to want my baby in a car seat during a 30 minute taxi journey?

[AngryBadger]

Okay, I'm travelling with my mother and my 8 month DD. We are going to visit an ill relative and will have a short flight followed by a taxi ride (of around 30 minutes, mostly on a motorway) before we arrive.

We are taking only hand luggage plus a pushchair. I want to take the carseat for DD. I am pretty sure the airline will carry it for free along with the puschair). My mother thinks I am being most unresonable and has phoned me twice to tell me so.

During the most recent call, she told me that I am being really 'over the top' about this and that my father agrees. She said that my DD will be safe on my knee because I will be wearing a seatbelt. I stayed calm (my mother is really hard work at times and starts arguments for no apparent reason) and repeated that I would rather have her in the seat as she will be safer. She then said 'If that's the case, why doesn't legislation say taxis have to carry child seats?'. I put the phone down on her as I couldn't tolerate the conversation any longer.

I don't understand why she gets so worked about things like this. I want to protect my child, I'm not setting out to hurt or upset anyone!

But, as usual, I've come away from a conversation with my mother wondering if I am actually in the wrong? She also told me that my father agrees with her and that they both think I'm being ridiculous - that's also the usual response if I ever disagree with her opinion!

I think I'm being sensible rather than precious, but maybe I'm wrong :-(

why not ring the taxi firm to ask if you can book a car seat? presuming you are on internal UK flight, natch

no you are not in the wrong, i would feel exactly the same,
the risk is just not worth taking IMO.

i would check that the airline are happy to take the seat though, and then just take it. it's your baby!

She is right in that you don't have to use a baby seat in the taxi but personally I would never have my baby in the car without being properly protected.

I brought my seat with us when we went to see my parents in France, the airline charged £20 each way - t'was money well spent!

While I agree that your DD will be safer in a carseat, would the airline put it in the luggage hold? I only ask because I would worry how careful they would be with it, my friends buggy got broken by baggage handlers!

Most airlines will take a car seat for free, check their website.

Tell your mother to fuck off.

There's no way your baby is "safe" on your lap with a seatbelt round you both. If the taxi crashed your weight would probably crush her to death against the belt. Or she would simply fly through the windscreen. There's no way I'd ever, ever put my baby in a car without an appropriate seat. It's just not worth the risk.

Google it if you need some suitably awful news stories / crash test videos for your mum, I'm too pregnant and hormonal to do it now!

we had a taxi to gatwick and then back a week later when dd1 was 2.5yo. We used our car seat and the taxi company kept it for us for picking us up. We didn't take it to majorca though despite long transfer but I think for under 2s it's included in flight.

tbh i'd want one on motorways and at the end of the day it's your child so your responsibility so your mum needs to respect your decision.

yes def package it up and pad it out well to avoid it getting rboken in the hold

Of course yanbu. Ignore your Mother, because you are the Mother that matters now and you know what is safest for your baby.

Many in our parents' generation do have a thing about car seats - they weren't in use when we were children, and they refuse to accept that although they did what was best practice at the time it is no longer best practice now and so we do not want to do it.

They see it as a veiled criticism of what they did when we were young.

yabu...just get a Hackney style taxi and the baby can stay in the pram.

I can see both points of view. The risk is very small in absolute terms (which is your mother's point) but if you were the unlucky one, you'd never recover from the guilt (which is yours). In practice most taxi companies do have car seats and if you book your taxi in advance will provide them. You could certainly ring them and ask; if they will, problem solved.

When taking a taxi unexpectedly or in circs where it just wasn't possible to book or have a carseat, I sometimes used to belt myself in while wearing DS in a wrap-style sling (so the seatbelt wasn't round him, but I was secured by it and he was secured to me, including his head well supported). Don't know how safe that is but I suspect it's better than either an adult seatbelt round a baby, or nothing but arms round a baby. For a 30 min ride planned in advance I'd arrange to have a carseat, though. I'm sure we take numerically higher risks with our children's lives all the time, but it's the anticipated regret, because this is a foreseeable and avoidable risk.

Prebook a taxi with a car seat to meet you. Loads of companies do this.

actually, when we needed to book a taxi we couldn't find a single firm who had seats

since the law changed and stated that they were not needed in taxi's most places no longer keep them.

we live v, v, v close to gatwick and could not get one at all with a seat in

and the thing is, it doesn't even affect your mum if you take the seat does it? so i fail to see why she is getting so wound up about it

Your mother is being unreasonable.

The only times I would not have DD in a carseat in a taxi are if it was an emergency and I wouldn't know in advance to book a carseat, or if we were travelling in a black cab and DD was in her buggy, strapped into the taxi.

For future reference the words "My child, my choice." may come in useful, followed by a change of subject.

YANBU

Just because it is legal does not mean it is safe. Do as you would do in your own car.

Thank you for all your replies. I've tried the taxi company and they don't have carseats but at least the airline carries them for free - I've just checked the website.

I've decided I'm taking it and won't be drawn into any further arguments about it by either of my parents! (I'm expecting another phone all anytime).

Discrete, you make a good point about the older generation seeing things as veiled criticism. That would explain some of the things that my mother gets quite funny about, such as: not giving my children many sugary sweets, not smacking for 'bad behaviour', taking them to the doctors surgery when they are ill. I'm always flummoxed because she seems annoyed by these decisions but your theory does provide some explaination.

yanbu, airlines carry seats for free. I'd be inclined to buy a cheap one to take though rather than risk her normal one being damaged.

Totally fine to take buggy and carseat for free (well it is on flybe and bmibaby, which we have used for domestic flights). DS and I have been flying regularly to see family since he was 9 weeks old and never had any trouble checking both in the hold, I don't think I even had to pre-book / warn the airlines as it's fairly standard - as long as your buggy comes in 1 piece, like a MacLaren or similar.

Another option would be to just take the carseat if you might be able to borrow a buggy at the other end and use a sling to get about the airport? I've generally taken the rear facing carseat with me, even if not the buggy and used it in taxis and family members' cars. DS is too big for it now so we just borrow my cousin's forward facing seat when we go home and it gets moved from car to car as needed.

yanbu, i have 3 children and none have ever been in a car without a car seat not even a short journey its just not worth the risk... if it was safe to hold them ten we wouldnt need car seats?

Glad it's sorted
Did your mother do everything the same as her mother? Could you have that conversation with her without referring to yourself.

When we took DS's carseat on the plane, we had to carry it to the plane and then carry it off again so I wouldn't worry too much about it being thrown about as it doesn't go with the rest of the hold luggage.

Why does it bother your mother so much? Is she concerned she won't have enough room or does she just like a fight for the sake of it? It seems a totally pointless argument from her point of view.
"Mum what exactly are you getting out of going over and over this point of child safety which really shouldn't be bothering you this much as it doesn't affect you"? may clarify it (probably put more subtly although I'm not usually that subtle if people bug me about things that I feel are none of their concern and which I think are sorted). If her behaviour does put you off being with her maybe feeding back that you feel she often starts arguments over nothing in particular and it isn't nice and this is an example of her making an issue over nothing may make her think, but probably won't. I suspect I'd have let her visit the relative with her husband and gone seperately.

When ds was small I travelled with easyjet and my travel system combo (ie infant car seat on frame), and just used that as my pushchair for the visit.