to wonder why women say they are ok when they are really struggling?

[newcastle78]

Met up with some friends today and they asked how I was. I said the usual fine thank you but actually I am struggling. Why do women do this? Or is it just me?

I did the oh im fine routine, then went out with friends after 9 months in hiding and after a few drinks they started laying into me saying why don't we ever see you.
So I told them that I had been trying to get over PND and 3 of them said oh I had that, so when I told them the truth of I was so bad I wanted to be dead rather than my son have me as his mother they all went quiet and they havent contacted me since, it seems people dont like to be told hardship so in future I will keep quiet.

Because to ring fence an area of your life where things are normal and the things that are getting to you are kept at arms length is sometimes the only way of coping.

If I told all my friends how I really felt all the time there wouldn't be much normal life left to live.

Bloody hell Folkgirl is your mother my mother?

The work conversation with your mum is exactly the same as what I have with my mum, every bloody time she rings me.

When she finally pauses and bothers to ask how I am and if I reply oh the usual she quickly says ok well gotta go my teas ready!

Although she did manage a 5 minute convo about my ds upcoming autism assessment. I was seriously impressed!

when doctors ask you are you fine we say im fine so why are we at the doctors then.

Actually, I don't say "I'm fine" to the doctors. They don't have time for all the pleasantries in 5 minutes so I do cut to the chase with them. After all, I rarely go to the doctors and when I do go, I have a good reason!

sheepgomeep - it would appear so.

When she finally pauses and bothers to ask how I am and if I reply oh the usual she quickly says ok well gotta go my teas ready! - my mum does this too. I usually resort to just propping the phone on my knee and responding with a "hmm", "really?" "Oh I know" now and again.

I don't really listen (it's always the same, I could tell her pretty much word for word what her gripes are!!!) but I can tell from her intonation/inflection what type of response is appropriate!

5 minutes hey? well done you! Good luck with DS's assessment.

As others have said, because most people don't care, and if the question is asked as part of a greeting it doesn't actually mean "please tell me how you are coping/ how your health is" etc.

Others who ask will turn any response other than fine into something about themselves, will compete, or criticise.

The times to answer the question truthfully, at least in detail, are limited, but of course if the question is genuine and the person asking is likely to actually care and be able to help (either by being a sympathetic listener or in a practical way) then it does of course make sense to answer honestly - this is about 1 time in 100 if that though!