...To think that Year 7 girls are evil personified...??!

[misspollysdolly]

DD started secondary school in September. The first half term was fairly good, but now 10 weeks or whatever into term the rubber is really hitting the road and a lot of the girls are showing their true colours. Bitchiness beyond belief and eternal 'goalpost shifting' - really horrid. I am in no doubt that my DD is as much a part of the 'thing' and I know she doesn't always help herself, but she has always found friendships challenging and 'sticky' and it is very hard to have to watch her buffeted around in the pre-pubescent storm.

I'd love to hear anyone else's experiences of supporting their children through this time of life. What do you let go and what do you respond to? How do you hear but not get dragged into the whole sordid thing? What advice or support do you give to your DC when they are in a mess with friends? Does it ever improve??!

(I realise this isn't quite an AIBU...apols to all AIBU-purists)

You might get some helpful, positive advice if you repost in Teenagers or Secondary (I know they're not teenagers but this is the sort of thing lots of parents of teens have experienced).

I don't have dds, and although boys fight, they soon make up and forget about it.

You sit, you listen, you apply chocolate as necessary, you encourage them to keep as wide a circle of friends as possible, encourage them not to pour out their hearts too quickly to new friends and you wait for them to grow out of it.

It's just jostling for position and them trying to figure out who they are. Year 8 is better.

Dd is now year 9, my teacher dh says that is the worst year - it's been not too bad so far but we're only 9 weeks into term ;)

Can't help I'm afraid. I've got a year 8 boy and they're so much simpler!

My friend's had some real issues with bitchiness in year 7. I think it's settled down a bit now they're in year 8. A lot of it is to do with vying for a position in a social hierarchy. Not pleasant but, hopefully, shortlived.

Absolutely no help whatsoever was I?!!

I hope it settles down for you DD soon. It's a crappy time. I wouldn't be that age again for anything

And you learn to bite your tongue because the girl that's causing your DD to cry in your lap one week might be coming home with her for dinner next week.

LFC - I hear that too. That even the most delightful child undergoes an amazing transformation come year 9... GULP!

My friend's daughter. I really am having trouble today with making sense.

My DD had a couple of teething problems in year 7 which culminating in me telling her I would call the school. She begged me not to and told me she'd talk to her teacher. I reluctantly agreed, then thought better of it and called anyway only to discover she had just been in to the teacher and the issue was sorted out by the end of the school day.

Now if there's a problem I tell her to sort it by x date or I will go in, guns blazing. So far I haven't needed to.

It's all about social positioning, finding their feet, finding new friends and adapting to being a (nearly) teenager. It does get better.

12-14

They should be put in stasis

I have huge sympathy for you! My dd is also in year 7 and it has been one pareting lesson after another since she started seniors! This week's lesson was cyber bullying with some little darling calling my dd a slag and a slut on fb. (yes yes I know she shouldn't be on fb - that's another thread though isn't it!)

I'm just trying to make sure she feel's she can talk to me about anything, spending quality time with her and listening to how she wants to deal with situations rather than getting angry and steaming in all guns blazing!

my yr7 is still lovely.

Yr 7 was awful for dd....started getting anxiety and it broke my heart to watch. Is all I could do was listen,hug and wipe the tears ,year 8 got better but she found a couple of new friends and left the Queen Bee and the cronies.
Yr 9 and all looks ok ....funny now dd is not bothered,Queen Bee wants back in. I am having a mini glory moment watching dd give her short shrift

Yrs 7, 8 and 9 were all a nightmare at times when I was at my all girls school. There were incredibly bitchy comments from your friends that still rankle now. But I was just as bad.

In yr 10 we all underwent a complete transformation to become the most kind, supportive and loyal group of friends and we are still like that to this day. It's a waiting game OP - it's unpleasant while it lasts. My parents always just told me to back off from these girls when I was the one in the firing line and spend more time with my other friends, and soon enough it would work and I'd be back in the fold (with some other poor sap on the outside).

It sounds horrendous and reading this I would wonder why I stuck with them - but honestly that was the phase and who we are now is who we really are.

Year 7 was Hell . Year 8 wasn't much better tbh. Thinking about it, Y8 could possibly have been even worse. Year 9 is good, so far. A modicum of sense seems to be creeping in.

My DS is in year 8 and he says he doesn't recognise the girls anymore

He thinks they all eat a bowl of drama llama flakes before school

As her mum I think you need to distance yourself a bit from this - don't get embroiled in the detail. Let the girls sort out their own relationships.

Ds suffered yr 7 with his former friends all trying to jostle for top of the heap. Thankfully he survived and he is very forgiving sole and in yr9 found a good group of friends.
DD with the fore knowledge of what happened to Ds, stood no nonsense from snyone, made lots of new friends. Now in year 9 and still lovely.

We were warned that Christmas in Y7 is the big melt down. Friendships from primary school collapse, the groups start forming and frankly Y7 is a horrid year for most. I have to agree Y8 is also a PIA.

Social networking sites play a big part in exacerbating the situation. It's relentless - and a lot of kids go through 'collecting friends' - they can't quite understand to only let people on that they actually like and not every Tom-Dick-Harry who requests.

Everyones different so you can't really generalise.

My dd is in year 8 now and has honestly had no problems since starting high school last year. She is thriving there and has joined lots of after school clubs.

Maybe your dd needs to find different friends.

I've had my yr9 DD in tears again this evening due to this kind of crap.
I really hope you are right about yr10 wine cos I am running out of platitudes now we are into our third year of this.
It always seems to be my DD on the receiving end :(

This is why I'm quite relieved to be starting home education with my DD (she's yr4). It won't avoid this issue, I'm sure, but hopefully it won't be so intense if she's not trapped all day every day with 30+ other girls of identical age.

Other than that, no advice to add as I've not been through it yet. Good luck though.

Shakira I do really think it makes a big difference. I don't know what it is, hormones calming down?! But really I think (and hope) it will get better for you. Good luck!

[ hugs ] Shakirasma

Does she have friends outside of school? It can help to soften the blow a bit.

Narkypuffin
Just one who she sees at taekwondo, and that's tonight so hopefully that will take the edge off this bad day.