to be unsure where I stand on this

[two2blackcats]

Sorry, I have name changed "just in case."

I am very pro breastfeeding and am currently breastfeeding my five month old DD and hope to continue for a good while yet.

I work in a primary school (although I am currently on maternity leave) and there is a parent who when she drops off/collects her elder daughter who is in year 1 breastfeeds the younger child. The younger daughter isn't a baby or even a toddler but will be attending the reception class september 2012 so must be 3 or 4 years old.

AIBU in thinking it's perhaps a little unfair on the older child? I'm willing to be told if I am ...

I am very breast feeding pro, been on on breast feeding rally etc, but doing it at school ... with 3-4 year old, I do think that is a bit OTT.

I think if she wants to keep BF in the school, then her little girl shouldn't be at school yet

The little girl isn't at school yet...older sibling is.

Harry - I don't know, it doesn't happen here. I haven't seen one dummy or bottle given to a child coming out of school.

Ballstoit - we don't, but the younger siblings of her older sister will see her bf now and if it continues after Christmas I think it sets her up to be teased about it. Children know that babies get booby or bottles - most of those children will associate it with babies, not school aged children. I don't think the parents are going to have to say anything at all. See above re dummies/bottles. But honestly, how can you be about school aged children with dummies and bottles but think it's fine to bf and no one else's business?

Shiney - no you can't possibly be pro breast feeding if you think it's OTT to bf a 3-4 yo on mn apparently.

i din't mention bottles, although TBH I don't see why you wouldn't put a drink you are having to prepare in a cup by the time a child is 3 or 4.

My issue with dummies for a 3 or 4 year old is the negative consequences for the child's teeth and speech. I also don't understand why a child who has literally just walked out of school needs a dummy in their mouth but maybe I'm a bit strange for enjoying conversations with my DC on the way home.

Breastfeeding has health benefits, even for a 4 year old.

I think the children you know must have very long memories, and very sharp observation skills. I don't think that DD1 (who's 4 ) remembers which children in her class she saw in the playground waiting for their older siblings last year, never mind whether they were being breastfed or had a dummy.

YANBU

I am very pro BF'ing, but I think it is just plain wierd to bf a 3yo at the school gates.

If you want them to have bm as a drink, give it in a cup.
If you want them to have a snack, give them an actual snack.
If you want them to have comfort, give them a favourite toy.
If you want to bf a child that no longer needs it, then do it in the privacy of your own home, because it is clearly more about your emotional needs than the child's.

yanbu

I am pro-bf and done it until 2+. But I do think a 3-4yo should be able to wait until they got home for a snack - seems a bit "look at meeee" to do it in the playground every day, if it is every day. If it was once, for comfort, then fair enough.

But pmsl about children not needing bm when they can walk. So when DC3 starts toddling I'll announce "no more boo boo, all gone" and that'll be just fine

This thread has reminded me of something my FIL told me; when he started school (after WW2) the mothers would come down at playtime and breastfeed the five year olds through the railings

Nothing wrong with that, I just found the image quite disconcerting.

It is unusually for a child of 3/4 yo to want to nurse in public IME, unless they are in pain/ill ? My children would/do wait until I sat down in 'my' chair at home before demanding asking for milk.

Are you sure of the child's age ? My DS is very tall for his age and when he was 2 yo I was often asked when he was starting school and why couldn't he talk properly.

It is not unfair on the Y1 child, after all she might still be breastfeeding herself.

My daughter had just started Y1 when I finally persuaded her to wean and her little brother at nursery still nurses (along with little DD2) but no one at school knows or would care if they did. Any more than I care how the other mothers parent their children outside school. Their children, their choice.

If the child has a specific need where EBF at that stage is necessary on a frequent basis, or if it's an occasional BF to avoid a meltdown, then that might be understandable.

But as most children beyond, say, two years old would be able to wait for a feed, I'd be inclined to think that the mother either is making a statement about BF or has issues herself.

I do understand the point about children possibly teasing the older child. But I'd be equally worried about possible teasing when the younger child starts school. Children do notice "differences" and they often have longer memories than they're given credit for.

"I'd be inclined to think that the mother either is making a statement about BF or has issues herself"
I met/chatted to many mothers who do/have extended breastfeed and not one mother did it 'to make a statement' or 'had issues'. Universally the reason given was meeting the child's needs and often the mother wanted to cut back or stop but carried on for the child's sake.

It is more likely that the child is younger than the OP thought.

"making a statement" - as in: BF is normal, and so also is extended BF. Given the negative attitudes that still prevail not only about BF but more so about extended BF, she could be trying to get the message out there, especially to other BF mothers, that BF doesn't have to stop at some arbitrary age as dictated by those don't understand/like extended BF.

As for issues: maybe she's had so many negative comments that she's making a stand by BF in public, possibly with the intention of that getting back to whoever she's having to deal with, as a very strong indicator that she's not going to toe their line. Or she might be relying on the (erroneous) view of some people that BF mothers shouldn't be distracted, and using that as a means of avoiding interaction with others.

There could be a whole host of other reasons, and we'll almost certainly never know anything more about this particular situation. But, from my distant memories of FF DC1 and BF DC2, I'd be pretty certain that whatever her reasons, if her DC didn't want to feed then he/she wouldn't.