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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A good friend's son treated badly in a hospice

35 replies

2old2beamum · 23/11/2011 20:50

Do not know if this the right place to post but I am so disgusted I have to rant somewhere. Her lovely son 23yrs has been told he has a few weeks left. On Friday had to be admitted to hospice, blocked catheter urine infection. While there he asked to go to toilet to empty his bowels (unable to walk)They said they were unable to hoist him as he had not been assessed to be hoisted ( Health and Safety) AND PUT A NAPPY ON HIM and told him to do it in there
He was absolutely mortified. Is this the usual way to treat young people who are dying. Again sorry if this is the wrong place.

OP posts:
albertcamus · 24/11/2011 19:32

I hope so too 3rd, it couldn't be worse than it was at that time ...

plainwhitet · 24/11/2011 21:06

I am so sorry for the poor man, what a horribly humiliating experience for him.
albertcamus, don't get me started on gosh. had truly horrible experiences there with my dd.
strikes me the public areas get all the money and the wards for the uninteresting and chronic type cases get zero. respiratory wards have to be experienced to be believed. could not wait to get dd transferred to our local hospital.

albertcamus · 24/11/2011 21:43

I know, plain, I had to argue to get a correct diagnosis, threaten to sue them when he was on a 'waiting list' for a BMT cubicle, keep him clean due to the filthiness of the place & staff, refuse to sleep in the 'parents' accommodation' which was six bunkbeds in a tiny windowless room with a used tampon in the bin (during a virulent flu epidemic while DS had zero immune system), no fathers' accomm. was available, so we had to stay in a B&B where we could swap at the weekend (my DTDs were 1.5 at the time), he very nearly died while waiting as described above, luckily the twins were suitable as donors (1:4 chance of compatibility), so the chemo & BMT went ahead & we were able to get out of that place after 3 horrendous weeks. It was filthy, disorganised, awful, uncaring & the publicity I see for it is totally hypocritical. The aftercare was crap & I finally lost it when he got Graft vs Host disease which gave him constant blood loss from back passage. The examination for that, under a light general, featured an agency 'nurse' with a black eye who didn't give a sht and was in no fit state to be at work while he writhed around semi-conscious moaning in pain ... then they told us they'd lost his stool sample from that morning. This was just typical of how they were, I really hope they have improved since. Eventually he recovered, and I DH would take him (I could not face going back to that place)for the annual checkup at which they would say: 'Ah here's our* little miracle' (the other two boys diagnosed that year with that type did not make it), which aggravated me despite my general gratitude that he'd survived ... anyway at least he had a normal childhood after recovery until being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes at 15 ... another auto-immune disorder, so prob linked to the chemo etc. He is a solider, and always was through the treatment, I am grateful for every day of his life ... but it didn't NEED to be as awful as it was. His diabetes treatment at Addenbrookes has been a total contrast, excellent.

Didn't mean to hijack the thread, but what gets me down here is that it doesn't cost ANYTHING to look after someone properly as opposed to NOT, and it's the waste due to uncaring staff which is so impossible to accept at these times.

Thinking of the OP's friend and her son :(

higgle · 24/11/2011 21:54

here This point has been to the supreme court - the decision of the court was truly shocking.

albertcamus · 24/11/2011 22:02

That's disgusting higgle, but I'm not surprised in this country. There's no dignity for anyone unless a TV camera's lurking around for fundraising purposes.

Only three years later i was teaching adults, and a lovely lady who was a fully-qualified nursing sister from Hong Kong told me that she would cry at the waste of resources in 'leading' UK hospitals where she'd worked ... she couldn't take it, and used her work ethic to build up a restaurant business instead.

UK has no right to call other countries 'Third World' etc. while we treat people like this.

greensnail · 24/11/2011 22:03

But the case linked to above is different as the patient was in her own home. Although I agree it is wrong for her to have to use incontinence pads when she is not incontinent I can understand why her local authority would do that to save the money of paying for overnight carers.

In the OP's case it is totally wrong as the staff and equipment were there to enable the man to use a bedpan but they chose not to.

2old2beamum · 24/11/2011 22:28

Thankyou everyone for your support. One day I will show my friend your messages and hopefully she and her DH will find the strength to complain which
I will encourage
RE GOSH they do not deserve their international accolade I speak as a registered sick childrens nurse who has 3 children treated there.

OP posts:
OldMumsy · 24/11/2011 23:00

Watched my lovely Mum die in agony in a hospice because they didn't want to ask the doctor for more morphine. Nothing suprises me any more Sad

higgle · 25/11/2011 09:11

greensnail, in the full judgement in the supreme court one of the reasons they said it was OK to do this in the home was that it was common practice in health and social care, including hospitals. All this "Dignity in care" stuff is total nonsense when the state upholds practices like this.

greensnail · 25/11/2011 09:21

In that case I'm shocked and appalled. It has certainly not been common practice anywhere I've worked. I've had patients choose to use a pad instead of a bedpan because they find it more comfortable but this is very different to what is being described here.

Stories like these make me ashamed to be a nurse :(

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