to tell them it is not my turn?

[BAAAAAAHUMBUG]

I have 3 siblings. I, one sibling and mother all live fairly near. 2 others a distance away.
I had mother for christmas last year. this year i have DH's family (mother, brother & Sil) coming to us.
Mother isn't exactly difficult but is a bit eccentric and straight and not really full of festive joy.
Anyway. I have announced to siblings that someone has to volunteer to invite her and it's not my turn. Siblings are not jumping to volunteer. Close sibling has already arranged to go to her inlaws. Mother has a dog and one sibling doesn't like it.. mother doesn't like other siblings DP.
So I am going to end up having to invite her here, meaning InLaws won't be so relaxed (they don't know her much and are very different). and I don't like feeling obliged.
Greetings Siblings if you see this.

Shit.

Sibling4. I think it is Sibling1's turn.

It is not that I don't want her. But I will already have a housefull of in-laws, None of whom know how to talk quietly.

Actually I will confess to being a complete hypocrite here in that I would never have this issue with my parents as we all get together as one big family.

However if it was the horrible in-laws and DH was trying to duck his duty then I wouldn't be arguing with him [horrible DIL emoticon]

Know how you feel Baahumbug - this was supposed to be mine and DHs first Christmas out of the ten we've been together - alone just me and him after last stepchild left home (aged 28!!!! - grrrr ) - earlier in year. So what happens ? His DGM who always since time immemorial has done Christmas dinner for all the family (including recently moved out SS) has decided she's not doing it this year ffs. So obviously DH wouldnt have DS sat in a house share on his own (housemates going back to their hometown at Xmas) so guess what l heard myself open my mouth and say 'Well you can always come to us you know' .

Grrr - l have waited forever for this first Christmas - just us.

Oh it's not as bad as all that. She just doesn't do all the christmaasy stuff

Doesn't get pleasure from a good, big meal. Doesn't drink. Doesn't watch shit tv and is very vocal about these things thus making anyone stuffing themselves silly, wearing reindeer antlers, getting pissed and noisily debating kat slater v pat butcher as style icons feel a bit like they should be reading an improving book, eating a cheese sandwich

Likewise she is a bit socially inept, but does glory in being so. It's her 'thing'

That's all

She can come to IL with me, but I know she won't enjoy it, will embarass me, and no doubt make rude comments about the curtains

I for one, am facing the same sort of thing. We cant go to PIL for xmas dinner as they have BIL dog every day and we have allergy issues, so for the last three years we have had them over to ours for xmas dinner. BIL however, never invites them. We have asked if they will invite them to theirs, but he comes out with "oh they wont like our food" ..i.e goose or duck or some other expensive meat, or "we eat too late to have them over"..PIL like to eat in the afternoon and BIL eats at about 6pm. So we have them to ours, with our three kids.
Don't get me wrong, its no problem to have them, they eat like sparrows - so doesn't cost anymore, it just feels like we are the only ones who give a damn, meanwhile BIL does whatever the f**k he wants. And its all because they have to look after his bloody dog....a whole other story!

but she also won't enjoy my inlaws.

Maybe sibling2 could be leaned upon?

Yanbu

siblings are not playing fair IMO.

I do feel sorry for your mum but why should it all fall to you?

would you like to have her norma?

Tbh your inlaws will be more relaxed than you think. After all it's not their mother. They won't be feeling they have to impress her. It is just you that will be on edge about it.

I supose she could come here. she was only with us about an hour last year. I will have to have Baileys for breakfast again.

N NO NONO. I must be strong.

Sibling1 or Sibling2 can have her.

I'll have the dogs and shut them in the utility room

Look don't stress. Either she can go to sibling 1or 2. If not perhaps I could propose having lunch here with IL and her. Or take her to IL with me

I agree you've done your turn. We'll sort something out

Has anyone asked her whgat she wants to do?? She might like to stay at home.

I already have 20 for Christmas day including ils and my nob end step father.

My duty is done

Don't be a martyr - your mother is a grown woman, she should be able to entertain herself for one day. Other siblings clearly don't feel obligated, because you've always stepped in. Just don't.

One of two things will happen: Your siblings will step up and invite her. Or your mother will find something else to do for Xmas. Either way, you won't have to have her.

Problem solved!

o i get my martyring gene directly from her.

I do think at some point there is a responsibility of the 'other adult/s' (in this case your mum) to actually try to be good company, especially at Christmas. Your mother's seeming delight at being a bit difficult/sanctimonious/joyless will be an issue for you and your inlaws and so all the 'what a horrible daughter you are for not endlessly taking far more than your share of your mother's Christmases' is a load of old bollox.

oh we shall see. i don't bloody care. i don't cook and shall get pissed. i'll need to to deal with MiL, BiL and SiL anyway.

Also if mother does genuinely end up being all alone for xmas she might actually appreciate the effort you put into it and your siblings might realise you truly do mean what you say when you ask them to take their turn.

What montysma1 said. I feel sorry for your mum.

One of the genuine reasons I'm thinking of having another child, I kid you not. Would hate to feel that my son felt obliged to have me over every year when he's all grown up.

Oh, i feel your pain! I have a SIL who won't invite the IL's. We are away this year and MIL & FIL will be alone as a result ... to give her credit, SIL has nerves of steel to know this, and know that they know this and that we know it and STILL not do anything about it.

When I'm old I shall have the decency to go on a carribean cruise each Xmas so my children don't have this dilemma

Mind you I like booze and eastenders so it's likely they'll want me around [hopeful]

As I have this chrismas off I will be working for probably the next 10 years.

Googyegg I totally agree. Its all very well saying poor mother etc but you dont know her and OP had her last year. People have a duty to try to fit in and be good guests. We had inlaws last year and therefore had the most rubbish Christmas EVER. They are crap company we ate Christmas dinner in silence as I had frankly run out of things to say as had been keeping the conversation going single handed while DH dealt with food/kids. They give nothing back, have no social skills and are very very negative. Everything is tutted at or eyes rolled. The only time they show any genuine pleasure is hearing news of other peoples ruined holidays. Urrgh thank god they are not our problem this year.