiest job (physically anyway) that I ever had. The staffing numbers were ridiculously high unlike ordinary hospital wards.
Wishing your friends son a peaceful end to his life.

saintlyjimjams · 24/11/2011 08:49

albertcamus - I have heard some other pretty terrible stories from GOSH (and some good ones!). I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm not surprised you're angry.

2old2 that doesn't sound right :(

albertcamus · 24/11/2011 09:21

thanks saintly. GOSH 'saved' my son's life BUT what we saw passing as 'care' was more than disgraceful ... when families are at their most vulnerable, and don't have the resources to argue, they shouldn't have to. The GOSH ads on TV make me sick.

greensnail · 24/11/2011 16:31

Kreecher - I agree it used to be that way when I started working in hospices, but things have definitely changed over the last few years. Staffing levels have decreased and we are caring for patients with much more complex needs. Definitely no excuse for such poor care though.

3rdOneComingUp · 24/11/2011 18:31

albertcamus, i'm so sorry you had a terrible experience but i wanted to say that we were at GOSH recently and i was incredibly impressed with the nursing in particular. I expected the doctors to be at the top of their game but it was the standard of nursing that touched me the most. I hope that means that they sorted out the wheat from the chaff.

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 24/11/2011 18:37

That is horrendous, what a disgusting way to treat someone Sad

I am so sick of people and this bloody health and safety rubbish, people should just do their bloody jobs without using H&S as a cop out.

So sorry for your friend and her family