To not buy SIL & B anything else for Xmas

[lesley33]

Genuine AIBU. We always exchange Xmas presents with my SIL and Brother and give each others DCs money - they are teenagers so want to buy things for themselves. My SIL and brother have less money than us, so its fine that they give less than us.

But met them last weekend and as they are very organised they gave us our Xmas presents now to open at Xmas. Although I didn't give them theirs. Naughtily as soon as we got straight home both I and DP opened ours. We had both got cheap toiletries. I had bought them a nice present and was going to get something else as well for both of them.

However, now I am considering not bothering and only giving them the original present. Not because of the cost, but I just feel they made no effort at all and so am tempted to also make little effort.

The reason whether I am wondering whether I ABU is that their is history and I don't know if this is influencing how I feel unfairly. Basically my SIL and brother have never really taken any interest in me or my family, but expect us to take an interest in their family. So AIBU to consider doing this?

I see where you are coming from OP as we have been through something similar.

When DB and ex-SIL were married she suggested what she would like for presents for their children which I duly bought, only to find that they had got nothing for my DCs. DB was clearly embarrassed and rummaged through his pockets and gave them a fiver each with mumbled apologies. It wasn't the discrepancy in price (I had spent £50+ total on their DCs at her request) it was the lack of thought and care

Since they have divorced things are back to normal with DB so can only put it down to some ulterior motive of hers

I suggest you just give her what you have already got, you will resent any more. After Xmas I think you should just tell her (don't ask) that you have decided to only buy for the children in future and it is up to her if she chooses to do the same or not

A gift is not really a gift if it comes with conditions or expectations.

If people feel like this they shouldn't bother buying anything because they are not doing it for genuine reasons.

If it obligation or duty - forget it ! I can't understand why you bother getting involved in it all with people you so obviously do not even like very much.