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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate being forced to lie, or be the bastard parent.

58 replies

meltedchocolate · 21/11/2011 20:59

That's right, 'Father Christmas'

I'm sorry is this too early? Or has it been done over and over? I'm just venting really...

I don't want to tell my kid about a guy that breaks into our home through the chimney and leaves presents that he and his elves built in his workshop... So many lies, so many questions to answer, so so so unnecessary.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
meltedchocolate · 21/11/2011 21:00

'Bastard parent' because my kid could forget or slip up and tell the other kids that it's a lie btw. You can't win!

OP posts:
Arachnophobic · 21/11/2011 21:00

So tell them then. Who cares?

bytheMoonlight · 21/11/2011 21:00

YABU. You don't have say anything about Father Christmas if you don't want to.

You must know that?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 21/11/2011 21:03

I know I don't have to, but you feel like you really really should.

My question was AIBU if I don't?

OP posts:
whoopeecushion · 21/11/2011 21:05

Why don't you do Father Christmas?

SirBoobAlot · 21/11/2011 21:05

You can get "magic santa keys" so he doesn't have to break in. Problem solved.

Stop being a spoil spoilt.

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/11/2011 21:07

Every year there is this 'discussion' !

Short answer is do what you think. I don't exactly lie to mine (if they ask the questions I answer them) or ask them 'what do you think??' ... I don't pre-empt things. Christmas to me is more about the religious aspect and I play down the whole 'visit from a stranger', 'helping elves' ... it is all just bollocks and if your child is old enough and intelligent enough they will either play along or make up their own minds as to the reasonableness of bunnies delivering eggs, fairies taking teeth and fat strangers delivering presents ...

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 21/11/2011 21:07

MY DS is only three so he is only just inderstanding that there is a Christmas. Santa isn't something that has come up yet but I need to decide either way on either this year or next year.

It's just so many lies to keep track of. I don't understand the point. Christmas is exciting without FC. I hater the idea of making up stuff and telling my DS. Kids are gutted when the realise santa is not real, but there was no point them thinking he was in the first place!

OP posts:
SarahStratton · 21/11/2011 21:10

God my children loved the idea of Father Christmas. Loved it. We had a key, although we've always had a fireplace. They just saw a key and were enchanted with it. Surely, that's part of the magic and wonderment of being a child?

They're not gutted when they realise either, not unless some spoilsport tells them before they've worked it out themselves.

EverybodysScaryEyed · 21/11/2011 21:16

I wasn't gutted when I found out - I was old enough to have thought about it logically and come to the decision on my own (I was 7 or 8).

I am always honest with DS but the tooth fairy and Santa an the Easter Bunny (he's clocked that one already) are just fun. I love the fact he is so open to things and I don't see it as lying. it's a magical story which just happens to have been embellished!

The key is to stay very high level and get them to create the story for themselves

purplepidjin · 21/11/2011 21:20

Watching with interest because DN on DP's side has just started school, and my IL's don't do Santa either... I may have to prepare a stocking for him and take it up "Oh yeah, Santa got confused and left it at our house for you" Wink

Sirzy · 21/11/2011 21:26

Its a bit of magic and great fun. Like Everybodyscaryeyed I wasn't gutted when I found it, it tends to come after a few years of doubting anyway so its no big shock to them.

But when they are little the few years of santa excitement are lovely :) DS is just turned 2 and this past week he has started pretending to phone "ather mismas" to tell him he is a good boy!! He gets excited when he sees pictures of him when we are out and about.

I love it!

Hulababy · 21/11/2011 21:36

Well, tbh it's not really a big lie with lots to keep track on ime. It;s certainly never been something I have found particularly difficult. It's just a story. You can chose whether to go along with it or not.

If you don't want to go along with it, then don't. I am sure you can make Christmas a magical time regardless.

As for him telling others - well, why mention it at all for now unless he brings it up? And then, as he gets older he will be able to understand better about not telling others - or rather the reasons why. More along the lines of "some people believe that.... but not everyone does..." That way seems to work pretty well where I work - have a lot fo children who don't celebrate Christmas at all so it comes up every so often.

MenopausalHaze · 21/11/2011 21:38

It's really not so much a lie as a harmless fairy tale. I don't get all the angst about this - you'll have few enough years when it's really magic for your DC - so why why why do some people have to sour it with shit like this? Can anyone explain that to me?

Hulababy · 21/11/2011 21:38

h and I was most definitely not gutted about finding out the truth. For most children this is a just a gradual dawning over a couple of Christmas times. In real life I have never known anyone to have been upset at being told about FC in their childhood.

Infact it has only ever been on Mumsnet that I have heard of thhe one or two people who were negatively affected. I suspect in most loving happy families where there are no other relationship type issues there is no negativity at finding out in the end.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 21/11/2011 21:41

NOthing 'U' about not joining in with Father Christmas 'tissue of lies' Grin even if you make a huge big deal out of Xmas.
Surely you can still make the whole thing lots and lots of fun and enjoy the Santa story like you would any other?
Surely not all DS's friends are in thrall of the Santa myth?

auntiepicklebottom2 · 21/11/2011 21:45

when i grew up i knew logically there wasn't no santa.

i think christmas is a magical time, and i have told my children there is a santa and i will keep up with that fantasy for aslong as possible.

ViviPru · 21/11/2011 21:52

I think I would find having to perpetuate a complicated set of lies a pain too OP, but I think that Itsjustafleshwound has it spot on. I remember as a kid my Mum was really vague. She kind of let me lead it with what I thought/wanted to believe.

It had the added dimension of our Austrian Christmas Eve Christmas, thinking about it, perhaps some of my friends parents might have though of my Mum as the bastard parent when their DCs wanted to know why does Santa visit ViviPru first (I know it certainly caused waves with my SiL when DNs came along) but I don't think she could care less.

Pursang · 21/11/2011 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViviPru · 21/11/2011 21:54
Confused
WorraLiberty · 21/11/2011 21:55
ViviPru · 21/11/2011 21:56

Ahhhh. Thanks Worra. Thought I'd lost the plot then.

auntiepicklebottom2 · 21/11/2011 21:56

Pursang...wrong thread i think

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/11/2011 22:06

Riiight.
Back to believing in Santa then?
My son loved the whole think when he was little and it brought the magic back to me, planning it.
I think as somebody above said, it's just a magical fairytale.

Pursang · 21/11/2011 22:39

That'll teach me to post after a vino or two (okay, three) Blush

As I've found my way here, though, may'swell throw in my two pennies:
I don't think it does any harm...I've never held it against my parents that they encouraged the whole Santa thing, but it is awfully sad when it all comes crashing down. Could be viewed as a lesson in life i.e. don't believe everything you're told?? (may be the plonk talking again...)