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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel that DP is in the wrong here?

31 replies

dollydoops · 21/11/2011 13:42

Briefly, my dp has mislaid a very important item which she was supposedly keeping safe for me, as I can be absent minded and lose things. (I know- ironic!) This item is important for my health. Long story, not really relevant. Anyway, since it has transpired that it us mislaid, I have been really relaxed with dp, not going on about it and trying to stay positive eg saying 'I'm sure it'll turn up' etc. In contrast, she has been very grumpy when unable to find it, grumbling about 'I suppose I'll have to take responsibility or you will keep bringing this up in arguments' as though it's my fault.

This morning she got up in a big strop and was going on again but trying to make out that I was stressed about the loss of the item. I am! But have not shown this to dp, because I don't want her to feel bad. Anyway, she was so grumpy and cross this morning, saying things like 'you're not good for me' and 'I never user to lose things before I met you', shouting abd swearing. I got so upset that I didn't feel able to go into work- it was partly dp and partly my health issues and partly anxiety over the loss of this item. Anyway, still feeling sad and cross, but also very confused, as I feel that the whole situation came out of nowhere. Is this EA or just dp being grumpy? (sorry, posted in relationships but need quick response if poss so have copied here.)

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NinkyNonker · 21/11/2011 13:49

I don't think it sounds like abuse! Blimey. To me it sounds like she feels awful, probably hoped you'd let it all out so you could have a row and clear the air then move on. Instead there is still a kind if limbo. She isn't being fair and you're being very nice, but it sounds like she is blaming herself totally.

squeakytoy · 21/11/2011 13:54

It all sounds like a big drama.

If this item is so important, once it turns up (or is replaced), put it somewhere safe that you both know where.

Buy a box that is specifically for keeping "really important" documents in, like passport, birth certs etc.

MmeLindor. · 21/11/2011 13:56

Why is it important who lost the item?

Is it replaceable?

Order a replacement, sort out a place for keeping things that are very important and stop blaming each other.

MrSpoc · 21/11/2011 14:02

sorry but if it is so importabnt for your health then why should she look after it? if its that important i doubt you would miss place it.

Can i ask what it is?

Whatmeworry · 21/11/2011 14:03

How many posts have to go by before you can say "leave him/her"?

[wants to Follow Correct Protocol emoticon]

DuelingFanio · 21/11/2011 14:06

perhaps she feels so shitty about losing it that she is getting herself into a tizz and it's ending up with her making a drama. Why not give her a big hug and tell her that it's all ok and not to worry?

dollydoops · 21/11/2011 14:10

It is a mirena coil, the Gp gave it to us to keep until it was the right time in my cycle to fit it. This is now coming up, I need to ring the docs to make an appointment (was told to do so on 1st day of my period but is now day 3) and if coil is lost, the doc won't give us another as it is expensive. I would have been happy to keep it safe but dp said she would in case i lost it (!). I appreciate that it is a small issue but it is more the way dp is reacting and behaving that bothers me.

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HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 21/11/2011 14:11

She's probably well aware that you're completely stressed about this, and feeling dreadful for having mislaid it.

Blimey, if you had to take off work, she's hardly under any illusion about how you feel!

Why don't you both focus on finding/replacing the item, instead of worrying about who's right or wrong?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/11/2011 14:13

Tell me I am being thick, but how can you lose a coil. From what I've seen, they come in skinny boxes about a metre long.

HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 21/11/2011 14:13

X-post, sorry. Am sure it will turn up, and you can sort it out for next month.

MmeLindor. · 21/11/2011 14:18

A meter long? Kreecher, really?

Ok, stupid question, but it has to be in your house somewhere. You would not take a coil out of the house with you. Take the house apart till you find it.

cjbartlett · 21/11/2011 14:21

What?

kreecherlivesupstairs · 21/11/2011 14:21

the coil cjbartlett

dollydoops · 21/11/2011 14:21

I know!! This is what is frustrating! It is not helping that I currently have the extremely heavy, painful and unpleasant period that the coil is meant to prevent :(( just wish dp would not have a go at me and imply that I am having a go at her when I'm not!

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HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 21/11/2011 14:23

Maybe you're coming across as being passive-aggressive Smile

LadyMontdore · 21/11/2011 14:24

All sounds very silly to me.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 21/11/2011 14:25

At the risk of displaying my monumental ignorance, if you need the coil, that would imply you're a female. And your DP is a female. So why do you need a coil? And why do they give you the coil beforehand? Why not just have it wherever it is the doctor keeps them until you arrive to have it fitted?

picnicbasketcase · 21/11/2011 14:27

I too am a bit Confused about why they would give you a coil to take home until it needed fitting?

dollydoops · 21/11/2011 14:27

Oh dear chutney, do you think so? I hope not but this may be the case. My dp is very forceful and strong and I am more conciliatory but maybe need to be more assertive. I wasn't sure what to say other than 'don't worry, I'm sure it'll turn up.'

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dollydoops · 21/11/2011 14:31

Pombear, the coil is to sort out my periods which are horrific. And I think the doc gave it to us because my appt for the fitting might be at a different practice or clinic. Racking my brains but don't understand the Mary thing (thick enoticon)

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HOMEMADECHUTNEY · 21/11/2011 14:33

Well I suppose what I really mean is that when someone is (justifiably) annoyed about something, it is very difficult to hide how you truly feel.

May be time for an honest chat about how you feel, and to see if you can both can develop a better way of communicating.

And good luck with the hunt. As a former Catholic, may I recommend a quick prayer to St Anthony? Grin

MmeLindor. · 21/11/2011 14:35

Pombear
i was much too polite to ask that and now am nosy what you mean by Mary.

cjbartlett · 21/11/2011 14:37

I'm slightly concerned this is a wind up..... but why doesn't she just go back to the clinic and get another one? are you allowed to fit it at home?

UnexpectedOrange · 21/11/2011 14:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dollydoops · 21/11/2011 14:39

Not a wind up! The coils cost over £100 I believe. We keep it and then take to wherever and whenever the appointment is.

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