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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby pass the parcel

58 replies

Newmummytobe79 · 21/11/2011 08:31

We have a family party coming up (hense no babysitter) and it is the day after our DC's first injections.

We know everyone will want to play pass the parcel with DC but we want to leave baby in the pram to hopefully sleep the entire time/not be disturbed so we don't have a cranky baby when we get home.

Are we being unreasonable to expect people to respect our wishes?

OP posts:
AmorYCohetes · 21/11/2011 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kiki22 · 21/11/2011 11:42

If you had to spend the day calming your baby then im guessing she wasn't feeling well after her jabs so why did you take her in the first place? If you were unwell after a job you wouldn't go to a party. If your that worried about baby getting rest you could have stayed home or went for an hour then come home.

stuffthenonsense · 21/11/2011 12:07

Babies are not toys!
YANBU to want to ensure your baby is content.
If anyone went and touched a new born puppy/kitten/tigercub they would certainly regret it..the mother quite rightly defends its young.
In this case you were right to be particularly wary as their was enough alcohol involved to lower peoples judgement...would anyone REALLY want their newborn to be held by someone that intoxicated?
And i disagree that it is selfish to not want your child to be passed around...after all you have to deal with any fallout, the other person is in my opinion being selfish, cuddling/not cuddling a new baby isnt REALLY going to change anybody else's day is it?

DidYouSmashHerShireHorses · 21/11/2011 21:48

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exoticfruits · 21/11/2011 22:04

Why worry in advance? If the baby doesn't like it they make it known!

organiccarrotcake · 21/11/2011 22:18

"I can't see why people take babies to family events if they won't share them."

Really? Babies are PEOPLE, not objects! They're not a box of chocolates to share around. In a party situation, yet another very new thing for them, they're likely to need to be with their parents, not scared by being handled by strangers. Even doting grannies.

If baby's happy with it, then of course it's fine. But there should NOT be an assumption that "the baby" should be passed from person to person just because the adults haven't met them yet.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to take your baby to a family party and expect people to leave them alone, or coo from a distance. What else are you supposed to do - not go?

Sorry that your family caused you stress :( What did they criticise you for?

exoticfruits · 21/11/2011 22:20

Most of the time the baby is perfectly happy, it is the mother with the problem! Babies are not polite they don't suffer in silence!

AmorYCohetes · 21/11/2011 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flisspaps · 21/11/2011 23:42

Given that the party was in an evening, and you'd already spent the day trying to calm a miserable baby, then YWNBU.

And as for your parenting decisions being questioned by family members - quite simply - fuck 'em! This is your baby to bring up how you so choose. Don't forget that if you do something in a different way to others, they can perceive that as you criticising their choice - which isn't what you intend to do at all. Let them whinge about your parenting choices behind your back - don't change your methods or beliefs in order to suit people who are not bringing up your child.

MidsomerM · 21/11/2011 23:44

YANBU. I can't believe how many people think a baby is just an accessory to be passed around for everyone to have a turn with, and that if you aren't prepared to do that you still stay at home! How ridiculous.

When you have a baby you go to the things that you think are OK, and your baby gets involved or otherwise, depending on what their needs are at the time. And you, the parents, are the ones who know best what those needs are.

You were in the right.

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 21/11/2011 23:50

The trick is to relax OP. If you march in there and say 'right no-one is having any cuddles', then everyone will be a bit Hmm and think you need to chill out and try and overrule you.

Relax, share your worries with your family and get them onside and everything will smooth out.

reelingintheyears · 22/11/2011 00:12

Get over it...every one loves a baby,

Your baby is no different to all the babies that were ever born.

You should be glad that there are people who want to love your baby.

reelingintheyears · 22/11/2011 00:14

OH...and YABU..BTW

WorraLiberty · 22/11/2011 00:18

I have to agree with reeling on that

No-one has a right to lift a sleeping baby from a pram and wake it up, but other than that, if your baby is fussing then cuddles from various family members is surely a good thing at a family gathering?

Perhaps, the 'discussion' that took place was because they feel you're a bit too PFB and need to lighten up? Sad

AmorYCohetes · 22/11/2011 06:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 22/11/2011 07:27

Yes-I have read all the thread-and stick to my original-why worry in advance?
Either the baby will be asleep and you can leave it sleeping or the baby will like being passed around or the baby won't like being passed around and will make it clear.

Meglet · 22/11/2011 07:35

Yanbu. I can't stand babies being passed around. I wouldn't dream of demanding a cuddle from a baby unless the parents offered and needed a hand.

They're not good luck charms are they.

exoticfruits · 22/11/2011 07:39

It depends on the baby-some like it-some don't.

5moreminutes · 22/11/2011 07:58

YANBU, for the reasons stuffthenonsense , DidYouSmashHerShireHorses and organiccarrotcake said. Why do people think babies are public property whom anyone connected to the extended family has a right to pick up and hand around, and that parents should be glad to have them taken from them/ woken when they are sleeping/ handed to small (non sibling) children without the parent's agreement/ handed people who have been smoking etc. etc.

I can't understand that way of thinking, nor the idea that a mum of a very small baby would enjoy herself more if her baby was removed from her arms or awoken from sleeping in a pram and passed about... I have 3 dc and have felt the same with each new baby, and think it is natural tbh.

Pancakeflipper · 22/11/2011 08:06

If your baby is not well don't go to the family party, let them rest in familiar, quiet, comfortable surroundings and recover quickly.

If baby is asleep in pram, people should allow baby to sleep in pram. But expect alot of cooing. Don't stay too late as the more drink is consumed, the more likely someone is to wake baby.

If baby is awake then baby will passed around and loved by their loving family. It's what families do.

exoticfruits · 22/11/2011 08:15

People are at their worst with babies-thankful for the well being of the DC-they relax later on. Babies and precious china do not need the same treatment. People love to hold babies and if the baby doesn't love it they make it clear. I would prefer mine to be part of a joyful family and passed around, than be kept in a sterile bubble labeled my baby-do not touch.

Thruaglassdarkly · 22/11/2011 08:25

Shock at some of the replies OP. A baby isn't a novelty item to be woken up and passed around for the pleasure of the family. In my family, if we turned up with a sleeping baby, unwell from injections, everyone'd go and have a little peer at him or her, say "Ahhhh" but would respect that the child was asleep. IF and when the child awoke and was happy, then people would want a cuddle but they'd certainly respect the parents wishes if they were trying to get the baby into some sort of sleep routine. How rude of family members to make you feel under par as parents because you put your baby before them. Do whatever's right for your baby. They'll have plenty of other chances for a cuddle.

ledkr · 22/11/2011 08:33

I dont like my babies oiked out of their prams when sleeping but also if they are awake for feeds i then allow a little light passing especially as they dont get the chance often.

tiredfeet · 22/11/2011 08:41

Yanbu, you clearly had your baby's best interests at heart whereas your family seemed to care more about getting their cuddles than what was best for baby. I am still seething about christmas last year when sil and bil treated us as being "precious" for wanting to feed our hungry 10 week old, then pass him round!! And I was 'selfish' for feeding him in the middle of christmas dinner, apparently everyone should have taken a turn holding screaming hungry baby so I could join in with the meal
Sorry, rant over, some adults are just really selfish and put their needs before babies. You put your child first, no idea why that should be criticised!

tiredfeet · 22/11/2011 08:41

Yanbu, you clearly had your baby's best interests at heart whereas your family seemed to care more about getting their cuddles than what was best for baby. I am still seething about christmas last year when sil and bil treated us as being "precious" for wanting to feed our hungry 10 week old, then pass him round!! And I was 'selfish' for feeding him in the middle of christmas dinner, apparently everyone should have taken a turn holding screaming hungry baby so I could join in with the meal
Sorry, rant over, some adults are just really selfish and put their needs before babies. You put your child first, no idea why that should be criticised!