To not be able to deal with other peoples children?

[mrsshears]

I have posted about this before,however i seem to be getting more and more intollerent of other peoples children.
In social situations,my own dd's play dates and basically everywhere else,i just find them intensely annoying,the noise,the craziness etc.
Am i on my own in this? i feel mean saying it but its true,i dread situations that involve other peoples children,AIBU?

What if you're adopted PigletJohn...where's the genetic connection there?

Well I'm very close to my DH but I'm not related to him (I hope!).

I don't think piglet's idea was meant to exclude anyone, more try and explain the phenomenon IYSWIM.

well you may be closer to people you have a genetic connection to but you may not like them!

I have and do like some other peoples children if they are well behaved and nice children. Otherwise I don't like them at all. If they are your step-children and not well behaved and nice, that is doubly hard as you have to spend so much time with them.

Well it's up to you of course. But being intolerant of them is only going to make life stressful for you as they are going to be there most of your life, especially when your children are young. Just try to chill out and relax. And remember that if you feel that way, others are almost certainly feeling the same about your children.

Not liking is fine but try not to kill any. It would make social situations so awkward

Oh, ok. Note to self - cancel hitmen for the weekend...

Anyway I know that my own children are perfect - I just can't understand what's wrong with everyone elses.

I am also getting less tolerant of young children - or most accurately their parents. but i think that is because of the stage i am at. I know that every parent thinks their own little ones are utterly delightful, uniquely so, and I have to fight against the urge to tell them that 'actually, no they aren't!'. And why do so many parents think that rules don't apply to their children? Garden centre on Sunday. Big christmas display, animatronic reindeers, lots of other furry beasties, heaps of fake snow and snowy trees. Very pretty. The public could walk through the middle on a path. Big (polite) signs asking for people to not touch the display. One family with a succession of small children being plonked on one of the reindeer for a photo Why? I mean, why?

Well imagine being out with that family and completely disagreeing with the behaviour of the children and having absolutely no power to make any difference to it.
That's the role of a step-mum.

Hmm.... I might have to run away and hide I think.

Rolloverandplaydead: that's exactly the point! If you're a stepparent, you don't have any power to shape the behaviour of your stepchildren. Which is very frustrating!

and what is worse is that you are out in public with this awful behaviour and other people (like all those child hating posters on here) think you are the one responsible for it!

I'm interested in the idea that by being related to a child you will like it more...

I have a DN who I am not at all fond of for various reasons too long to go into - she's DH's sister's child, and falls exactly in to the age gap between my 2 girls. So there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't love her, or at least like her more than other children. But, I'm afraid, I - just - don't; and can think of at least 3 OPC with whom I am far more in tune, much more interested in, and generally prefer to be around.

I am getting less tolerant as my DC get older - I'm surprised people are saying the opposite. I find it harder to excuse the bad, rude inconsiderate behaviour partly because we've spent so long teaching our DC how to behaviour.

It is also very noticeable that the naturally very boisterous DC I know who are parented very well - corrected when badly behaved, taught to be considerate ect are a pleasure to be round as they get older while the one who parents always find excuses often blaming the DC personalties never get any better.

I also find I dislike places filled with other peoples DC - as often the behaviour is very bad. Last soft play trip DS 4 upset an older DC while we were busy with our other DC - this boy got his mate to push our DS into a metal bar causing tooth damage. In middle of blood and hysteria first boy calmingly walks up and tried to grass our DS up for upsetting him by jumping near him and walks away saying how glad he was our DS was in pain .

I think step parents have it hard. My DN behaviour is appalling at times but I can stay away as much as possible - clearly not an option for step -parents.

Step children....Gah. My step daughter was/is the child from hell. She is now almost 18 and if I ever see her again it will be too soon. Even my ex is in agreement that she will never be allowed to be alone with our DD.

So, back from my previous post. I don't mind other peoples' children at all. Except one. I despise her.

Anyone who thinks that all children are warm and loving and don't have a maliscious bone in their body has obviously forgotten what it's like to BE a child...

YANBU my son goes to music lessons on a saturday and one of the women seems to think I will happily look after her 3 year old while she dissapears and teaches the other children. The child is the spawn of the devil and I have no desire to look after him. Im going to start going home and coming back to pick my son up.

I certainly don't like all children, but I'm quite fond of 4-11 year olds in general, I even voluntarily run a youth group for this age, and go on school trips for the fun of it. They can be so enthusiastic and generally cheerful about such a range of activities. And I don't mind a bit of noise and bounce. Some of them have distinctly challenging behaviour but even then I quite like them as an age group.

other people's teenagers are OK too, I don't have my own yet to compare.

Other people's toddlers, however. I could live without most of them. damp. whiney. dribbly.

"Step children....Gah. My step daughter was/is the child from hell. She is now almost 18 and if I ever see her again it will be too soon. Even my ex is in agreement that she will never be allowed to be alone with our DD.

So, back from my previous post. I don't mind other peoples' children at all. Except one. I despise her."

Jesus. Poor her.

Oh, I'm the opposite, I love babies and have to prevent myself running up and having a cuddle, I love toddlers and always smile at them or think they are sweet in cafes etc (even when having tantrums), I love juniors as they are so earnest and love to chat, and I love teenagers as they are so 'finding themselves'. I adore my own children, and don't love other children, but there's not many I can't find something endearing about.

And, I don't find going out to be one long round of badly behaved children either, perhaps it's an attitude thing or I really don't notice. People get more intolerant of everything as they get older :)

I like some children but don't like others. Much the same as with adults. I must be weird or something.

There is no secret that a 'step parent' is more intolerant of children that are not their own statistically. The tale of the wicked step parent is in all cultures. In the wild lions kill off cubs that are not their own and most females animals reject offspring that are not their own. Hopefully, humans have evolved from this but sadly every day there are examples of the worst cruelty shown to children which shows many humans haven't 'evolved' at all.

Historically speaking a child who shares a home/ is 'cared' by someone who doesn't share that essential, primeval, loving bond has truly frightening abuse statistics. You don't need to study social work to know that irrepairable mental and physical harm is done when a child is in these situations.

Which makes the parent-child bond even more special and unique. No one will love your child more than you do and if you don't, and there is no replacement, then the outcomes for that child are statistically very bleak

Carriana ? that?s a bit extreme. I grew up in a step-family, and whilst we all had our moments, it was never (heaven forbid) an abusive situation, I have happy childhood memories and I certainly wasn?t harmed or damaged.

I?m now a part time step mother, and admit to finding it challenging, but I really don?t think my stepson is harmed in any way by this. To be honest, his Dad is determined to compensate him for the break-up of his parents? marriage, and he completely spoils/indulges him, so his visits to our house must seem more like special treats.

However I do concede that step-parenting is not a ?natural? state of affairs, and you?re right about female animals rejecting offspring that is not their own.

northernwreck - well it's very far from poor her actually, but feel free to jump to conclusions without the background information. Suffice to say, the fact that said stepdaughter's own father will never allow her to be alone with his other (our) DD, is behind my reason for despising her. So, yeah, I do despise her and will forever more.

I know from personal experience how wonderful stepfamilies can be, coming from one extremely happy one myself, but I have also seen the flip side to the cosy set up at huge cost to me and my youngest child. My exP is also suffering enormously from the guilt he feels for not preventing events that could have been stopped.

I think some people are amazing step-parents and I take my hat off to them. personally I think it's the hardest thing I've ever done and that's only partly because I don't actually like other peoples children all that much anyway...

Sue, I'm glad things have been generally happy in your situation.

Sorry, I'm only talking statistically here, not individually/personally. I'm sure there are plenty of Mners here who have happy 'step' stories to tell.

A single friend of mine and her son had been unwittingly living with a paedophile for 5 years until the former partner tracked her down to warn her.

Of course she didn't believe it when told and she was sickened when she went to the police and found out it was true.

What's worse it is much much more common than most people think. The police can't warn women about these men, and anyway, most women naively see their latest boyfriend in rose tinted glasses and wouldn't want to believe the sky high proportion of men who enjoy child porn would be their boyfriend.

The thing is, my friend was so in love with him she didn't question why he never saw his family, labelled all his former wives and girlfriends 'bitches', and had kids with them he never saw. She had no reason not to believe him as he was a fantastic 'step' dad.