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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby pass the parcel

58 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 08:31

We have a family party coming up (hense no babysitter) and it is the day after our DC's first injections.

We know everyone will want to play pass the parcel with DC but we want to leave baby in the pram to hopefully sleep the entire time/not be disturbed so we don't have a cranky baby when we get home.

Are we being unreasonable to expect people to respect our wishes?

OP posts:
coastgirl · 21/11/2011 08:34

A little bit, yeah. People love your baby and want to see him/her! They will never be so little again. FWIW, my DS was fine the day after his injections.

nancerama · 21/11/2011 08:35

If your little one is anything like my DS, it will make no difference either way! DS was so zonked by the injections there was no waking him. I was when changing his nappies while he was sleeping.

His second set of jabs left him very unsettled, and in hindsight, it would have been nice to have been able to share the rocking, bouncing and constant entertaining of a grumpy little boy.

BuntyPenfold · 21/11/2011 08:36

Are you saying Granny won't get a cuddle at all?
I don't think your wishes will be respected, no.

PoppyDoolally · 21/11/2011 08:38

You will probably find that 1. Baby will be fine day after but 2. If not, baby will probably want to be held a little more anyway so make use of granny to give baby much need cuddle.

NearlySpring · 21/11/2011 08:43

Yanbu to want your baby to be able to rest but yabu to expect to take your lovely new baby to a family party and want everyone to not pick up and cuddle him. Surely if he's grumpy he will want cuddling and holding? Then you have plenty of help to hand. Maybe let everyone have cuddles when you arrive then out him down to sleep and enjoy the party.

emanother · 21/11/2011 08:44

What time is the party? If it's a daytime one, I think its a bit unreasonable to expect no cuddles at all. Maybe plan it so your DC sleeps most of the time but wakes early enough for a few cuddles towards the end. Then you can whisk baby away when he/she starts to get grumpy.

But, if it's an evening party then I think it's fine to say baby is asleep for the evening now, please don't disturb.

emanother · 21/11/2011 08:45

x-posts - or NearlySpring's idea!

TubbyDuffs · 21/11/2011 08:50

I think you are probably best to see how baby is after his/her injections, rather than making your mind up as to what you are going to do. It seems that you are already making up arguments that don't yet exist.

Baby could be absolutely fine after injections, all my 3 have reacted differently.

If baby is tired and sleepy, obviously there is a good argument for leaving him/her in the pram out of the way.

Best to play it by ear I think.

zimm · 21/11/2011 08:50

I think you have to him to passed round for cuddles a bit - family will be gutted otherwise. He will probably sleep quite happily in a granny's arms and leave you fee to enjoy the party! The jabs do zonk them out - there will be no waking him!

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 08:53

oh dear. I wrote this to find out if we were unreasonable as we did this and it lead to a family row (drink induced) over parenting - this was late on when a certain family member was trying to get DC out of pram (after us spending a day calming a crying baby).

Friends with young children agreed with us (to leave DC in pram as content) ... certain family members didn't.

Family live close by so see DC lots and were invited round the next day.

I believe we were right to leave DC content in pram so we didn't have to start the calming down session we'd done all day again - and wouldn't be left with a baby that cried all night.

I think I'm really asking if our parenting should have been questioned. Feel dreadful this happened but also would never interfere in anyone elses parenting decisions.

I feel worse that it's obvious our parenting choices have been talked about prior to this event and this was revealed after one to many drinks.

Don't want this to cause any future issues - any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 08:54

To add - this was an evening party.

Feeling really bad about it.

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 21/11/2011 08:55

Baby might be fine after the jabs, and allowing him to spend time with his family the day after he has had them done does not guarantee, or even remotely indicate, that you will have a cranky baby when you get home.

YABU, if you want your childs family to love him and be involved in his life, then it is very selfish of you to shield him from those people.

Iggly · 21/11/2011 08:57

People will always judge your parenting - you cant avoid it. Do what works for you, not everyone else.

As your baby gets older you'll relax a bit. It's all part of being a parent! All you can do now is develop a thick skin (although do step back every now and then and consider your decisions)

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 08:59

Thanks Iggly - hopefully it won't cause any backlash

OP posts:
BuntyPenfold · 21/11/2011 09:00

I don't really think YABU if family have lots of other opportunities to see the baby.
If it was my sort of family gathering, long distance travelling about twice a year, that is quite different.
Also, I would not allow anyone under the influence of drink to hold the baby anyway.

gamerwidow · 21/11/2011 09:01

I think as it was an evening party it was sensible to keep baby in the pram while they were happy to be there.

Your parenting shouldn't have been questioned even if it wasn't agreed with.

You will need to toughen up a bit though because everyone has an opinion on whats best re: parenting and you're going to learn to ignore whatever you don't agree with otherwise you're going to find the next 18 years very stressful.

Iggly · 21/11/2011 09:11

Try not to worry too much. They live nearby, they see baby a lot so not a big deal IMO. people forget what it's like having a new baby, especially your first!

Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 09:11

I agree gamerwidow - I've always been a soft touch hense why it's bothered me so much that one of our first decisions as parents was questioned so much.

Toughen up I shall :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 09:12

Thanks Iggly :)

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 21/11/2011 09:20

oh relax!!!!!! most babies have little to no side effects afterwards, and if she really is crank it will be c;ear for all to see

porcamiseria · 21/11/2011 09:22

oooops just read, put it down to experience and also remeber that first time round you are maybe a bit...anxious? try and RELAX

Meta4 · 21/11/2011 09:57

I think passing the baby round its one thing, but meddling when a baby is asleep in its pram and neither of the parents has given the OK to remove said child is another.

What do you feel they question about your parenting?

Jenn1982 · 21/11/2011 11:21

I have always had an issue with 'baby pass the parcel'. Especially if the baby is tired/grumpy/hungry.
It took me a long time to toughen up to the quiet judgement of others. It used to drive me mad. Sometimes I'd get angry, and sometimes sad. Now, I don't give two sausages what anyone else thinks. i simply do what I think/feel is best for my dc. They are the only one who's opinion will ever really count, (well, other than dp).

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll · 21/11/2011 11:28

I can't see why people take babies to family events if they won't share them.

Babies need to be amidst their family...obviously a screaming baby isn't a happy one but keeping it in it's pram when it's happy to be cuddled and carried is silly. They level out their sleep in the end.

Some of my best memories of DD1 is of her getting passed round a large dinner table in Oz when we went to meet the Italian side of the family. It was a long dinner party and she was in bed upstairs when the family arrived...as soon as she woke for her bottle I fetched hr down and all the family had a hold and she looked happy as Larry. SHe spent the evening napping and cooing on various knees.

Dancergirl · 21/11/2011 11:29

YANBU

I hate babies being passed round like they're playthings. You're the mother, you know your baby so do what YOU feel is right for the baby. If you want the baby to sleep then politely explain that to relatives.

Try not to worry too much about offending relatives, they'll get over it. You've got enough to think about with a new baby. And ignore anyone who questions your parenting.