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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I hate being forced to lie, or be the bastard parent.

58 replies

meltedchocolate · 21/11/2011 20:59

That's right, 'Father Christmas'

I'm sorry is this too early? Or has it been done over and over? I'm just venting really...

I don't want to tell my kid about a guy that breaks into our home through the chimney and leaves presents that he and his elves built in his workshop... So many lies, so many questions to answer, so so so unnecessary.

AIBU?

OP posts:

ViviPru · 21/11/2011 22:40

@ Pursang

bytheMoonlight · 21/11/2011 23:26

I was much more upset to discover the care bears didn't really live in the sky than I was about father christmas

Signet2012 · 21/11/2011 23:43

I had to be told there was no such thing as father christmas at 5

I had just done the stranger danger full hysteria at school.

then was told "oh but a strange man will climb down the chimney into the house and bring presents..."

After been told "you do not accept presents from strangers"

Apparently I was quite hysterical about the dangerous man.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 21/11/2011 23:44

So tell your children there's no such person, and then when the other children decide that your kids are just the naughty ones and that's why he doesn't come, suck it up.

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 22/11/2011 00:36

There are shades of grey between the two extremes of on the one hand saying there is no FC and on the other saying that he brings all the presents to all the children in all the world.

I played it quite low-key with my DCs. Yes, FC brought them a small stocking each, but I did not hide the fact that I was buying presents for friends and relatives and wrapping them up. They saw that friends and relatives brought presents to the house, and that some came by post, and I put them all under the tree well before Christmas Eve. I certainly didn't go down the elves-in-a-workshop-make-everything route. I didn't want to get tied up in the crazy lying that seemed to happen in, say, SIL's house where nobody could mention anything about the choosing, buying, wrapping, and posting of presents at all for fear of "spoiling the magic" for DNephews. (And don't get me started on the fact that DNephews never said thank you for any presents because they thought they were all from Santa).

All I'm really saying is, do it your own way, OP. Also, what Vivipru said about being vague and just letting the DCs run with it.

SouthStar · 22/11/2011 00:46

I love love love Christmas, my children are 4 and 2 so this year is going to be the best one yet as a parent.
I tell them that when santa puts his hat on he shrinks to climb through the letterbox.
I say let them enjoy it while they can, i remember being so excited around xmas when I was younger. But then again I also remember sharing a room with my older brother as we had family staying and him telling me to go to sleep because if I see santa he will vanish along with all our presents... I laid in bed for about 5 hrs with my eyes closed unable to sleep! Bloody brothers.

tigerlillyd02 · 22/11/2011 02:29

Santa all the way

But, to OP, YANBU. Whatever parenting choices you make, are entirely your decision.

Catslikehats · 22/11/2011 04:03

I don't understand the angst you are hardly weaving a complex web of deceit.

Do what you want - is it really that big a deal?

Moln · 22/11/2011 04:33

oh yes, such a web of lies, up there with telling a child that thier mother is actually their sister.

Find people who descibe FC as "breaking into the house", "a lie" and "a strange man" very odd and possible quite uptight. It's a bit a magic that many, many parent's create for their children because there are plently of years ahead for the child where reality will bite and those magical years are few in number..

But that is my opinion and the other is yours, so do what you want

mathanxiety · 22/11/2011 04:52

Kids aren't gutted when they learn the truth . Charmed is a far more likely reaction.

Why would you deprive your child of the excitement and the wonder of the whole FC thing? Not to mention the fun...

allhailtheaubergine · 22/11/2011 05:09

5yo dd likes to play the 'exists' game. I have to list things and she declares whether or not they exist.

Stars? EXIST!
Ghosts? Don't exist!
Spoons? EXIST!
Monsters? Don't exist!
Thoughts? EXIST!
Aliens? Don't exist!
Planets? EXIST!
Pixies? Don't exist!
Fairies? Don't exist!
The Tooth Fairy? EXISTS!
Father Christmas? EXISTS!
The Easter Bunny? EXISTS!

It is interesting to see what she does and doesn't believe in. I believe that she thoughtfully declares the existence of all the supernatural entities which are of direct benefit to her.

Morloth · 22/11/2011 05:13

We don't do Santa. Not had a problem. DS1 has never actually brought it up with me so I don't know if he has burst anyone's bubble.

FC is cultural, not everyone has the same culture.

RealLifeIsForWimps · 22/11/2011 05:21

Why is it a hard lie to stick to? Either I am a very accomplished liar, or this is not a tricky one as lies go.

As in all lies, you are assisted by the fact that your audience really wants to believe what you're saying.

The only hard bit is about how Santa gets around the whole world in one night.

I like either

Santa can move faster than the speed of light (also covers why you never see him) or
The time difference

nooka · 22/11/2011 05:30

I couldn't do it either. So I didn't. My dc appear to look forward to and enjoy Christmas as much as their Santa believing friends and as far as I am aware my children didn't burst their bubbles either. As they knew that presents come from (and are given to) friends and family I just told them that some parents like to tell their children that Santa brought them as part of their family traditions. No problem.

I didn't do Santa because I wasn't brought up with any Father Christmas myths and having two inquisitive children would have had to answer all sorts of questions and really really couldn't go down that route, just too much fabrication required. Plus our family traditions are to give presents one at a time with thank yous so it really wouldn't have worked (I suppose I could have done the stocking from FC, but I never really considered it to be honest).

usingapseudonym · 22/11/2011 06:08

We're wondering about this this year too. It's the first year my daughter is really aware its Christmas (she's sussed the "presents" side of it..!!).

We're definitely going to give her most of her presents from us so she knows they are from mummy and daddy but are toying with the idea of a little stocking with stickers/ sweets (!!) / bits in it from "santa" so that she can play along too. I'm really not sure.

There is also the "visitng santa" with a santa train near us, and father christmas at the farm which does seem very magical and fun in terms of the train/ animals. Never mind the wierd bloke bit (I could never quite bring myself to queue in a shopping centre though!). Still not sure and need to decide fairly quickly...!!

duckdodgers · 22/11/2011 07:09

Christmas is exciting without FC.

Well dont do it then, what the problem! On the other hand I love the whole magic of Santa fairytale and its been a big part of all my DSs Christmases (18, 9 and 3)

I personally find all this "breaking into house" "strange burglar" (yes Ive read that on a thread here"!!!) complete nonsense and people are far too over analysing it all. Its a little part of magic for childhood and thats all, until I read MN I never realised there was such a lot of miserable people out there. But hey thats just my opinion.

Catslikehats · 22/11/2011 08:11

Allhail

My DD (6) doesn't believe in fairies but most definitely believes in the tooth fairy!

littleducks · 22/11/2011 08:24

We don't celebrate Xmas, we don't do Santa/FC I think I was worried about it a couple of years ago (I think I have been on these threads for the past 3yrs!)

But honestly it is fine, never upset anybody yet.

bytheMoonlight · 22/11/2011 09:27

oh yes, such a web of lies, up there with telling a child that thier mother is actually their sister

That actually happened to me when I was 7. Well I was told my sister was actually my mother. That didn't seem to phase me either. I was still more devastated by the realisation care bears weren't real.

Children are funny things

bytheMoonlight · 22/11/2011 09:27

I didn't mean to cross that line out

oflip · 22/11/2011 09:31

take kids to see Arthor Christmas....all the answers are ther geneous fium!

senua · 22/11/2011 09:46

Have I been doing it wrong all these years? I don't seem to find it that difficult to lie play along with the tradition.

Big presents are from friends and family, and DC are suitably grateful and write thank you letters. Santa only brings the stocking. At a certain age, the DC did start to question the whole thing and we merely said that Santa only comes to households who believe in him. Being smart kids they still 'believe'. As does DH!
It's harmless fun. Who can object to that?
Do you also frown upon the 'lies' told in books and films? Why is one form of imagination OK and the other not.

horsemadgal · 22/11/2011 09:49

I'm dreading my kids not believing.
A phone call to Santa always makes them behave.

ledkr · 22/11/2011 09:55

I have never embelished the whole santa thing tbh. My dc's have all believed,and had a visit and hung a stocking but i dont push the notion iyswim. I dont put footprints out or say i heard bells etc.just kept it light and its worked for me.DD#9 is very doubtfull this year,in fact probably knows the awfull truth,but is choosing to still go along with it.

Moln · 22/11/2011 14:55

Well there you go bytheMoonlight may be it is the same thing!

I never thought the care bears were real. Feel like i've missed out on an important part of my childhood now.

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